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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family

25 replies

LeeNat26 · 01/06/2021 23:07

Okay, so I was in a group chat with my brother, sister & dad & we was discussing about my eldest brother (who isn't the group chat) about him moving out cos he did something wrong. He has autism £ is 38 years old, he's addicted fo gambling/buying/selling gadgets like phones etc. Anyway, he was caught stealing off my dad twice & my dad found that over £3000 in Hong Kong money had gone missing from his safe (somehow it was broken into) & my dad decided enough is enough he wants him out which is fair enough he's 38 years old & my dad can't trust him, he's thieved off us many times over the years, even stole £2000 out of my mums account after she died which was to pay for her headstone. So anyway, when things were raw, dad phones the police - nothing came out of it cos dad don't press charges or out but the police said they'd help with his gambling & find him a social worker. So, anyway I was talking on the group chat about making sure if dad gets him somewhere to live, to consider his mental health & well-being cos he's paranoid & needs to be in a safe environment & my other who is on the group chat started giving me crap about it, just bitching at me for it like not even being considerate to my brother & his mental health. I said I'd help my dad with the process & he said & I quote "you can't even look after your own child" & he claims by photos he sees on the group chat of my daughter, she's not looked after. When I told him he's never seeing us again after what he said, he just didn't care. He's very judgmental, holds grudges but always always has thought of himself as the bigger & better person who is always right in everything he says. I cried & threw my phone down after he said that & the fact he doesn't care about how he's hurt my feelings & offended our parenting & child. My daughter is well looked after, if she wasn't, I think someone would've reported me a long time ago. I just feel so hurt & will never forgive him for what he said cos there wasn't any need for it at all. AIBU? Am I right in cutting him out of my life? My daughter doesn't need a shitty uncle who says things like that, not only that he has only met my daughter TWICE since she's been born, shes 21 months now! He doesn't show any interest in any of us, since my mum died he became distant to us all. Only comes to see my dad when it's convenient for him & when it's someone's birthday or Christmas. Any other time, he doesn't bother. He's really hurt me & the worst bit is, he hasn't even apologised. That's how stubborn he is. He's always been this way & thinks he's above everyone else. I can't believe he thinks I'm incapable of looking after my child just by judging a photo of her that .. actually she's looking & is happy & healthy every time! HmmSad

OP posts:
Abc321xyz · 01/06/2021 23:13

What??

LeeNat26 · 02/06/2021 00:16

@Abc321xyz I'm not sure what you mean by what? Whether that's a shocked "what" or confused one

OP posts:
lakesummer · 02/06/2021 00:42

This badly needed some paragraphs OP.

I also think you have missed out a crucial word explaining who was unpleasant to you on the group chat.

I'm guessing another brother? But I'm not sure.

But yes, if someone in your family is judging you for supporting your dad then I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about that.

It is your dad's choice who he has living in his own home.

Abc321xyz · 02/06/2021 01:45

Confused what. Sorry, I have no idea what 5 your aibu is

Abc321xyz · 02/06/2021 01:49

Sorry that typed horrendously. Confused and no idea what your aibu is

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 02/06/2021 01:54

Your brother has made an upsetting comment about your parenting without any evidence. This is uncalled for and I’m not surprised you’re upset. Bit on the dramatic side to throw your phone down and cry however, YANBU to take a big step back from this brother. Just don’t engage with him, focus on supporting your dad where he need it.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 02/06/2021 01:57

@Abc321xyz the OP does clearly state that the AIBU is relating to cutting an uncle out of her life after he made unsubstantiated comments about her parenting.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 02/06/2021 02:04

Your brother criticised your desire to help your dad and made a very hurtful comment about your parenting.

It sounds as though feelings are running high at the moment; caused by worry over your father and your older brother.

You are not unreasonable to feel hurt over the comment from your brother. Throwing your phone and crying about it does sound very childish though and an over reaction. I’d put a bit of space between him and you. But I don’t think I’d sever all contact in the basis of what you have said.

LeeNat26 · 02/06/2021 22:26

No I threw my phone down in anger & cried in anger cos I couldn't believe what he said about my daughter & how she looks etc. It angered me so much & I was already angry beforehand due to the argument before he said what he said. I deal with my emotional s quite "childishly" but I express them how I want too cos how else can I? When I'm angry, I cry, when something someone's said hurts me, I cry.. just the way I am! Tbh how I reacted to his comment shouldn't really be an issue/a point youse have to make cos that's not what opinions I wanted you to give on that! But thank you for letting me know how I was childish reacting the way I did just cos I was angry & upset & extremely hurt by what he said & by the argument within itself.

