My DF has been in hospital for 6 weeks after suffering a stroke. The stroke mainly affected his speech, his limbs are fine but he has chosen to be bed bound.
He has refused speech therapy, physiotherapist, occupational therapy and his medications.
We had a meeting last Weds with his Consultant, who was very blunt, telling us his limbs are good and strong but he is choosing to stay in bed. He is now wearing pads because he refuses to get up to use the bathroom.
He has stage 4 kidney failure, heart failure among other co morbidity conditions. We were told the best place for end of life care would be a nursing home, which we (myself and DSis) agreed to. We were told he would be assessed there and then we would be told which homes would suit his needs and we could go and look at them, choose a couple, and the management from these homes read the assessments and decide if they can take him. He said it was a long process.
On Friday DSis got to his bedside to find 4 members of staff surrounding his bed trying to do a COVID test, he was refusing. She asked what was going on, to be told he has to have this test or he can’t go anywhere. As we weren’t expecting him to be going anywhere, she asked if that was necessary, and was told yes as he was going to a nursing home that afternoon!
After a flurry of phone calls, I found the name of the home he was going to, and made an appointment there and then to go and see it.
It is clean and modern, freshly decorated with only a small number of clients there. Also by sheer fluke got to speak to another residents relative who was really impressed with the care.
I agreed to his going, filled in lots of paperwork, allergies, likes, dislikes, hobbies etc. Had a good chat with the nursing sister and the manager.
In the meantime DSis had talked him into doing to COVID test himself with supervision. Transport was delayed but rebooked for Saturday.
Saturday morning, I am woken by the hospital calling me, he is still refusing to be tested could I go and try.
After sitting in traffic for an hour and a half I got to him, asked him, he refused, begged him, he refused, argued and he refused. He is not going and is staying in hospital according to him.
I tried to show him the video and photos I had taken of the home, he refused, because he’s not going. He got very verbally aggressive, pulled his blanket up over his head, pretended to be asleep (a technique that has worked very well for him over the last 6 weeks).
After 2 hours I admitted defeat. His sister went to see him yesterday to try, same result.
My DSis went to visit today, didn’t force the issue, but when the opportunity arose she mentioned it again. He hasn’t had a wash today, but he’s not bothered, he is now refusing to let them take blood, or do the regular observations. He has been warned he will be moved from there tomorrow, whether he agrees or not. He has only really got to stay because it is a bank holiday here and they’re quite short staffed.
I assume that they will be calling me in the morning, when he becomes difficult, but my presence will not change that, the same applies with my DSis, in fact he’s even less likely to listen to her than me.
Anyone else been in this position? My aunt works at a care home and has had residents delivered restrained in a wheel chair, I hate that thought, but the nursing home really is the best place for him. He only has a maximum of 6 months to live. Neither of us are in the position of being able to care for him in his own home. We have no access to his money to pay for care privately.
I’m stuck, but worried about him.