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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Travelling to USA

72 replies

Zippy1510 · 03/06/2021 17:28

DH is an American citizen meaning technically myself and two DC (3 and 10 weeks) are currently able to enter the USA. FIL has a terminal illness and we don’t know how long he has left. He has expressed his wishes to meet DD (10 weeks) before it’s too late. DH wants us to travel over to see him. I am anxious to do this as 1) we have only had 1 of our vaccinations so far and therefore aren’t particularly protected against the newer variant 2) there have been reports on the BBC that the queues to clear immigration are going to be up to 10 times longer than normal- this has previously taken us up to 3h- I don’t see how we can queue with two young children for 30h?!? 3) I am hesitant to travel at all incase it contributes to spreading- we are both scientists and are on fairly edge about the constant viral evolution and what this means for vaccine efficacy. DH and I are currently divided on this issue- AIBU? I am happy to be told that I am!

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 03/06/2021 18:30

@Zippy1510

I have no idea where the BBC got the “up to ten times longer to queue/ clear immigration” information from- I just heard it and it’s stuck with me. I’m not sure of anyone is actually experiencing queues that long in the USA currently- and I’m not sure where I could find out that information (apart from here!).
www.dhs.gov/how-do-i/check-wait-times
sonjadog · 03/06/2021 18:31

I would think when they say up to ten times longer that is for average shorter waits. So if people normally clear in 5 minutes, it might now take 50 minutes. I have never heard of anywhere taking anywhere near 30 hours to clear immigration. It doesn't make sense that it could ever take anywhere near that amount of time. What would they be doing to take so long?? I have experienced 2 hour waits a few times at US immigration, so I would be prepared for that, but not significantly more.

Hurr8cane84 · 03/06/2021 19:03

You should go. Your poor DH is about to lose his father. Nightmare journey or not, you suck it up and go.

Hurr8cane84 · 03/06/2021 19:06

If my dad was terminally ill and my partner didn't do his absolute best to support me in travelling to him, I think I'd resent him forever. Especially over a few long queues and a remote risk of catching an illness we're already vaccinated against.

TokyoSushi · 03/06/2021 19:09

Yes I'd agree that you should go.

Darbs76 · 03/06/2021 19:14

Absolutely. If it was your parent would you want to go? I certainly would

ouchmyfeet · 03/06/2021 19:23

Even pre covid I wouldn't take a 10 week old baby on that journey for anyone. Your FIL is asking a lot and your DP should go alone.

RaspberryCoulis · 03/06/2021 19:34

@ouchmyfeet

Even pre covid I wouldn't take a 10 week old baby on that journey for anyone. Your FIL is asking a lot and your DP should go alone.
Did you miss the bit that the father is terminally ill? Hmm
lakesummer · 03/06/2021 19:40

I think traveling long haul with a baby is easier than with a toddler to be honest.
Although both are perfectly possible.

ouchmyfeet · 03/06/2021 19:45

Did you miss the bit that the father is terminally ill?

Nope

stackemhigh · 03/06/2021 19:47

@Hurr8cane84

If my dad was terminally ill and my partner didn't do his absolute best to support me in travelling to him, I think I'd resent him forever. Especially over a few long queues and a remote risk of catching an illness we're already vaccinated against.
I hate this guilt tripping. OP is not stopping DH from going.

My dad had a pretty bad decline from cancer and died within months of diagnosis but insisted to overseas siblings not to come as it was too far to travel.

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 03/06/2021 19:49

I’m supposed to be flying to the UK to see my family (Brit in the US) mid July but the news from today is making it seem unlikely. I’ve missed seeing two close relatives before they died now. Slightly peeved that POTUS and FLOTUS are going this week and presumably won’t be forced to quarantine for 10 days upon arrival...

Confiscatedfidgetspinner · 03/06/2021 19:52

Going to be honest- I think you don’t want to go and are using covid/ covid-related reasons as an excuse.

Just do it.

I have a ‘mother-in-law’ on the other side of the world who couldn’t give a damn about our children or her son (apart from when she posts on Facebook pretending she’s a doting grandma). Be grateful they care so much.

UserX · 03/06/2021 19:53

Families always go through immigration together so you should go in the citizen queue with dh. Do your children have dual citizenship?

Original poster
Zippy1510 · 03/06/2021 20:00

In normal circumstances I wouldn’t hesitate to go- we usually visit twice a year and I am used to travelling long hall with a young child- covid and it’s associated impacts are the issue. The children are not dual- neither is DH he has right to remain in the UK. Thanks to the poster who posted the TSA app info- I didn’t realise that existed!

OP posts:
Original poster
Zippy1510 · 03/06/2021 20:01

*haul

OP posts:
Likeasorethumb · 03/06/2021 20:03

Am I missing something here but I thought non-US citizens still weren't permitted entry to the US at the moment? Or are you flying from a country where entry is allowed? US currently isnt permitting non US citizens or residents in from the UK or many other countries.

lakesummer · 03/06/2021 20:05

It is possible to get exceptions to the travel ban, I know a couple of people who in similar circumstances to OP have got permission to leave and return between UK and USA.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 03/06/2021 20:06

Do your kids have US passports? How is he proposing you all travel there? You're asked at check in if you have a US passport or green card? You can't just up and fly over if you haven't. He can go, and should.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 03/06/2021 20:07

@lakesummer

It is possible to get exceptions to the travel ban, I know a couple of people who in similar circumstances to OP have got permission to leave and return between UK and USA.
Have you seen the threads on here and elsewhere about getting appointments at the US Embassies and Consulates to do this?
lakesummer · 03/06/2021 20:09

Flying from the USA to UK and return journey required additional embassy paperwork before leaving acquired by an immigration lawyer for one person I know.

I some others have traveled with stop overs in other non restricted countries but this adds a lot of time.

lakesummer · 03/06/2021 20:11

Cross post! I know immigration is problematic at present but I do know someone who with a terminally ill parent was able to do this.
It probably helped their company has good immigration lawyers.

Original poster
Zippy1510 · 03/06/2021 20:15

The “presidential proclamation” says that certain close relatives of American citizens are allowed to travel in. This includes their spouse and young children (I think it’s under 16)

OP posts:
ZZTopGuitarSolo · 03/06/2021 20:22

@UserX

Families always go through immigration together so you should go in the citizen queue with dh. Do your children have dual citizenship?
This has not been my experience. On some journeys I've been sent with DH and the children, on others I've been told to queue separately.
tharsheblows · 03/06/2021 20:23

I flew into Boston a few weeks ago and passport control was the quickest it's ever been, the sum total of the conversation was "Welcome home [my name]". But I have Global Entry so a bit different although from what I saw they were processing everyone very quickly. At the moment because only US citizens and families can come in, there just aren't that many people going through too.

However! I'm worried about coming back to the UK because of the queues if the e-passport gates are still not open. The earliest I'll go back is mid July so I'm waiting to see how it is closer to the time.