First time mum & pregnancy bump or not?

[Tilly18101]

Hi,

I definitely think I am being overly sensitive but I’m a first time mum to be, first baby in the family and nearly 18 weeks so starting to ease on my anxiety now that something might happen.

However I am sick and tired of being asked do you have a bump yet, let me see, how far are you, gosh your not showing yet, it’s not very big is it, is everything ok, are you eating enough etc.

I’ve even had one family member go to lift up my top to have a look!!

I know everyone is excited, but I’ve always been super self conscious about staying slim and now I’m pregnant I am very freaked out about the idea of a big bump and all the questions about my health, what I am doing, not doing, is driving me bonkers!! I’ve tried laughing it off, I’ve tried saying I’d rather not talk about it, I’ve tried being a bit blunt by saying ‘I don’t ask about your stomach’ and nothing deters people! AIBU if I start to get really straight with people, I don’t want a fall out but I cannot do this for another 22 weeks!

I know it comes from a good place but I literally want to scream at them to Get lost and leave me alone.

YANBU.

It’s your body, they might mean well but they’re overstepping your boundaries and I would firmly tell them ‘no’ if they are being pushy. You’re not public property just because you’re pregnant.

Yanbu. I really feel for you. I found this behaviour to be very common unfortunately but is obviously inappropriate. I had the opposite problem, I.e massive bump. I got comments all the time and I used to dread seeing some people and walking around the office at work. I don’t really have any advice. Sometimes I would laugh it off “haha yeah I know I’m huge” or be a bit more honest and say “that makes me feel a bit crap to hear you saying that”. 💐

@Shinytaps I’m sorry you had similar - it’s just not nice at all is it. I feel like I’ve lost my identity, everything is about my bump (or lack!) and baby! It’s hard to laugh it off too after a while isn’t it?

It’s really difficult to keep laughing it off. I also think if you have a smaller bump people think it’s a compliment to say you’re ‘neat’ or whatever 🙄. But you are totally not being over sensitive!

I had a small bump with my DS1, so much so that people used to comment, “you don’t look that big for 6 months gone” “are you sure you’re due in xx” it made me feel crap tbh and full of anxiety about my baby

They are massively overstepping the mark & your best bet is to calmly brush them off/tell them no.

However separately it sounds like you maybe need to come to terms a little with the fact that your tummy needs to grow to accommodate a growing baby. You may have always been "super self conscious about staying slim" but just try to focus on having a healthy body and healthy baby, continue to do the exercise you would and eat a nutritious diet, and feel calm in the understanding that with some effort & time to recover, you should be able to return to a slim shape again.

I think you need to brush it off. It’s the same conversations give or take as I had with my first pregnancy over 20 years ago and with my other pregnancies since. With my last I got big, very quickly, also had a very small gap between number 2 and number 3. I got wow, are you sure there aren’t two in there and other comments about being pregnant so soon after giving birth. It’s just what people do!

Oh and it can be worse. DD had severe growth restriction but you couldnt tell from my bump....which was huge. I had people constantly telling me she must be growing big in there. She wasnt. It was just me getting fat and it was a bit rubbish having to explain to various family friends etc that I was having to have her out early because she was tiny, when they'd just commented on my big fat bump.

People are just showing an interest, I don't think there's any malice there from what you've said. Its just part of the usual pregnancy small talk alongside asking about your cravings or morning sickness.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant. Starting to show quite a bit now. It honestly doesn't bother me one bit when people comment on my bump. I think it'd be a bit weird if they didn't because its quite a change on me!

Sorry, but you might as well get used to it now! I had 3, was small with all 3, had the comments with all 3. Got sent for repeated growth scans with all 3 (they were all fine).

Get yourself a standard response and repeat it like a broken record, then change the subject.

Wait until your baby is here and your sister thinks you leave him to complain (not cry!) for too long before picking him up, but your mum thinks you're too soft and need to stop fussing over him

People are interfering, rude and lacking any sense of boundaries at times. You're just in one of those times. Deep breaths, remember they mean well, tell them you don't like it and want them to stop.

Congratulations. Plenty of great stuff to come too