Aibu - ex and new relationship

[Whatname2021]

hi all

Appreciate some advice, feel very stressed.

Marriage over almost 2 years officially, over before this but technically this is when I said to him for last time. Legal agreements signed however he is making life difficult. Stalking is a strong word but that is where my mind is going. I have found him at the back of my house, driving by very slowly, commenting via text about people at my house. He texts me going over elements of our marriage all the time.

He had our children yesterday and they must have mentioned guy I am seeing as he text me about it, even though he knew couple of months ago. Yesterday seems to have enraged him, he text me 20 times, some of them lengthy, I did not respond to an. One message in particular said he could see me online. This creeped me out a little, so I went upstairs and put on alarm. I didn't sleep well. He has also verbally abused me in front of the children.

He seems angry I have moved on, as he sees it very quickly, is now accusing me of being with the guy during marriage and saying it is horrendous thing to have my children around us.

I am tired of the constant abuse,however deep down worried about him and his mental health. He told me in anger one evening when marriage was over if he couldn't have me nobody could and he would kill himself if he saw me with someone.

I ultimately want to protect my children and am worried about him having them when he is so angry with me.

Please help

I think my standards were so low from childhood I couldn't see it

Please just call them and they will ask you what's happening and explain what you can do. They were so kind to me and if I hadn't called I wouldn't have been free if this sort of horrible manipulation.

You don't have to tell them who you are or where you live. Just explain and they will reflect back at you the dangerous situation you're in and provide advice and support - you need it x x x

And I have zero self esteem from my childhood but they told me what I needed to hear and now I am free x

You don't have to tell them anything about yourself or your personal details - promise x

They don't even care if you're a but pissed (I was)!

*bit

Please call the police first thing in the morning - he will escalate, at the very least they need to put a marker on your house but logically you need a restraining order.

In my experience, you are in danger right now as are DC. please seek outside help urgently and consider attending the Freedom Programme.

You have nothing to feel guilty about, you do not owe him anything. Your priority is you and the kids safety x

I agree, you and your children are in danger from him right now.
Keep an incident diary, and talk to the DV unit at your local police.

This is awful! You're in danger.

Sorry op 💐

Please ring the police and social services for practical support with regards to increasing your safety generally and at home. Don't wait for it to get worse. 💐

Saw him this evening, drove up along my house waited for minute and drove back around and then gone

For my mind, excuse me if I can't see this clear, is there ever a justification, is there ever a reason just feels so hurt at the end of marriage they do these things?

Only reason is misogynistic controlling abusive dickhead

You need to go to the police as soon as possible.

@Whatname2021

Saw him this evening, drove up along my house waited for minute and drove back around and then gone

For my mind, excuse me if I can't see this clear, is there ever a justification, is there ever a reason just feels so hurt at the end of marriage they do these things?

In dad’s case, it was the new lack of control over his life and the uncertainty of what to do.

Plus alcohol and his own demons.

It’s not rational, and it’s definitely obsessive. He’s unlikely to stop until he is stopped, with authority.

@slashlover

Stalking is a strong word but that is where my mind is going.

He's trespassing in your garden.
He's driving by your house.
He's obviously watching your house
He's texting you long texts without you even replying
He's monitoring if you are online.
He's making you fearful so you have to put the alarm on
He's verbally abusing you in front of the kids
He's making wild claims

It IS stalking and can/will easily escalate.

All of this and the particularly chilling part was "if I can't have you, no one can" - I don't want to be dramatic but I think you are in more physical danger than him (through suicide). Two women a week are killed in the UK at the hands of a current or former partner. Tell the police.

Hi OP. Just here hoping for an update? How have you got on? Are you receiving help? x

@slashlover

Stalking is a strong word but that is where my mind is going.

He's trespassing in your garden.
He's driving by your house.
He's obviously watching your house
He's texting you long texts without you even replying
He's monitoring if you are online.
He's making you fearful so you have to put the alarm on
He's verbally abusing you in front of the kids
He's making wild claims

It IS stalking and can/will easily escalate.

This is a police matter.

Ring Women's Aid for advice.

Take this seriously OP.

Hi everyone, thank you for your support. I had a lengthy meeting with police yesterday, they outlined all options for me and confirmed I would be able to get an order of safety against him.

I spoke to a counsellor and a last ditch attempt ot try and resolve, I asked him to attend counselling with me to try and resolve and he replied bullshit, then said he would he agree if I admitted I was dating and who he was.

I didn't engage, that is it I think now

I'm glad you have involved authorities. I hope all goes well OP and you get the right support. He clearly will never engage in a healthy way.