Discipline for talking back

[stardustsprinkles]

I need to know if I am being unreasonable here as I am losing all perspective.

Backstory is my partner has struggled with anxiety and depression for a while now. Our relationship is all but over and we have been in separate rooms (his choice) for a long time now. It has also been a very long time since he last physically even touched me. All very sad and awful and I am having counselling to come to terms with it all to help me try to move forward.

Anyway tonight our daughter who is 5 in August was being a pain. She was very argumentative and uncooperative at bedtime (that he was doing) and she kept backchatting, Several time outs later she eventually got to bed. I have just come up and seen he has removed all books and toys from her bedroom. I asked him about it and he said 'he won't be spoken to like that by her' and has told her no tv all weekend and that he had removed the books and toys too. He said we never discipline her and her behaviour is getting worse. I called him out on it as said I thought it was extreme taking away tv and all books and toys and she is only 4. Her behaviour was not acceptable by any means but am I unreasonable in thinking he went too far with this punishment? No tv fine but to lose books and toys too.....

As soon as I called him on it he went and put the boxes of books/toys back on the floor saying 'happy now' and I know tomorrow will be an argument about how I undermine him. I just don't think it's necessary to threaten and traumatise her with punishments to control her. Help me with some perspective please!

He said we never discipline her and her behaviour is getting worse.

This is the issue. You can’t never discipline her and then do an extreme discipline. How is she meant to know what’s right and wrong if she’s not disciplined for it and what’s going to happen if she backchats all weekend? There’s no punishment left to give out.

I completely get the frustration as talking back is one of the most difficult things to deal with I found but you and your DP need to be in agreement with what punishment goes with what. It’s really important to start small and then add things onto if needed. If she thinks she’s going to get a massive punishment for something small she is going up turn into a really difficult child.

#Unfriendly- I would absolutely not stand for my partner giving those kinds of punishments, I don't care who's putting the kid to bed, that attitude is a bit 1950s,

UnfriendlyFriendly - i disagree the dad should be able to put his child to bed without flying off the handle about some standard 4 year old behaviour. If either parent is being unreasonable in how they are looking after a child, it is the job of the other parent to step in. Imagine staying silent as your parent went over the top with discipline because you felt you had no right to say anything because you hadn’t assisted with the bedtime.

Going over the top with a 4 year old is never appropriate - what could a 4 year old do that would be so bad. They are hardly more than babies and just learning about how to behave.