How do I get out of this wedding?

[vodafoneuk]

I met a woman through my ex (they weren't especially friendly but worked together) and we became friends. When me and my ex split up I still kept in touch with the woman and would meet up periodically. She invited me to the full day of her wedding.

However, we ended up just drifting and so didn't speak for a year. We still have each other on social media, nothing happened just stopped making an effort with each other. I just assumed that I would no longer be going to the wedding which is next month.

However, last week I got a message out of the blue from her along the lines of, 'hey how are you? What have you been doing? Just checking you're still coming to my wedding?' So I responded saying that I would have loved to go but I understand with numbers etc if she couldn't have me there. She read it and never responded.

I then messaged her again a couple of days later making conversation and asking if she was excited for her big day. She read and never responded. I then text her again this morning and said, 'I haven't heard back from you, not sure if you're worried about numbers but I really won't be offended if you would rather I don't come due to Covid numbers, please don't worry about that'. She read and didn't respond.

I really don't want to go to this wedding as I haven't seen or spoken to her in a year (other than these texts) and also there will be no one there I know. I also don't want to be rude and just not show up if she's expecting me but she's just not responding so I really don't know where I stand.

What can I do in this situation?

She literally asked if you were still coming - if you didn't want to go why didn't you just say no then? To answer your question - THAT is 'how you get out of this wedding'.

COVID brides have enough stress and uncertainty on their plates without doing a dance with people who don't even want to be there. Just tell her ffs.

I also think it makes a difference if you have received and replied to an actual invitation. Was your wedding invite a text message?

I do think your replies were oddly written, sorry OP.

She's Def not expecting you to be there.

I have friends that I used to meet up but haven't seen/spoken to a lot less in the last year, its not that unusual during the pandemic. I would absolutely still attend their wedding.

I think your message came off as quite rude even if you didn't intend it that way. As if you were trying to say no but putting it back on her.

Sounds like she wanted you to go and you've previously said you would and now you've backtracked on your original RSVP using an excuse which she can probably see through which has probably hurt her feelings. Having guests chop and change their RSVP is probably annoying and she's probably hurt by your (no offence) poor attempt to make her uninvite you.

If you've replied formally that you will be attending then you are being very unreasonable.

But I'm confused because its standard to send invitations 2/3 months before the event and you've not mentioned this? Surely she can't have sent them over a year ago?

If you really don’t want to attend this wedding, just send a message saying that you regret you are no longer able to attend.

It isn’t any of her business why you can’t attend, but she does need to know numbers of those who will. Should she rudely ask the reason, you simply reply “it’s personal.”

It all sounds a bit odd though, she asked you a year ago, things change over a year. You don’t say whether you had a formal invitation, in my mind a text or some other message isn’t good enough for something as important as a wedding Maybe a year ago it was a save the date type thing?

I imagine she's got loads of messages like yours, the suppliers are having a tough time working out how many people are actually coming and she's got lots on her plate so hasn't replied. Given you don't want to go, I'd just send a card in advance and leave it.

All you really had to say was ‘sorry, I’m not going to be able to make it, have a wonderful day, I wish you all the best!’ Job done.

@zurala

She's not responding because you've been so rude! She wanted to check you would be there and you made up some guff about numbers making it reasonably clear (but not properly clear) you don't want to go but trying to make it about her uninviting you when she clearly wants you to go.

You should phone her, apologise for your weird and rude messages, and see what she says.

This.

You don't want to go and she's not replying to you. Send a final message saying something along the lines of "hi, I imagine you are really busy with wedding planning. Just wanted to say I hope you both have a wonderful day and the weather i glorious for you. P.s. even though I can't attend i'd still like to send a gift/contribute to honeymoon fund, so please send me the details when you get the chance" unless you already have them! That way you leave the option open for her to respond otherwise just let it go.

A friend of mine asked us all if we could come before she sent the invitations out. I think because they were expensive and she didn't want to waste them on non attendees