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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to take a lower paying job

29 replies

TheValeyard · 31/05/2021 09:11

I've been with the same employer for almost twenty years, and in the last few years have been taking on increased levels of management responsibility. About three years ago, I was seconded out to work on a project when my line manager became ill and had to take a leave of absence, and when I returned I was asked to cover his role. This situation continued without resolution until late last year, when my manager left our service and I was offered the vacant role. I was very reluctant, but took up the offer, and have spent every day since wishing I hadn't.

I have come to the conclusion I am very ill-suited to management. There is so much to keep an eye on, and the management of staff itself just drains me. The last year has been extremely hard with the staff dispersed and working from home, and our role in the pandemic has meant a huge amount of extra and challenging work. I have a good relationship with our staff and with my management, and it is a good place to work, but I just think I am wrong for the role.

I hardly ever have a good night's sleep, and often wake up in a state of panic. I am extremely anxious the whole time - I spend Sunday nights in a state of dread about the coming week, if I take a day off I spend most of it checking my work emails.

The difficulty is, the job is very well paid. If I stick at it we really have no money worries - in the last year we have been able to afford a lot of much-needed upgrades to our house, which would be very difficult to finance otherwise.

I feel I am letting my family down by even considering giving up an income which could help us so much, but feel I am in a job which is slowly crushing me.

Has anyone moved to a lower paying job for less stress/anxiety?

OP posts:
TheValeyard · 31/05/2021 12:53

have they offered training or coaching

I put myself on a couple of in-house management day courses, and I was also put forward for a leadership development programme. I enquired about mentoring as possible ongoing support, but nothing was ever done about that.

OP posts:
PromisingMiddleagedWoman · 31/05/2021 13:35

I think one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves as a society is that non-stop progression at work is the norm. It will suit some people to always be striving for the next level and taking on more responsibility, but it’s not for everyone.

It’s taken me a while to realise it and to be happy with my decision, but I’m now at a point in my career where I know I don’t want to ‘progress’. I have enough responsibility, autonomy, earn ok amount etc.

My advice would be - life’s too short to stay in a role that you know isn’t for you, and is making you unhappy and anxious.

ThinWomansBrain · 31/05/2021 18:07

I'd be tempted to push for the mentoring - and you were "put forward" for the leadership development - did you actually get to do it?
It's really unfair of them to promote you to a managerial role, but not provide support and training - for both you and your team.

altiara · 31/05/2021 19:16

Could you investigate the other role and see if you can negotiate on salary?

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