Why is there always one?

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Caught train to the coast with my son today. We were going to an attraction, followed by an afternoon mooching on the pier/playing on the beach etc etc. Sat down in carriage opposite a group of five ladies & two seats up, a mum with her son. Drunk man gets on, at the second stop, lurches through the doorway with a bottle of white wine in hand, chooses the carriage with all the girls & mums/kids in it, seats himself just behind the group of girls & begins trying to grab their attention with an embarrassing phone call - just loud loud loud, leaning into their area, ogling them in a really inappropriate manner.

They stop talking, as he then engages them directly in stupid & attention-seeking conversation. They’re slightly worried, we all are, & the replies he’s getting from one of the girls are polite one word answers. Clearly not enough for him. He continues ambushing them with forced conversation.

The other mum gets up and takes her son off to the loo nearby to change his nappy. It’s obvious that’s what she’s doing. She goes in, loo door closes & drunk/arrogant dickhead tells the girls “I’m going for a slash, back in a tick.” Staggers to the loo, finds the door locked and hammers on it whilst cursing something about “this is why I fucking hate trains, some prick always locks themselves in there.”

Not long before mum comes out, with her toddler, she looks pretty scared now, we’re all feeling the same. He goes in & thankfully we arrive at our station. We all got off that train as quick as we could; I heard the girls saying to one another that they felt they had to be civil to him because he could have become aggressive. We all sensed it. Me & the other mum ended up walking to the attraction together, she was shaken up.

Why is there always someone like this (usually a man) who just cannot see how inappropriate he’s being? The arrogance as well - he just wouldn’t let it go, it was obvious his advances were unwelcome. But somehow he just didn’t care, & kept it up for nearly a full hour. It was a horrid experience!!!

Maybe I should have posted this in the feminism board but why do men behave like this? I can’t imagine the scenarios reversed!

I’ve had many experiences like this. The scariest being last year when I was on the bus with my sister and her baby and there was a man doing exactly as you explained. At one point he got a pen knife out of his pocket and started flicking it over and over. I was so happy when that bus journey ended

Because they feel entitled to. I wish there was a number displayed you could text to get the attention of train staff.

reason #649 why a guard is essential on a rail journey, failing that make sure you have the british transport police number on your mobile then they can intercept the situation or get word to the next station there is potential trouble on board.
On a bus notify the driver.

61016 is the number for British Transport Police. I've seen posters on trains advising that you text or call if you're in trouble. I think I would do so in that situation.

Because they can - because they know they are bigger and stronger and can do serious physical harm to most women if they choose, and the police will do FA about it. They’ll get a fine at most, if they’re ever caught.

My 21 year old daughter was in her car with her 14 year old brother recently and a loud, drunk bloke threw a beer bottle through their rear windscreen which shattered. He sauntered off, threatening anyone who tried to speak to him, and the police have basically said they won’t be able to catch the fucker. Because. He. Can.

The threat of aggression is awful

Some men like to display their dominance. On twitter, I remember reading someone saying they deliberately do this to "keep women on their toes". These men know exactly what they are doing and get a kick out of it.

I was sixteen, over quarter of a decade ago.

I was alone. In those days, I was very confident in travelling alone by bus or on foot at any time of day or night. Work, visit relatives, shopping, etc.

I was very aware of male sexual violence but as my family had convinced me that I was far too fat, at eleven stone and five foot six, to ever be attractive to any man or boy, I suppose I felt safe from all that. I was actually really pretty, as the number of men who tried to get off with me over the next two years proved but I didn't know it at the time, only looking back many years later at old photos.

Anyway.
I was waiting for the bus at dusk outside a pub that was closed, no lights on in any of the very few houses and very little traffic to speak of.

There was an eerie feeling to start with, that feeling of being utterly alone IYSWIM.

A very large man came to the bus stop. Grey greasy hair, grizzled grey scruffy stubbly beard. Tall, fattish and looking scruffy. He started talking to me in a
loud friendly way. Could hardly understand a word of it but I just nodded politely and sat there frozen to the spot. It went on and on. He came towards me and asked if could give me a peck on the cheek to thank me for keeping him company. I was petrified and said okay, it's only a peck on the cheek, hoping it would make him go away. I was naive. He grabbed me tight and forced his tongue into my mouth. I could feel this greasy bitty feeling in my mouth, his nasty facial hair rubbing my face and lips. Both he and his breath stank. I struggled not to throw up.

I was very lucky because at that moment the bus turned the corner and I got on. He did not. He was never even going to catch it.

If it happened today, I would push the cunt into the road before he ever got near me but these bastards can smell vulnerability in women and kids. Fucking scum.

Oh Silver That’s just awful. I am so sorry you had to go through that. The absolute fucking scumbag.

They know they can because they know women and girls are terrified of what they are physically capable of.

Complete lack of fear or respect.

Arsehole.

These people feel hard done by and powerless in life powerless and often have an inferiority complex, so instead of sorting their shit out and living a nice life, they get pissed up and behave in an intimidating and anti social way to make others feel powerless too. They always pick on women or sometimes men they don't think would be up for a physical fight. They get a kick out of making 'nice' people, feel like shit, like they do.

How horrible for you.
I wish knew the answer.
There are no longer any staff about anywhere to help.

I think we were all very intimidated by him, & the threat of physical aggression was literally inches away. I just worry that if we’d got our phones out & started calling for help he would have turned.

It’s truly awful, I hate that some men can get away with this behaviour in this day & age. If there had been other men in the carriage he wouldn’t have even chosen to sit there probably. But it was full of women & children