How can I move forward from my toxic ex?

[NatashaRavindran]

I was in a 4 year relationship with someone who I thought I was going to marry.

At the start it went all great but then I noticed that he wanted me to look a certain way and when I did things like my phone being on silent or missing gym he would snap to the point where he would kick me out sometimes. When he got angry it wasn't the nicest thing because he would call me names from A-Z, compare me to other women...it would mess with my head and he would ask me questions where I would have no choice but to give him the answer he wants to hear to satisfy himself.

All of this led to me feeling afraid to tell him things because I was so scared of how he would react, scared that he'd break up with me.

I was so scared because I didn't want to go through any of that emotions turmoil it would put me through like having a panic attack, depression and wanting to kill myself.

We eventually broke up because he found out that I was hiding things from him like my friends not knowing we were back together and that my sister's fiancé moved in with my family.

I know my behaviour was wrong. Me not telling him what was going on was wrong of me, but I just need advice/perspective from someone else because I don't know if that's because of his past reaction or if I'm making things up in my head.

Just be glad you’re out of it OP. It was clearly a highly toxic relationship, don’t second guess yourself for things you didn’t tell him, he was clearly controlling and manipulating you and you’re so much better of out of it.

You might still be sort of under his influence, you had very valid and good reasons not to tell him stuff and he’s the one that should be feeling bad not you. I would in any case recommend you to keep distance from him so he can’t hoover you back in and consider therapy.

You are well rid of this controlling bully.

A relationship is supposed to make you feel happy, loved and secure.

If it's not, it's not a relationship worth having.

You are trauma bonded to him, its really hard and takes time and effort to break these types of bonds, but you must. One day (soon) you will be free of it, look up trauma bonds online there is lots of help available and techniques you can use. Maybe see if you can get some CBT that can help.