"Why are you so bothered?"

[tentimesaday]

Why are you so bothered? or Why does this bother you so much? or similar - seems to be the new reply to anyone who voices any disquiet about literally anything online. Or not even disquiet, just raises an issue for mild discussion. The objective seems to be to ridicule the person for being over-invested in the issue. AIBU to think it's rude and belittling?

This question comes from people who made the time and were bothered enough to post a snide reply dressed up as ‘oh look at me, I’m so kind’.
They come from the same school of thought as those perpetually commenting on how bitchy and horrible a thread is….after they opened a thread knowing full well what the content would be, then read 30 pages while scoffing popcorn, then cracked their knuckles, stretched their arms to type ‘what a bitchy thread’, ‘why are people so nasty’, ‘why are you so bothered’.

I've just had this. I'm not that bothered but I like to discuss things sometimes. If none of us were bothered or interested in other people or situations there wouldn't be a mumsnet.

The ‘don’t judge’ brigade just like to shut people up. Of course they walk around with their eyes closed, minds switched off, have no opinions about anything or anyone. Just one big void in their heads filled with daisies and sunshine. Until they find a thread where they can tell people off.

It depends on what the OP (or person IRL) has asked surely? I don’t think there is anything new about it, it’s just a variation on ‘what has it got to do with you/what’s it to you/why do you care etc, all of which are as old as the hills - and sometimes they a perfectly reasonable response.

Depends on what is said.

I think there is a difference between replying on a thread saying “why are you so bothered” vs saying “xyz so why does it bother you?”.

The former there is no explanation and it doesn’t add anything to the discussion vs there being a post where someone explains their reasoning and adding “why are you bothered”.

Isn't it MN parlance to say 'I couldn't get worked up about it'?

@ViciousJackdaw

Isn't it MN parlance to say 'I couldn't get worked up about it'?

Somehow, there's a big difference for me between saying 'I couldn't get worked up about it' (ie, I hear you, but it's not something the annoys me) vs 'Why are you so bothered about this?'.

I don’t post that but often think it. The things people get wound up about on here when in RL you wouldn’t even give it a second thought.
Plus there are a lot of curtain twitchers/ sticky beaks on here.

@partyatthepalace

It depends on what the OP (or person IRL) has asked surely? I don’t think there is anything new about it, it’s just a variation on ‘what has it got to do with you/what’s it to you/why do you care etc, all of which are as old as the hills - and sometimes they a perfectly reasonable response.

Exactly. If someone posts that they're annoyed beyond belief because a woman on the 46 bus wears green tights with red trainers, its a perfectly valid response.

Yes, it's rude.

Often posted by someone who the post has struck a nerve with. Maybe they recognise themselves in the very thing that the OP is complaining about.

I see it here often, someone posts something quite lighthearted simply for discussion and are questioned on why they posted, why they care etc. So many times someone will reply simply to point out that the thread isn’t interesting to them. Makes me wonder what on earth people are supposed to discuss on a discussion forum.

It’s like we’re all supposed to walk around with our eyes closed observing absolutely nothing about the world around us.

I mostly see this on posts where the OP is being a complete judgy dick about something that really is none of their business. Or where someone is apoplectic with rage about some random very minor matter that wouldn't bother others in the slightest.

I get that this is a chat forum and it's nice to chat about inconsequential matters, to pass comment on current affairs, society etc, to ask advice about trivial things. That's all fine and mostly don't get this type of response in my view. It's the dickish ones that do.

It depends when it's being used. I often see it used when OP is irrationally wound up by other people making decisions that don't affect OP in any way and has usually made a thread with the entire purpose of slagging someone off. (Like the many "AIBU to think women who use instagram are brainless bimbos" or"AIBU for thinking women who cook home cooked meals every night are wasting their time" or "AIBU to think that mothers should give up their careers". On those threads, it's a valid question - why does OP of those threads genuinely feel negative emotions about the choices other people make when they have no impact on her? The answer is usually "because she's a bitch" in my experience.