OP posts:
LeeNat26 · 02/06/2021 22:27

& thanks to those who understood my post

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 02/06/2021 22:36

OP I think you need to calm down, take some long deep breaths and have another go at posting your actual problem.
Is your post about your brother or your daughter?
What is the main problem?

LeeNat26 · 02/06/2021 22:38

What my brother said about me not being able to look after my child that's the problem!

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 02/06/2021 23:05

Why do you think that he is saying these things about your daughter?

BlueDucky · 02/06/2021 23:19

Do you know what led him to say that? You say the photos you send in the group chat but if you know she is fine then don't let him get to you

LeeNat26 · 02/06/2021 23:24

That's what I said in my post, he finds ways to get to you & upset you. He judges quickly. He hasn't seen neither of us for months. The pictures I send on the group chat show no sign of neglect or her being unhappy or unhealthy but he says things that are his way of getting under your skin cos he can't win an argument or feels he's being treated a certain way which obv wasn't the case in the group chat. He just said it in the spur of the moment cos he knew deep down it would hurt me

OP posts:
jelly79 · 02/06/2021 23:26

Why let him trigger you so much if you know he is just trying to do just that.

Feels like some gaps in the story or I just don't understand why this blew up

LeeNat26 · 02/06/2021 23:27

He's 30 & I'm 28 soon & he treats me like a child, talks down to me like he's better & bigger cos he thinks he knows it all, he doesn't have kids & never will, of his own anyway... but he's horrible how he can be during arguments & he's always been the type to say hurtful things to get to you cos he knows he's won that way. I should've said "mum would be turning in her grave you saying that about her granddaughter" but it was too late hahahhaa! But my mum would be turning in her grave, she'd be cursing him for sure cos she wouldn't have allowed that to be said

OP posts:
LeeNat26 · 02/06/2021 23:30

Cos it just hurts having my own brother say that about my parenting, about my daughter. It's just how he stooped so freaking low to hurt me in an argument that wasn't relevant to children in the first place. It was cos I offered to help my dad out with my eldest autistic brother who stole off my dad & that's when he blew up & said I can't look after my own child & he also said "you haven't got your own shit together" like he knows anything about my life? He doesn't speak to me, I tell him nothing at all about my life, I'm not in social media for him to see anything about my life yet he sits & judges & makes assumptions that I haven't got my shit together? again, he just thinks I'm a child still even though he knows nothing about my life, my relationship & so on. The most he knows if I have a new job & will be starting soon which is better than my previous job but that's all he knows! I never have felt close with him, ever cos he chose to be distant with us & have some cocky ass attitude about everything & everyone. He doesn't care about me or how things he says or does hurt me - what brother is that?!

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 02/06/2021 23:34

It all sounds very... dramatic.
You already know that your brother is an arsehole who says arsehole things.
Honestly, this warrants an eye roll from you, not throwing your phone down and crying!

And all the stuff about your thieving older brother - all a bit muddled and irrelevant and adds to the feeling that you just need to take a breath here!

Long past time to stop caring what petty jibes your brother makes. I’d cut him off.

schoolfinder007 · 02/06/2021 23:37

This feels like Jeremy Kyle before TV's were invented.

Melitza · 02/06/2021 23:39

Tbh whilst your db is rude and judgemental you are also overreacting.
Why did his remark anger you so much if its not true?
You've allowed your db to wind you up.
Neither of you can disagree without feeling attacked.
If your dd grows up with a dm who throws things and cries everytime someone upsets you then she will likely be the same.
You need to learn to control your emotions and perhaps be assertive in a calm manner.
Tell your db that your dd is well cared for and you don't need his opinion.
Then change the subject.

BlueDucky · 02/06/2021 23:42

Maybe leave the family chat group and just talk to the family you get on with

altiara · 02/06/2021 23:43

Ignore him, he’s a knob. You can’t criticise parenting from a photo. You sound like you’ve got your life together and he just wants you in the little sister box.

LeeNat26 · 03/06/2021 00:09

Thanks @schoolfinder007 HAHA

OP posts:
LeeNat26 · 03/06/2021 00:09

Thanks everyone. Just wanted some opinions that's all,

OP posts:
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