AIBU re siblings visiting

[FigureItOutNow]

I’m 7years older than my younger siblings after me, have 3 kids under 10 lost everything after ex gambled it away - we split up 3years ago as he wouldn’t seek help for his gambling, got very violent one night (one off) over this and I left with the kids to stay with a friend and eventually ended up in homeless accommodation and council housing. Both ex and I come from wealthy backgrounds- my dad and I haven’t spoken as he disagreed with me marrying young and having kids young so his wealth is no longer a factor for me. Ex’s parents hate me due to my family being immigrants and so their wealth has nothing to do with me or the kids. So ex got knee deep in gambling while we were split up and we lost everything before divorce finalising he declared bankruptcy - house cars etc. Anyway the whole point is money is tight and the kids and I struggle - before split and gambling we were very comfortably off. Ex unemployed since split so no money from him or either set of parents. I am unemployed due to covid, studying masters. I live in a popular seaside town in south west England.

My younger siblings 21 and 24 both graduated and in £24k+ graduate jobs, living at home in a wealthy London area with my parents, still get an allowance, pay no bills, etc are coming to visit.
I’m dreading it as every time they come here they expect to wined, dined and driven everywhere and contribute absolutely nothing.

Last time they were here we fell out when one of them asked me to buy her a doughnut because she didn’t have the £1ish it cost to buy the doughnut despite spending £30 on a t-shirt and hour later 😡
I’ve told them if they come they need to be more financially independent and have some spending money aside as I’m unemployed, single parent with 3 kids and they just don’t get it because I’m their older sister and I never had a problem paying for stuff before etc (I was married and 2 incomes coming in). I don’t know what to do as I’m not welcome at my parents house due to the fallout and the only way we spend time is if they come to me but how do I get my message across or aibu for expecting 2 young entitled people who blow all their money on clothes and cocktails to even grasp what I’m going through?
I have some spending money aside for when their here but nothing like they would expect. They will quite easily blow through £4-500 a day for water activities or outings, brunch, lunch dinner etc as that’s what they would do with my parents. In the past they have complained that I limit where we can go eat and what activities we do but I’ve explained it due to budget and they get upset because then it’s not a holiday 🙄
Any tips advice anything to get the message through please before they stop coming to me or we fall out completely.

Assuming they know about the background? Just tell them. In fact tell them they should contribute to food and costs while they visit. And then you'll see how much they really want to see you.

Explain exactly what your income and outgoings are.

Show them your budget. Tell them exactly where you are at. Don't spend your cash on them. Just keep reiterating you don't have any money. If you start by spending anything they will assume you should continue and are just being tight. Do they know your parents cut you off? Or do they assume daddy is still funding you as he is them?

So what if they get upset? Young people without experience in the world won’t have a clue how others struggle, but they should learn compassion and understanding even if they don’t understand it. Just keep reminding them that you are on a strict budget.

Just say you have a tight budget and would love to spend time with them but may not be able to do certain things together. Perhaps you could plan out the meals - eg a picnic somewhere and then maybe they can go somewhere for dinner while you put the kids to bed? Perhaps suggest activities they could do, but say that unfortunately you can’t do that due to budget, but would like to catch up with them later?

Just be honest. They aren't babies surely even rich people understand budgeting and that not everyone is rich. If they don't understand that I would be questioning how they got their graduate jobs.

Just stick to your regular routine. I’m guessing you predominantly eat at home and so free activities with the kids, like go to the park or walk on the beach. I’d invite your siblings to join you but if they won’t to go off separately to do something more expensive let them, just don’t get drawn in. Think of a line such as “we don’t have money for that (dinner/activity/ whatever) but you go ahead and have a nice time” or something similar. Then repeat every time. I know it’s hard but you just need not to get drawn in. You do have my sympathies though, it’s very hard being around people with no concept of budgeting when you have to stick into one.

I'm a bit confused. Are they visiting you? Or are they coming to the 'popular seaside town' for a holiday and you're putting them up for free whilst they do that?

Based on what you've described it sounds like you're just putting them up to enable a cheaper holiday? In that case, I'd say leave them to it and tell them you can't currently afford to join in with all their plans but they're welcome to stay with you.

If they're actually coming to visit you then I agree with PPs. Just be clear and upfront that you don't have the money to do anything fancy, maybe even consider planning out their visit with them so they have realistic expectations.

They can go do some fun things without you, and they find them too. Then you get a break too

Don't have them stay. They can get a bnb or holiday inn with all there money, and come over to help with the kids and treat the kids to special outings as a family. They sound incredibly entitled and treat you very rudeley and inconsiderately.

God I feel for you op, you have had a rough time. I would spell out to your siblings exactly what things are like for you and explain that, much as you would like to spend as you used to, it is not possible
If they still act like shits, limit your contact with them. If they were any good, they would be treating you to something nice and having a word with your dad, while they're at it, and calling him on on allowing his child and grand children to be homeless when he could have stopped it. Unbelievable

Tell them they need to find themselves on trips to yours and you won’t be joining them on expensive days out. Surely they’re not so dumb as to not understand that you have very little money?