AIBU to not donate to friend's charity?

[DancesWithTortoises]

Facebook allows people to ask for charity donations on their birthdays. Several people on my friends' list do this but it's not something I usually respond to.

However, one friend always asks for donations to a charity dear to both of our hearts which she supports all year round as well. Her target is never more than £100, which she usually exceeds. I always donate. She thanked me on my face book wall.

Within minutes I got a stroppy message from another friend demanding I support her charity as well. Because it's "only fair". This friend knows the reason why my other friend and I support the charity. I replied saying I wouldn't be donating because I don't, as a general rule, donate to facebook appeals but always made an exception for C's charity.

This provoked a somewhat bizarre reply consisting of a rant about favouritism, that her charity was more important and I should be fair and donate to all or none. And I am a poor friend.

I said, given the number that appear, I'd be broke if I did that and I was sorry but I wouldn't change my mind. This provoked a facebook status about friends playing favourites and well off people who don't donate to important charities.

DH said I should have just bunger her a fiver to shut her up. I disagree.

Your greedy friend is batshit. You support the charities you want to support.

Though equally this is why I don’t post publicly names and £££ amounts on pages like just giving etc - it’s up to me who I support and for how much

No, just ignore her and hope that she wakes up one day and realised what a twit she’s being.

I would ask your other friend to thank you privately next time though.

YANBU. I can't donate to every charity I'm asked to. I have a couple I hold dear and will donate to. But if I did every one I'm asked on FB I'd be skint half the time.

Oh god I wouldn’t bung her anything, this behaviour would just make me dig in even more.

What’s important to you isn’t important to her and vice versa. Charities usually receive donations from people who are emotionally or physically touched by what they do.

It is your choice who you give to and who you don’t give to.

I work for a charity. A well supported and well loved one. And support comes in all forms, it’s not just money. Whenever I get accosted by anyone trying to make me give money, it’s a flat out no. Because if I have money to give I’m going to give it to what matters to me. Not to someone who doorsteps me.

My response is always the same, I have a specific group of charities that I support for varying reasons. If your charity fundraiser falls within these groups I will pop some money in the tin/transfer etc. If it doesn't then I don't because there are so many charities and so many people asking for donations I would have nothing left to pay my bills. I only have so much aside for donations and to give to one that I wouldn't normally support would mean less for those that are genuinely close to my heart.

Your friend has no right to be stroppy and the Facebook antics following not getting a donation suggest that for her its more about the likes, drama and personal good feeling she gets from it rather than a genuine interest in helping the cause.
Leave her to vent as others will understand exactly why people cannot donate to an endless list of requests, don't donate as it just reinforces that her bullying 'Facebook shaming'/blackmail behaviour is acceptable.

YANBU. What is she getting out of this I wonder. People who genuinely care about charities don't behave this way.

Your dh's way would be to reward a bully!

Well done for sticking to your guns. Strange woman your friend!

If you followed DH’s suggestion it will only condone batship ‘friends’s’ behaviour.

I would have nothing more to do with ‘friend’ until they have apologised.

We haven't been close for a while. We met years ago through a mutual hobby, which the pandemic put an end to and it has yet to begin again.

I'll leave her to stew and see if an apology is forthcoming. Somehow I doubt it.

So you’re not even that close and she thinks that’s ok! Wow 😳

Do you think the underlying thing about this is that her birthday appeal didn't get as much money/people donating and she's grumpy about it because she's coming across as 'less popular'.

Either way she's loopy and doesn't deserve any cash for her charity. Because let's face it, no-one should ever reward bad behaviour and this was very much that!

I think you are right, Ada. A popularity thing.

Is hers an established charity? Not an appeal for life-saving treatment for her child or something? If it's the former, she is batshit crazy - ignore her. If it's the latter, you still arent obligated to donate but I understand why she might be so stressed and I'd probably do as your DH suggested.

It's a national charity. They both are.

I donate to the epilepsy society and that’s it. If I donated to everything I’d be skint!