Letting DD cry when she wakes up

[Helpme08999]

NC for this...But regular poster. Feeling like a crap mum at the moment. My DD is usually a great sleeper, 7 to 7, still has her daily naps at home but not at nursery. Her sleep for the first 8 months of her life were totally horrific.. She basically didn't sleep day or night. I was so exhausted I couldn't even function. From 8 months onwards when I stopped feeding her to sleep and changed up her routine she started sleeping through. We hit a rough patch when she turned 2.5 years where it was hourly waking, refusing to settle back in her cot, screaming.. I'd give in and bring her into my bed and then we'd both end up with no sleep at all. I was so snappy with her when she was fidgeting.. Then going to do a full day's work on no sleep. It was horrific. I look after DD single handedly, her dad has no involvement in her life.. And I have no family nearby. Its just me and her. She's been waking up again and I just can't face going in.. Not because I don't want to soothe her and settle and cuddle her, I love her so much and I shower her with kisses and cuddles every moment I'm with her.. But, the thought of going in and going through another night of no sleep and going to work with no sleep. I can't function properly.
Tonight I let her cry and just sat outside her room watching the baby monitor and I was crying at what a terrible mum I am for not going in to comfort her.
I'm so close to breaking point and can't deal with night and night with broken or no sleep then going to do a full day's work. I've tried everything :( tonight I just let her cry and I feel terrible but she's fast asleep again now.
I don't know what I want from this post, just feel guilty and wanted to put down how I was feeling

I was (still am) completely on my own it’s very hard

Ds slept in my bed then he went in his room and for a while would wake up

I put his mattress on the floor in my room so I was close enough I could just reach out and hold his hand

This worked for us and I don’t feel I have in he liked to be close to me

Mine was a good sleeper, but at 2 and 3/4 ish she got frightened at bedtime. I didn’t want to do-sleep but she needed to be close, so her mattress was on the floor at the bottom of my bed for a couple of months. Then we went away on holiday, had a family room. When we came home she was happy to go back in her room, we have it a through clean, new bedding and used ‘No Monster’ spray (lavender oil in water). Something or things in that combo worked!

Hope you find what works for you.

I ended up letting one of my DC ‘cry it out’. I just had to break the cycle of waking and crying and settling and sleeping and waking and crying and settling and sleeping.... I just couldn’t do another night of it.
I also felt awful. Still do years later but it worked. My mental health was shot to pieces at the time and I just couldn’t exist anymore on the amount of crap sleep I was getting. Something had to give.

And it does get easier

Prioritise your own sleep, OP.

You’re a lone parent, and you can’t pour from an empty jug.

Let her cry it out, she’ll stop at some point.

Honestly when she wakes up and cries I'm just sat waiting for the nightmare to end. She's woken up 4 times already.. I can't deal with the broken sleep any more.

How old is she?

How old is she now, is she in a bed or cot?

What is it she wants when she wakes up?

Have you got a double bed? Have you tried just putting her in your bed to start with, and just letting her sleep there all night? Mine have tended to wake up less that way. I know it’s hard, I totally sympathise, 3 of my 4 kids have been allergic to sleep.

Have you checked whether anything is disturbing her sleep? Itchy eczema waking her up for example? Or coughing from asthma? An undiagnosed case of worms that needs treating? Even eating too close to bed time used to play havoc for one of mine.