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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

1st Miscarriage

19 replies

Pixie8115 · 01/06/2021 21:29

Hello well I've just had my 1st miscarriage & I'm devastated. I already have 2 children age 4 & 5 and was finally going to complete my little family with my 3rd but at 8 weeks pregnant I started to bleed & was told the baby had no heartbeat at my scan, but I can't help feeling that I am to blame as I was taking cod liver oil capsules before I found out I was pregnant. Ive heard that they can affect the development of the foetus as soon as I knew I was pregnant I stopped taking them but maybe it was already too late. What an idiot I am I have since threw them in the bin as I want to try to conceive again. Am I to blame I'm ashamed for not knowing.

OP posts:

NoMoreAngelDelight · 01/06/2021 21:34

Of course it’s not your fault. Sadly these things happen without knowing why. There could have been 101 reasons why you miscarried unfortunately.

Pandasarecool · 01/06/2021 21:34

I’m sorry you are going through a miscarriage. I’ve had 2 myself. But please don’t blame yourself. It’s nothing you’ve done. Sometimes, sadly these things just happen.

imaginethemdragons · 01/06/2021 21:35

While I understand where you are coming from I have to strongly disagree with you.
I have had multiple miscarriages and after torturing myself about how I may have caused my first 2 or 3, I know 100% that I did nothing to cause them because I was SO conscious of every single thing I did and did not do.
Cut out alcohol, caffeine, fish, cheeses, took vitamins, folic acid, cut calories, fat, sugar out of my diet...for years and years while ttc because I needed to know that I was not responsible.
You are not responsible, I was not responsible.
Shit happens. These things happen.
That’s it, no reason, even the experts say they do not know the reason for over 80% of all miscarriages so no, you did not do anything wrong.

RedHelenB · 01/06/2021 21:37

Likelihood is that there was sone abnormality with the fetus that you had nothing to do with.

HmmmmmmInteresting · 01/06/2021 21:37

I voted YABU because the vitamins will have had nothing to do with it. Sorry for your loss

Aquamarine1029 · 01/06/2021 21:43

I'm so sorry, op, but the small amount of cod liver oil you took had absolutely nothing to do with your miscarriage. For as sad as they are, miscarriages are very common, and it is not in anyway the mother's fault. This is not your fault.

Original poster

Pixie8115 · 01/06/2021 21:43

Your comments mean alot thanks guys

OP posts:

Miljea · 01/06/2021 22:04

80% of first trimester pregnancies end in miscarriage, apparently. I guess the vast majority present as late periods?

It's not anything you did, it's 'one of those things'.

I know people feel differently about stuff, but I get a bit annoyed how women are encouraged to feel the same about a- I don't know?- '8 week pregnancy loss' as a still birth.

I had 2 early miscarriages, 8 and 11 weeks. But I also have 2 sons in their 20s.

I don't think being encouraged to find 'reasons' for early loss is in any way helpful.

It happens.

HmmmmmmInteresting · 02/06/2021 19:18

@Miljea

80% of first trimester pregnancies end in miscarriage, apparently. I guess the vast majority present as late periods?

It's not anything you did, it's 'one of those things'.

I know people feel differently about stuff, but I get a bit annoyed how women are encouraged to feel the same about a- I don't know?- '8 week pregnancy loss' as a still birth.

I had 2 early miscarriages, 8 and 11 weeks. But I also have 2 sons in their 20s.

I don't think being encouraged to find 'reasons' for early loss is in any way helpful.

It happens.

Surely you mean 20%?

HavelockVetinari · 02/06/2021 19:20

It is so unlikely to have been anything you did. Honestly, the overwhelming probability is that there was a genetic problem with the baby. I'm so sorry - I've been there 5 times and every single one has been awful. You're in my prayers

JaJaDongDing · 02/06/2021 19:21

@HmmmmmmInteresting

There are a wide range of estimates on miscarriage as understandable many happen very early before the woman may even be aware she was pregnant. It’s estimated to be more than half of all pregnancies in terms of outcome after sperm meets egg.

JaJaDongDing · 02/06/2021 19:24

I also had a miscarriage and blamed myself for having a latte...from research the vast majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and unfortunately the pregnancy was never going to result in a healthy baby at the end.
I recommend Katherine Ryan’s pregnancy loss podcast, I found it very soothing.

PurplePansy05 · 02/06/2021 19:26

Hey OP, as someone who had recurrent miscarriages (3) and did everything by the book and has since read tons and tons about miscarriages, you cannot blame yourself as honestly this had nothing to do with you. If you feel like it, I suggest you read up on the wider topic and you'll soon find out that the real reason would have been far, far more serious than your cod liver oil tablets, although sadly you may not be able to pin point exactly what it was this time. Sorry for your loss. Take good care of yourself and best of luck in the future should you decide to try again. xx

Peach01 · 02/06/2021 19:46

This is not your fault, you're not to blame. Over time I hope you come to realise that you've in no way caused this. Hope you're okay.

ShonkyCat · 02/06/2021 20:42

Absolutely not your fault (and I've never heard anything about cod liver oil affecting development).
I'm sorry. Take care of yourself.

GrandTheftWalrus · 02/06/2021 20:46

With my miscarriage I found out at just 4 weeks and had been working so stopped drinking/smoking etc and baby died at 7wks 3days. I was a model pregnant woman.

With my 18 day old baby I had no idea and went on holiday and was drinking for 12 and smoking about 40 a day and she's perfect.

It shows that no matter what we do these things can happen. I blamed myself after I lost the little one last year. But these things happen unfortunately.

Worriesome · 02/06/2021 20:54

I agree with the poster who said it was probably something wrong from the get go and nothing you did/took. Sometimes we blame ourselves but the truth is we have no control over which way it’s going to go. I’ve had a few miscarriages myself and I honestly believe there was probably a defect in the egg to begin with x

MyCatDribbles · 02/06/2021 21:02

At least 75% of the women I know who’ve had children have had a miscarriage, including me
It’s so very very common OP and nothing you did caused it

Miljea · 05/06/2021 22:59

I regard early miscarriage as 'it wasn't meant to be'.

We can tie ourselves in knots about what we did/didn't do.

But, IMO, like I said earlier, many, many very early pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Sorry for the loss. But hopefully a more viable foetus will follow.

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