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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paid for housework

14 replies

DeblockadeEuropa · 30/05/2021 21:04

AIBU, partner suggested paying me for housework as we’re both busy, he works longer hours but I work less hours. I think it’s patronising, what does everyone else think?

OP posts:
Hesma · 30/05/2021 21:35

Get a cleaner!😀

suspiria777 · 30/05/2021 21:40

Yeah, suggest he puts what he'd pay you towards paying a cleaner.

Aria999 · 30/05/2021 21:54

Probably patronizing.

If he earns more and you do more housework then it might be a good idea to share your joint money out more evenly, but paying you for housework feels a bit weird!

How long have you been together? Do you see him as a long term prospect?

Merchymor · 30/05/2021 21:59

Get a cleaner rather than change the dynamic in your relationship. If you take on this kind of responsibility now you'll never shake it even when circumstances change.

Says a lot that he sees you as hired help. Sorry.

Palavah · 30/05/2021 22:01

Is there a reason you're not pooling income and taking from the pool equally?

Macncheeseballs · 30/05/2021 22:04

Can't you just share finances

Original poster
DeblockadeEuropa · 30/05/2021 22:15

Yes everything else is shared equally, we pool our finances, bills split 50/50. We are in the process of buying our first home together and also corona has postponed our wedding by a year. Will look into getting an actual cleaner though... thank you for advise

OP posts:
Countrycode · 30/05/2021 22:17

Yes I think it sets a bad precedent. Outsource it, don't make it your "job", it won't bode well for the future.

Redwinestillfine · 30/05/2021 22:30

He should absolutely pay a cleaner if he has spare cash and doesn't want to clean. It's insulting enough as it is, that he thinks he can get out of it by paying the little lady, even more so if he was going to pay you worse 'rates'.

Cattitudes · 30/05/2021 22:40

Our finances are joint, I don't particularly enjoy gardening and have injuries so I have organised a gardener to do my share of the gardening. This means that dh can no longer claim that he sometimes takes the bins out and does some gardening as his contribution against all of my cooking, childcare, laundry and quite a lot of cleaning. I have encouraged him to consider sorting out a cleaner to mitigate his lower contribution to household chores. So yes, if you already do more than him then he needs to find a cleaner for his share of the work.

Palavah · 31/05/2021 08:18

@DeblockadeEuropa

Yes everything else is shared equally, we pool our finances, bills split 50/50. We are in the process of buying our first home together and also corona has postponed our wedding by a year. Will look into getting an actual cleaner though... thank you for advise
Yes, so given that you do this it makes no sense for him to pay you to clean.
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/05/2021 08:21

Well, it depends.

Does he mean "a cleaner who will come and do a deep clean once a week for 3 hours costs X so here is X, can you do it?"

Or does he mean "My fee will cover picking up after me, laundering all my clothes, I will never have to tidy up again"?

Even those with cleaners still have to lift a finger every now and then.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 31/05/2021 08:42

I suggested cleaner once because we both did long hours for a while, and DH announced that he will rather do it for that money😂
I think man just look at paying for these things differently.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/05/2021 09:12

You've said 'we pool our money' which means you have one joint pot, so he would have no need to pay you. Did you mean that?

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