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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to this post-Wedding party?

27 replies

Wonderwine · 03/06/2021 16:24

  • Old schoolfriend of DH's - lives in Europe in a currently 'amber' country.
  • His daughter is getting married and DH & I were invited.
  • was meant to be April, then June, then told 'save the date' for end August (due to covid etc)
  • I've only met the friend & his wife once, about 20+ years ago, and the daughter was about 6 then.
  • DH wanted to go to the wedding, but I kept saying 'let's see what the situation is in September'
  • we've just found out that they've now actually HAD the wedding ceremony (a small, family one due to restrictions) and the August date is for a 'celebration party' with wider family and friends. We are still invited.
  • DH still wants to go

AIBU to say I don't want to go because:

  • I barely know these people and we won't know any of the other guests
  • We don't speak the language of this country/ their friends
  • We've already agreed not to have a holiday abroad this year due to all the potential covid issues (testing, quarantine etc)
  • The cost/ time/hassle for something I don't actually think will be enjoyable

?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wonderwine · 03/06/2021 16:25

'let's see what the situation is in September'
Sorry, that should say August . . .

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 03/06/2021 16:27

YANBU, sounds awful even if we weren't in the current pandemic situation. Sounds like a big waste of holiday time and money to me

MadeForThis · 03/06/2021 16:29

I wouldn't.

TwoAndAnOnion · 03/06/2021 16:30

Do you have to go? cant he go alone?

Original poster
Wonderwine · 03/06/2021 16:32

@TwoAndAnOnion

Do you have to go? cant he go alone?
Well, that's what I'm trying to assess - If I can just say "well YOU go"

My best guess is that he will be a martyr and NOT go alone, but moan about it afterwards.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 03/06/2021 16:33

It sounds like it would be a nice thing for your DH to attend, I would suggest he goes alone if funds allow.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/06/2021 16:34

Wouldn’t go to an actual destination wedding let alone pay all that money to attend a party.

Misseasteregg · 03/06/2021 16:35

Not being unreasonable at all!

Iloveacurry · 03/06/2021 16:36

I wouldn’t want to go.

Ragwort · 03/06/2021 16:36

Why wouldn't he go on his own? I never drag my DH to my friend's celebrations and he doesn't expect me to go with him, unless it is 'joint' friends (of which we have very few Grin).

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/06/2021 16:37

Well, that's what I'm trying to assess - If I can just say "well YOU go"

Yes of course you can. Though it would be pretty selfish of him to make a hole in your budget to do something he knows you don’t want to do.

Shoxfordian · 03/06/2021 16:37

If covid is behaving itself then you could go and have a small holiday, sounds alright to me

BarkingUpTheWrongRoseBush · 03/06/2021 16:38

In normal time I'd say go and make a holiday out of it, why not - would be a nice thing to do in a middle of a holiday or the start of it. ... but with all the usual Covid restrictions and caveats now that is more difficult. I'd placemark and do it if you can.

(Unless they were the most boring people you'd ever met).

Original poster
Wonderwine · 03/06/2021 16:44

Yes, originally we had discussed having a mini-break around it, but it's really not in, or near, a very exciting destination.

And yes, they ARE (almost) the most boring people I've ever met Grin.

Don't want to drip feed, but now it's August it's really not the most convenient time. We have one DC starting uni in September and our other DC is moving house and will need us to help moving stuff up and down the country.

OP posts:
Ilovemaisie · 03/06/2021 16:47

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't give another thought.

Pottedpalm · 03/06/2021 16:48

@Wonderwine

Yes, originally we had discussed having a mini-break around it, but it's really not in, or near, a very exciting destination.

And yes, they ARE (almost) the most boring people I've ever met Grin.

Don't want to drip feed, but now it's August it's really not the most convenient time. We have one DC starting uni in September and our other DC is moving house and will need us to help moving stuff up and down the country.

Well you have a whole list of reasons why you don’t want to go, so don’t.
katy1213 · 03/06/2021 16:52

I wouldn't. Let him go on his own - and if he can't manage a social occasion without you to prop him up, that's his problem and you're not prepared to listen to him whinging.
As you say, cost, time and hassle - for people you don't like. Why would you even consider it?

quizqueen · 03/06/2021 16:52

I would spend a lot of money on travelling abroad to see people I hardly know.

Snoken · 03/06/2021 17:06

Sounds like my worse nightmare. I have been invited to the evening do after a wedding before for people I barely knew (had never even met the bride) and it was miserable. We didn’t know anyone, but everyone else were already very familiar with each other. I would not spend money on that. Especially as you don’t even speak the language.

StarryStarrySocks · 03/06/2021 17:14

I definitely would not go. It's not like the bride and groom are going to miss having you at their party.

Original poster
Wonderwine · 03/06/2021 17:16

@StarryStarrySocks

I definitely would not go. It's not like the bride and groom are going to miss having you at their party.
Exactly this - the bride and groom wouldn't recognise us in the street!
OP posts:
Pipsquiggle · 03/06/2021 17:16

I would only go if you actually really wanted to visit that location, otherwise, sounds like a waste of money

cocoloco987 · 03/06/2021 17:34

Gosh no that all sounds ridiculous even pre covid

warmandtoasty2day · 03/06/2021 17:46

complete waste of time, save your money and go somewhere you'd both like to go.

BestOfABadLot · 03/06/2021 17:52

YANBU in normal times if I fancied a trip to that country I could see maybe going to the party and combining it with a visit to the local area (even then it'd have to be a place I had wanted to visit anyway) but at the moment it sounds like a whole lot of stress to stand awkwardly among people you don't know and can't communicate with.