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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a little bit annoyed

10 replies

giraffes2021 · 31/05/2021 15:46

Ok so been out on a family day today.
On a park and DD who is 3 starts throwing a paddy as she’s getting hysterical as she likes to try and do her own hair and put her clips in. Anyway she’s having a massive breakdown on the park I was trying to just ignore it anyway DP starts raising his voice at her in the park telling her to calm down but not in a calm way.
We was supposed to be getting an ice cream and he’s now saying she’s not having an ice cream etc (which I do agree with) but I wanted an ice cream myself and then I just thought for the sake of not ruining the day etc.

Anyway we left the park and then when DD realises she’s not getting an ice cream she’s going mental, walking back to the car and partner getting more stressed. Then now he is mad as he says I undermined his parenting and I do it all the time ? And it’s always my way! So I was saying well no I just don’t think shouting on the park is the best way etc.
So he’s saying well it’s always your way etc to which I say well tbh I spend more time with the kids and I sort most of the things for them clothes food day trips routine etc.

Now I feel a bit upset as now it’s got me thinking about what he’s said?

Aibu to be annoyed at him and now think you can sod off and sort the kids for the rest of the day now ! Yesterday I was out for the afternoon a long time cominug and surprise partner went to his mums with the kids but I packed all bags for them dressed them etc so he didn’t have to do any of that. I don’t mind obviously but then I feel like when he’s saying it’s all my way then i think you can sod off now! When I’m home with the kids it’s just me I work 3 days a week so the 2 days are me and the kids no help on those days. Maybe I’m just tired haha we do have a 1 year old and a 3 year old so it’s very full on.

OP posts:

AiryFairyMum · 31/05/2021 15:48

So did you get the ice cream or not? What's he annoyed about?

MrsTumbletap · 31/05/2021 15:51

This is a normal disagreement between parents. One wants to deal with a situation one way and the other another way. I do agree shouting in the park at them isn't the best way to calm a screaming toddler.

But you should always try and parent together and sometimes when my DH says or does something I think in my head I wouldn't deal with it like that. But I raise it afterwards, not inront of the child. You do need to be a united front.

Don't let it ruin your weekend. Have a chat with him and say I do spend more time with them but we need to parent together, I'm sorry I undermined you etc.

Not a big enough deal to fret over. Raising kids is hard!

LeafBeetle · 31/05/2021 15:51

The park thing sounds stressful for everyone - I think it's best just to let that one go.

However, it's rubbish that when you left him with the DC for an afternoon you had to pack all the bags and then he took them to his mum's! I can't bear men who act incapable of looking after their own DC for half a day. I'd tackle that rather than the incident in the park. Start getting some regular time for yourself and leaving him in charge.

Original poster

giraffes2021 · 31/05/2021 15:58

@AiryFairyMum no we didn't get the ice cream he was annoyed as I was sorta saying to him in the park to just not shout as it wasn't helping that's when he was saying about me undermining him

OP posts:

Original poster

giraffes2021 · 31/05/2021 16:00

@LeafBeetle I don't mind like sorting the things out for the kids etc that really doesn't bother me but then it does bother me when he says I want everything my way. So then I think well I'll stop doing so much then if that's the case! Argh think both just overtired and I need a rant.

OP posts:

Chamomileteaplease · 31/05/2021 16:16

There is a lot to unpack in your posts but I have just got to comment on the ice cream situation.

Your dd was playing up for whatever reason. But it is so unfair to then say right, you are not having an ice cream. The absolutely wrong way to deal with a situation.

Of course she will kick off more!

Always, always, warn about punishments. But not in the middle of a paddy because it's too late then.

And btw I agree about shouting not being a good way to calm down the child .

Bluntness100 · 31/05/2021 16:22

I’d agree with a previous poster, it’s not great to disagree wirh him in front of your daughter on how to parent. It confuses your child also.

It doesn’t matter if you’d do it differently. Your way is not always going to be better, irrelevant of some random on here telling you it is. None of us are perfect parents.

The message he is giving you is that when he tries to parent you tell him he’s doing it wrong. Does this happen? Do you play the you know better card because you work part time and spend more time doing child care?

If there is an element of truth to this it is going to make him reticent to do things alone. It’s self defeating

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 31/05/2021 16:29

I think undermining is doing the opposite to what he has said eg he says no ice cream and you give an ice cream. If you were just saying not to shout at her...that's a difference of opinion and yes ideally wait til she can't hear it but if one parent is doing something that is just making the situation worse and worse I think it's ok to step in. This started as a tantrum about hair clips which is pretty standard at 3 and ended up with her being shouted and and having her promised ice cream removed. I think I'd disagree with that style of parenting and there would come a point where I'd step in and say to let it go

Notaroadrunner · 31/05/2021 16:32

[quote giraffes2021]@LeafBeetle I don't mind like sorting the things out for the kids etc that really doesn't bother me but then it does bother me when he says I want everything my way. So then I think well I'll stop doing so much then if that's the case! Argh think both just overtired and I need a rant.

Tbh he doesn't really ever have them for a full day on his own he would just got to his mums so that the kids can play with their cousins etc which I guess isn't a big issue but then I think he's no idea what bloody stressful is! [/quote]
You need to let him parent too. If you are going out alone, you do not need to prepare anything. He's a grown man, and should be well capable of sorting the kids stuff. He might not do things the way you do them but he needs to be given the chance to learn how to be left with the kids for a day/night/weekend, whatever. If you pack their things and dress them etc, when does he get a chance to figure out what they need to wear, and what to bring to his mums? Stop doing so much as you really are only creating a rod for your own back otherwise.

HTH1 · 31/05/2021 16:32

She’s three. I would have just bought the ice-cream and spoken to her later once everything had calmed down.

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