Dd won’t sleep after upping her time at dad’s. Help.

[Ostryga]

Dd is 4.5 and after 4.5 years of every other weekend at dad’s she’s gone to Wednesday evening, Thursday, Friday morning one week and Friday, Saturday. Sunday, Monday nursery drop off.

I feel like she isn’t coping, she’s incredibly emotional and tired, and refusing to sleep unless on me. She’s pushing boundaries at home massively, I’m not getting angry with her because I know it’s an upheaval, just continuing to let her know I’m always here.

I’m happy her dad has finally stepped up, but I’m worried that the sudden change is too much and I’m fucking it all up somehow.

Hmm it's a tricky one isn't it.
Can she say how she feels? If the dad is on board after speaking to your DD could you maybe cut some hours? Not to spite anyone but to see if she copes a bit better?

Going from EOW to this much contact must be a bit confusing for her. Not that anyone is in the wrong but she will be full of emotions and not sure how to express them.

Massive change for her. I find shared custody only benefits parents. I'm sure she will adapt.

Would your ex be open to reducing contact in her best interests? Or seeing her during day times but bringing her home for tea and bedtime? My little girl is 4 and I can’t imagine her coping being away from me for that many days every week. It’s a big change when she’s been with you for much more of the time up until now.

I personally feel that's a tricky age for changing contact so dramatically, I'd speak to your ex and see if you can increase much more slowly? It's obviously not working for her and her feelings should be paramount in all of this. Good luck x

PS you're not fucking it up, you've done what you felt was right. Don't beat yourself up over it x

How long has she been doing the new schedule for?

Hope you’re ok OP. These decisions are always hard.

FWIW I don’t think my 6 year old would cope with that much time away from me. He goes 2 nights EOW to his dad’s and he struggles a bit even with that. As much as I’d love more time to myself I don’t think it would benefit him

She's bound to be unsettled- has she gone from basically an EOW arrangement to what now seems 50/50? Couldn't quite work it out if the new days were all overnights. It will take her time to settle into the new routine, she will be missing the time with you. Hindsight should have probably slowly increased, instead of so much all at once, but if she has a good relationship with him and lots of reassurance from you, she'll settle into the new norm.