Dd and junk food. Wrong to say cut back?

[Dailywalk]

After finding a load of wrappers and receipts for junk food in my dd room I’ve told her she needs to cut back. Receipts were for things like multipack of donuts. She says she doesn’t eat them all.
She’s 13. In the last year she’s grown a lot (height) but is also beginning to put on weight. She’s barely exercising (an hour a week) and it’s beginning to show.
She’s upset that I have brought it up and thinks I’m getting at her. I didn’t say she had put on weight. I said she needed to eat fewer treats and reign it in a bit.
It’s such a difficult situation to handle. Have I handled it badly?

You’re right, it’s not on to eat that amount of junk food. She will quite frankly get fat-something that 30 years ago wasn’t taboo to say. There has to be limits around these types of foods. They’re so addictive

Absolutely a parental responsibility. I think I’d be encouraging more exercise too.

You'll get a bunch of replies telling you that you shouldnt have said anything about it but you absolutely should.
Although, instead of just telling her to cut back, you need to have a proper conversation about why she is doing this, why she is sneaking the food in etc. She needs to come to the realisation that it isnt good to eat like that, especially hiding it.

You need to try and find out if there is anything under this; bulimia or anything.

Yes I think you’re to say it. A
Lot of children that are left to gain weight often then say they wish their parents had said something when they are older

Of course you needed to say what you did. You're her mother and her health is your priority.

Where is she getting money from to buy the junk?

YANBU. You've got to be the grown up here.

But it takes sensitivity, and a real effort not to make a teen feel bad about themselves.

Also, are you leading by example?

I think this is an absolute minefield.

Personally, I tend to focus on health, and fitness, as the concerns, and never, ever, ever mention weight.

But then again, I have a sister who can pinpoint her eating disorder commencing to one nasty, so called, caring, comment, by Mother Dearest.

Its difficult as I took to comfort eating at that age as school was the pits. I'd make cakes in middle of the night, batches of biscuits. My parents encouraged me to be active but said little about my binge eating.

You need to try and help her now op. I am a total secret eater, I would bet she isn't sharing if you are finding lots of wrappers hidden in her room. I used to go to the shop, buy multipacks of crap then hide them in the outside cupboard until everyone was asleep, sneak out, grab the food and watch TV whilst I stuffed my face till I was sick. I am now a fat 30 something with a horrendous relationship with food and awaiting gastric bypass surgery (self funded before anyone starts)

I don't know how I could have been helped but hoenstly please try, my mum and dad never found out and my continuous weight gain must have been confusing (I was working and telling them I was saving the money towards a car)

Why is she hiding the food?

I think there's a lot of criticism on teens for their eating habits and very little focus on their exercise habits. She's better off eating junk and exercising more than eating less and not exercising. Ideally, she'd obviously eat healthily AND exercise but it's odd that the obsession is always with food.

Have been encouraging more exercise for months. During lockdown she stopped doing everything. Me and her dad exercise every day. We do have treats but have cut back recently in an effort to reduce the junk in the house. She gets pocket money. She has both to show for this money but wrappers and junk food receipts.

Sorry typo.. she has nothing to show

I can imagine it's a minefield now because many teens are cottoning on to being able to weaponise to their benefit, adverse comments on their choices and behaviour.