To put my youngest in a different school to my oldest

[Voiceofreason92]

So, eldest is in year 2- about to move to junior school BUT we absolutely hated the infant school. They spectacularly failed lockdown but even without that made it quite clear that academics isnt their priority. My child has made very little progress at all since starting (he is fairly bright), they barely lrovide a reading book and have done very little in year 2 other than revise year 1.
Now, second child is about to start foundation but a local school (that we didnt even apply for originally as its impossible to get in to) has made it known that they have spaces due to a low birth rate. Spoke to admissions who said he could have a place.
It would mean 2 kids at 2 different schools (will put eldest on the waiting list but not sure how likely he is to get a place)
Aibu for even contemplating 2 kids at 2 different school. I know that the original school will not do anything amazing with my youngest, and lost faith in the school but its going to be a nightmare at drop off and pick up

I had three in three different schools for about five years until the eldest left. It was logistically a pain but different schools met different needs of each of them (although one is younger so was nursery/primary when other two where at secondary).

Apart from the obvious with starting and finishing times also bear in mind different school holidays including inset days and the additional cost of uniforms - no hand me downs if colours differ.

It suited us though and now that my two eldest have left, the one school run seems like a doddle!

@danadas thank you for your perspective
I have a third child too (age 1) so im worried that if the two youngest go to the better school, my eldest will resent me for not putting him there

Your children are very young for you to be this worried about their academic achievement. Judging a school during lockdown is harsh.

However, if you’re convinced that the new school is ‘better’ (putting aside whether a more welfare driven approach vs academic streaming approach is ‘better’), YANBU to apply for your second child and then try and place the older one there too.

I had the opposite situation - two DDs were I n one Primary in Y4 and YR. I then moved the Y4 child who was very unhappy to an outstanding school we’d been unable to get her into in YR which suddenly had a place available. I then had DD2 on the waiting list for the outstanding school, but there wasn’t a place until KS2 - so she had to wait til then. The 2 school runs were a pain but totally worth it. DS then automatically got a place in the outstanding primary in YR.

Your eldest can’t blame you for not sending her to the better school if you put her on the waiting list too?

[quote Voiceofreason92]@danadas thank you for your perspective
I have a third child too (age 1) so im worried that if the two youngest go to the better school, my eldest will resent me for not putting him there[/quote]
As you’ve put DC1 on the waiting list you’ve done what you can.

If you don’t have confidence in a particular school there’s no point sending your other children there too.

It’s not just school runs though, it’s inset days and parents evenings and assembly’s etc- at the same school means no clashing of dates etc. If you have the time to coordinate two schools then fine, however I do agree judging a year of pandemic teaching may not be fair- how was the first schools ofsted?

We have our children going to two different schools. It's fine for our family but probably only works because they make their own way to and from school. It would be difficult if we had to pick them up.

If you feel strongly about the quality of the education then I'd enrol DC2 in school 2 and hope that DC1 will eventually get a spot. It sounds like you're not happy with the school regardless of how they handled Covid.

I had 2 in separate schools when we moved and one got a place locally. It wasn't for me. But I would have put up with it for the kids sake.

We put one in after school club so I could do the 2 pick ups. Fortunately dad works from home so could see older child to school in the morning.

We did then get a space for younger child after 4 months. That was long enough for me!! Although if he hadn't got a space I would have continued because the benefit to my daughter outweighed the impact on me.

I unintentionally did for a few months but I couldn’t cope with it at all so moved my DD to DS’s school when a space became available. They started at the same time in the morning so I had to drop DD off at breakfast club which cost £25 a week then dash to DS’s school. Luckily finished 10 minutes apart but some days it was touch and go as to whether I’d make it on time or not due to traffic.

I wouldn’t do it willingly, it was an extremely stressful period in my life.

Nothing wrong with this providing you have reasonable grounds, and as noted above, it's not just how the pandemic has been handled.

We made exactly that decision, and applied for a different school for DC2 for September. The logistics of two drop offs were very concerning, but for us were worth it to not start DC2 at a school we had no confidence in.

We put DC1 on the wait list, and for us, it has worked out as a space came up at Easter so DC1 has moved. He is so much happier at the new school that for us it was very definitely the right decision.

We talked to DC1 about the decision in advance of submitting the application to understand how us applying to a different school for DC2 and us applying for him to move made him feel. There would be weeks it didn't come up and then he'd say something about how it would be when DC2 started only to remember it would be a different school.

The best way to get your DC1 in is by putting DC2 in. Moves DC1 up to be a sibling.

I've got 2 in different schools. It was originally supposed to be for 1 year (older child's school doesn't have a Nursery class and younger child was to join his school for Reception) but I've been unhappy with older child's school this year and so younger child's staying where they are. (Not moving older child because he's settled and only a year to go) Older child will move schools in September 22 and I'm just deciding whether he'll go to younger child's school (3-18) or somewhere different. It's meant a bit of juggling (I work at a 3rd school!) but definitely worth it to make sure they're both getting what they need school wise.

You might find a place comes up quite quickly for DC1, when we moved our DCs school the reception age child got a place first then the others.

Just wanted to say, if you are unhappy with the school (and them rarely sending home any reading books for 3 years is a perfectly reasonable thing to be concerned about!) Then do it. Once you have lost faith in a school it's never going to work for you, regardless if other parents like it.

I'm one of three and during secondary education we all went to different schools- it was very much about meeting our individual needs. There was even a mix of state and private education and I can honestly say none of us resented eachother or viewed going to different schools in a negative light. As others have said I think the biggest difficulty can be logistics, but for us one school was local and the other two got buses as we were old enough to, so that helped.

My 3 are in 3 different settings. Thankfully we have no clashes and the start & finish times are all 30 mins apart.
8am for youngest in nursery twice a week, 8.30 for DD school, 9am for DS1 in pre school at an IR 3 days a week.
It’ll be this way for another year, then both my boys will be at the same setting from September 2022 but then another 2 years until my DD moves for secondary school.
You have to do whats best, even if it means a longer school run. The easiest thing in the world is to send all DC to the nearest school but it isn’t necessarily the best.

I had DC in two different schools for two years. I paid for after school club (three days for one child, two days for the other). It was a pain, but it was my choice (I also had a toddler at nursery on a third site!) Please don't expect the school to work around you and allow early pick up or late drop offs, you'll need to arrange care so that their school day is as smooth as possible. So, yes I would do it.

Yes, definitely put your younger child into the alternative school. You'll be holding them back otherwise. And if your older child asks when they are older, you say that you put them into the best schools that were available at the time!

Thank you everyone who took the time to respond. Seems like a lot of you have really made it work.
I have completely lost faith in my eldests school- so im nkt sure how engaged i’m going to be with the school moving forward should my second attend. Thankfully, my eldest is about to move to junior school so hopefully can turn it around.
I know those have said it’s unfair to judge a school in lockdown but it’s how they’ve handled themselves after the lockdowns that I judge!