To think you should only have another child if YOU (and your dp if applicable) wnat another one not because it's cruel to "deprive" dcs of a sibling(s)?

[peacelily]

I know this has been done a few times recently and I've posted it before just wanted to vent really!

A friend of mine who also has a 14 mo dd is trying for another dc at mo. She's shocked that I'm still in 2 minds about whether we're going to have another at all. She seems to think it's cruel in some way to leave my dd as an only child as when we die (morbid I know) she'll have no one. I pointed out that:

1. We're skint and we'd be over our heads with another dc
2. I don't get to spend as much time with my dd as I'd like anyway (I work 4 days a week) cos of work and what's the point of having another and spending even less time with both of them!?
3. I'm terrified and s**t scared of going thru labour again.

She's a SAHM (nothing against that by the way) her dh pays for everything, she goes shopping nearly everyday, Italy 5 times a year and doesn't want to work for less than 30K a year as "she's worth more" and doesn't see why she should. She claims her life is hard and I expect it is in some ways I'm not SAHM bashing. But to have all that on a plate and no empathy as to why my situation is different, it p**s me off.

What do the rest of you think am I just making excuses or does she have a valid point?

Kids tend to cope or get on with most things - within the range of normal that is.

Being an only child isn't exactly a hardship. My DS would love to be an only child. It's my daily battle stopping him from braining his baby sister!

As always I can see that there are two sides to every story, but I can see that it has got a real argument. Two genuine cases I can think of...

1. A divorced only child friend once said to me, "When my parents go, I've got no one". I thought that was incredibly sad, and it was said with real sadness and was the reason she was insistent on having more than one!

1. When parents get elderly, all the burden of looking after them rests on the only child. Sometimes that can be a real burden - and I have witnessed the stress of that close up. It makes things like holidays and weekends away etc, just the normal things we take for granted so much harder when the elderly parent is dependent entirely on one child and there is no support or back up it can get very stressful, particularly if the burden lasts for years.

Obviously there are more factors than just the future, but I do think that the child's point of view has got to be considered too and brought into the equation.

She wants you to have another (or at least want another) to validate her decision to TTC.

Your child is only 14 months olds - that's tiny small. My ds is almost 5, but by now most people have given up.

You have your reasons - she doesn't need to know them. Just say "no" and if she says why say, "oh let's not talk about me, how is (insert name of her dd) getting on with (insert something she is good at).

The whole death thing is a bit of a red herring - plenty of families fall out when mum and dad dies (or before) far from being a pillar of strength. And besides, if you know you are only having one then the onus is on you guys to prepare for your death (making sure there isn't all that "stuff to sort out" people go on about).