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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it normal to really hate office chat?

13 replies

TooInvested · 03/06/2021 20:08

Started a new job in an office a couple of weeks ago after wfh since last March and feeling a bit down/like a weirdo. I’m a bit of an introvert and forgot how draining the office can be. I really hate having to chat with colleagues about their weekends etc in the kitchen and while working/at lunch. I have friends I have things in common with outside work and can chat away happily with them/love going to pubs and things yet with colleagues I find it awkward and just can’t think of conversation topics. Everyone has been nice and welcoming and people tend to walk to the cafe/shop together at lunch. I’m grateful they include me but I’d really rather go by myself and eat outside alone (i managed to sneak away and do this the other day and it was lovely). It actually feels like a punishment almost that in my hour “off” unpaid I have to focus on making small talk. It doesn’t help that this is a temp job in a sector I’m not interested in and my colleagues are mainly older than me. I feel quite uncomfortable sharing details of my life and am really not interested in hearing about theirs (I do a fairly good job of coming across as friendly hopefully). Also, I find it really hard to focus on actually doing any work when people are chatting-I tend to be polite but not extend the conversation much when we are working and never start conversations while everyone is sat quietly. Someone remarked that I was being very quiet today and I’m hoping it didn’t come across as rude. I really miss working from home and hopefully will be able to do it a few days a week when I’m trained. Does everyone secretly feel like this or do most people enjoy making small talk with colleagues? I hated it in my last job too, and I was there for over a year but people tended to be less chatty, I had a couple of closer colleagues I’d chat to/occasionally go for a pub lunch (I wasn’t as relaxed as I am with friends though) but mainly kept myself to myself. Is this rude/odd?

OP posts:
Snackz · 03/06/2021 20:12

YANBU! I never know what to say!!

SmokeyDevil · 03/06/2021 20:15

Same. Some days I like quiet days, actually that's most days. And I hate being interrupted while I'm focused on something, I can ignore teams much easier. Grin

PoTheDog · 03/06/2021 20:19

I know exactly what you mean. Sneaking off to have lunch on my own is sometimes my time to decompress!

But I do find that eventually it gets easier (usually takes me about a year though), once you have learnt enough about the job, environment and your colleagues to not feel switched on all the time. And you have also usually found the people you are most comfortable with then too.

I still enjoy hiding away at lunchtime though!

HeyMicky · 03/06/2021 20:23

I hate it too. But you can do a few things that mean you won't be singled out.

Go to lunch at least one a week and force yourself to chat to a few people - they'll remember you being there. Doesn't have to be every day. You can even get away with chatting in the queue/on the way to the shop and then going back to your desk.

Find out what everyone is interested in - there is a lot of veg growing and baking at my office. Have one thing to say about your weekend that aligns with that, as tenuous as you please. Turn it back to them - people love talking about themselves and will just be pleased you asked.

I also go to the gym a few days at lunch - if you make it clear from the outset you're not available then no one is insulted, as long as they think you have a definite plans elsewhere.

Ninkanink · 03/06/2021 20:24

Yes.

Some people love it, others hate it.

UhtredRagnarson · 03/06/2021 20:28

Yes. I’ve been self employed for years and work alone but took an office job last year when covid stomped on my business- it all came flooding back to me just how much I hated all that stuff. It gave me serious anxiety every evening before work. Was very glad to leave that job. Offices are not for me!

TipseyTorvey · 03/06/2021 20:31

Most people only really want to talk about themselves I find. So when they ask you a personal question, turn it back on them and they will never notice they'll be so busy nattering. E.g "What did you get up to at the weekend?" respond with "Not much, housework you know, how about you?". If they ask "Do you have any hobbies?", "not really, just the usual reading or TV, what about you?". Works wonders. Although I'm honestly trying to work out how to engineer a home contract so I never have to go into an office again because of this kind of nonsense
.

nancywhitehead · 03/06/2021 20:40

Yup. I can't stand it.

But you know it's OK to take yourself off somewhere on your own for lunch if that's what you need.

Sounds like you could maybe do to practice asserting yourself and putting your needs first. Lots of people struggle with this. Basically doing what you know is good for you at lunch time and not caring too much what your colleagues think.

At the end of the day, although it's good to get along with your colleagues, you have friends outside of work, so you only need to do enough to be vaguely polite.

Some people really do value work friendships and use work as a way to make friends, which is also fine, but it doesn't mean you have to be involved in all of that.

I have never been one of those people and that can come across as unsociable at work but honestly I don't really mind!

TooInvested · 03/06/2021 20:54

Some good advice and glad it’s not just me. It’s just a bit frustrating that, when I could do the job perfectly well from home and have lunch with my partner and dog, I instead have to stress about asking the right questions about some woman’s daughter’s boyfriend’s birthday or something and can’t even leave the building at the end of the day without feeling like I should stop and chat to the receptionist about where I’m parked on the way out. It would look rude if I just marched past her but surely she doesn’t care where I’m parked/how the traffic on my commute is etc?

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/06/2021 21:41

Its 50/50.

I get on well with my colleagues and have some lasting friends among them. I enjoy the chat but I'm aware that in our team some people aren't interested in the social side of an office environment and prefer time to themselves at lunch etc. I hope those people know they are welcome to join in whenever they wish but mostly they don't and we all respect that.

StCharlotte · 03/06/2021 21:53

You'd hate my office. We're currently embroiled in "poo-gate" - it's hilarious Grin

TooInvested · 03/06/2021 22:00

@StCharlotte That does sound hilarious, I don’t think I’d mind that. I think I’d prefer it if people were really comfortable with eachother and talking about interesting or funny things. It’s more the superficial polite/banal chit chat I can’t stand/struggle to know what to say. I can’t imagine anyone in either of the offices I’ve worked in even mentioning poo!

OP posts:
Mary46 · 03/06/2021 22:41

Hate it! Had temping role for 3 months. Colleague so moody. Then talking about people I dont know did x get her promotion. Felt so out depth at lunches. I generally hate it! School bus run now. Kids are funny on it.

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