AIBU to talk to HR?

[officedramanamechange]

Hi all...

Bit of context, I work in a field where we work in teams of two.

I've been in a team for around six months with a male coworker. I'm going on maternity leave in a couple months.

He's been very high conflict, to the point I've been worried for my health - keeping me on the phone for over an hour if I do something he doesn't agree with and when I say I have to go saying "that's not an option" until I have to hang the phone up, talking and debating in circles for hours if I have a comment or criticism, and he's threatened to talk to our boss 3x to stop working together.

But when he says it from his side, he says he's being completely reasonable and I'm being illogical and ragey.

He's already talked to our boss once about me (boss said break up if you want or try and make it work).

Now he's threatening to do it for the third time. He texted me multiple times saying I needed to convince him not to, and called me multiple times, and when I didn't reply he said "it's done" and he's made another appointment to talk to our boss.

It's really awkward because we're on a lot of projects together - so we'll be working together even if we 'break up' - and I really wanted to hang on until maternity leave (and my boss advised me to do that). It would be really difficult to break up and divide everything for only two months.

But would it be unreasonable to talk to HR about his behaviour? At least the constant threatening to go to our boss? I don't know what to do because I don't want to break up the team, so will they think I'm just complaining?

Don’t go off sick before your Mat leave-you’ll only have to face it on return

@carlywurly thanks I wish you could too haha

I know his last coworker who was in a team with him resigned due to mental health problems for the same reasons I'm facing - but unfortunately he didn't tell work the reason why.

They should have done an exit interview with the former co worker, but I guess it won't help if people can't be open. Please don't let him do this to you or anyone else any more. Find your fight.

Work is always so much better for everyone once you get rid of these people. They are utterly toxic to organisations and the good people should never need to leave because of them.

Cheering you on!!

This is such dereliction of duty from your manager as well.

If someone in my team tried behaving like this I’d haul them over the coals (in line with all appropriate practices of course).

I know his last coworker who was in a team with him resigned due to mental health problems for the same reasons I'm facing - but unfortunately he didn't tell work the reason why.

I'm sorry to hear you have PTSD and that is making it difficult for you to stand up to this. But if the previous one resigned because of it, don't you feel a little bit that you should help the next person? If you can't face the meeting yourself, or alone, is there someone you could ask to come with you?

Personally? I feel that you need to get to the boss first if you can't be there. And please join a union. It's too late for this time, but there will be another time. There is always another time for people who can't stand up for themselves at work. (for whatever reason, this is not being judgy, this is giving you a way to help yourself if it ever happens agaain)

You dont know what to say?

"My colleague is harassing me"
Give examples of his repeated phone calls and screenshots of his angry texts.

Hang up much sooner. Stop feeding him. Hopefully he'll go to your boss. Who will already know the difficulties you're having.

The guy sounds deranged.

Save copies of all the texts and write down all the times you can remember he had called and detail those conversations. Take it all to Hr. You need to protect yourself here, your need to avoid conflict is actively putting you in harms way. Hr will support you.

Put in a request to switch teams. Your boss is going to want you to wait for mat leave because it's less work for him/her.

You know you're not making a big deal of it - the previous person literally quit because of it.

You're pregnant and you have PTSD. If your HR know about both of those things, it should be a very straight-forward request to change teams.

Thanks all. I have a meeting with my boss next week (before coworker's).

Another stressful day. I'm just hoping I can stay focused and not get stressed or feel like I'm being difficult/end up sugarcoating the issue.

I dread situations like this more than anything!

It sounds to me as though one of the things that you should point out to your manager and/or HR is that this guy is spending large chunks of his time and energy having a go at you rather tha actually getting on with the job!