Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

sister ignoring me

18 replies

user00002 · 04/06/2021 16:44

hello,

I'm really not sure if I'm expecting too much or if I should back off now.

me and my sister share the same father but different mothers. our father wasnt in my life, I have only met him a handful of times. he was in hers, although admittedly wasnt winning any dad of the year awards there by the sounds of it.
this is relevant as me and half sister only got in contact a year or so ago.

at the beginning, it went really well. had a lot in common, she was very keen and excited to get to know me. sent gifts for me and my child, wanted to visit as soon as COVID restrictions allowed, invited me to her birthday party etc. as you can imagine I was pretty delighted that it went so well, although I did think at the time it was a bit full on but hey, I have 4 other siblings on my mums side and she is an only child so I figured she was just excited.

my relationship with my real dad isnt good - after some thought I decided I did not really wish to be at her birthday party with him and all his family who had never met me. I also didnt want to detract any attention from her as it was her birthday. Some of his family do not know my existence either so all in all seemed not a good idea. real dad expressed the same. I thought she understood this but I have noticed she has been very funny ever since. she has a lot of anger towards our dad and it did cross my mind whether she invited me to annoy him but I might be reaching there.

anyway, sorry for background, I do feel it's relevant. I sent her a christmas gift and she hasnt acknowledged it at all. I asked her if it arrived but she said as the address she gave me was her nans she hadnt been round yet so didnt know. since then, she has put up pictures with her nan on social media. still no word. it was not a ridiculously cheap present either- it was a nice piece of jewellery.

we have spoken very sporadically since this. I have recently found out I am expecting again and told her 2 weeks ago. heard absolutely nothing.

I'm a bit fed up truth be told, and it is making me question whether she was using me initially to piss our dad off rather than having any interest genuinely in me. she is on social media all of the time, I know some people will say some people are bad with their phones or they dont reply for ages but not even to say thank you for a gift? or to acknowledge news like a pregnancy?

I dont know. it just all seems weird to me. I'm considering cutting her completely, my real dad ignored me most of my life, I dont need that again from another member of his family.

OP posts:

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/06/2021 16:47

Yanbu obviously I could only guess what's going on as you can but it's obvious she's deliberately ignoring you to the point of being very rude. Everyone has time to thank someone for a gift or acknowledge a pregnancy announcement.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 04/06/2021 16:48

I'd let this relationship go to be honest. Its a bear I wouldn't want to poke.

Original poster

user00002 · 04/06/2021 16:59

I think I've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt with the lack of communication at times, I guess it was so striking because of how she was initially but i thought, maybe she is struggling to take it in after all.

however, the lack of acknowledgment of the christmas present and the news I shared with her does seem very rude.

I am okay if the relationship does end, I am glad I had an opportunity to get to know her and that we are aware of the others existence now but him and his entire family seem one never ending drama and it always ends up causing me hurt in one way or another it seems.

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2021 17:06

How old are you both op?

Given you haven't got much to lose I'd try a direct and Frank approach.

Hi Beth, I'm wondering if you'd still like to meet up sometime now covid restrictions are lifting. It's a shame I couldn't make your party this year but it seemed the right decision whilst things are so new and I'm still somewhat a secret to Dad's relatives. I do want to get to know you but as you've been so quiet lately I'll leave the ball in your park and you can contact me if you want to talk. Love Liz

Is it possible your Dad has bitches about you to her? Oh Liz told me she didn't want to come cos you're not her Proper sister etc if you're still an awkward truth to him?

Dobbyisahouseelf · 04/06/2021 17:11

You have given the relationship your best shot time to back away. You wouldn't allow a friend to treat you like this so don't allow this relative. Also why allow this side of your family to open up old wounds. Been there myself and it is not worth the heartache. Would be different if you had met, got on and had mutual respect but this is not what is happening. Life is too short to have the type of negativity and drama in your life.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 04/06/2021 22:30

She might be just as addicted to the drama as the rest of her paternal family. I would reduce contact naturally over time, personally.

ColaOlaLa · 05/06/2021 00:42

Doesn’t sound like she is interested in a relationship with you. I would leave it now

idontlikealdi · 05/06/2021 00:50

Just leave it, she could have have continued if she wanted, the path was there. One to step away from.

PinkArt · 05/06/2021 00:52

Have you only connected with each other during the pandemic? If so I'd be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt a little. It's a weird time generally, let alone to meet a new close relative and that might mean it takes a bit longer for you both to find your feet.
That said, I'd step back. Don't cut her off but don't chase her - let her contact you if she wants to build the relationship. Not acknowledging the gift or the pregnancy does sound rude and that may be her way of saying she's not keen any more.

Nicolastuffedone · 05/06/2021 07:09

Maybe you were all shiny and new at the beginning but the lustre has worn off now...I’d walk away tbh

BlueDucky · 05/06/2021 07:14

It sounds like she's had second thoughts about being in touch with you. Have you actually met up yet? Maybe she is unsure about that step. I'd try and not get too attached and maybe if she messages say hi but I'd leave it to her to contact you.

Looubylou · 05/06/2021 09:15

If it were me I could do without the drama, maybe she's a bit too much like your dad? I wouldn't block her number or anything - just wouldn't actively do anything. Respond pleasantly to any communication received. Definately not share any of own dramas/bad times. I'd keep it superficial. You've made an effort, it's not what you hoped for, but at least you tried.

TwoAndAnOnion · 05/06/2021 09:36

She invited you to her birthday party
You declined.

She feels smubbed.

RedHelenB · 05/06/2021 09:41

@TwoAndAnOnion

She invited you to her birthday party You declined.

She feels smubbed.

This. I would have gone.

HamAndButterSandwich · 05/06/2021 09:43

I think it should be fairly obvious why OP didn't want to go to her sister's party and socialise with family who doesn't even know she exists and an estranged father. It would be incredibly awkward.

ColaOlaLa · 05/06/2021 09:56

Well either way maybe the sister didn’t like that, yes it’s understandable to us but the sister might have took offence to it and though op was being immature etc (absolutely not my opinion and I wouldn’t have went either) just saying how the sister may have viewed it especially if her dad was around for her growing up then she probably has a different opinion of him to the op.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 05/06/2021 10:10

I also think it’s down to the party. I think that’s when things went from excitement at meeting a long-lost sister to a reality check - the realisation that this wasn’t a fairytale ending, and in fact there was still a lot of baggage to deal with. I think it’s scared her off a bit.

Original poster

user00002 · 06/06/2021 10:09

him and his family have never welcomed me into the folds. he has been absent my entire life - I have met him twice. the other half of his family do not know I exist.

this is a milestone birthday for her, my presence would of almost definitley detracted from what should be a party all about her, not oh wow did you know dave (not real name) had another daughter!?

also, she knew him and his parents were not keen on me being there at all and even when I voiced doubts initially she was very much pushing for it. I do now question her motives.

I have decided to do what a previous poster suggested - just do nothing basically. I'm not going to remove her just yet but certainly will not be chasing or sharing any of my life with her at this stage.

OP posts:

Flip