...to think this won’t be fun.

[costerica]

Do big group trips ever work where some couples have small children and others are childfree and some people stay up late and make lots of noise and others wake up early and make lots of noise and some need naps and meals at vaguely routine times and others want to go with the flow?

DH’s group of friends is very close to booking what I think will turn out to be a shit trip for everyone.

Sounds hideous.

@Blankspace101

YANBU - and the people with kids will be expecting everything to be done their way.

This is the key. It depends on how the parents are expecting to happen. Due to time difference, when we visit family abroad even though we have children we are on «child free time» ie go to bed late and sleep in the morning. Our DC are also fully flexible with meals, can wait a while after getting up if we are going out for brunch for ex. I find holidays with most families are not really relaxing as they are up early and are annoyed we aren’t! We are not even complaining about their noise but apparently the fact that our DC are still in bed means theirs are bored. Then lunchtime they will get all stressed out about when we will eat, think urging us to choose between 2 ok restaurants that have tables vs one that would be better but with 30min wait. But then, they are good friends, so we grin and bear - and I’m sure they do the same about us ;)

@GreenClock

I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with young kids. Been there, done that.

And if the women get lumbered with the kids whilst the dads have a party, it’ll cause resentment amongst both mothers and non-mothers. I wouldn’t want to spend my holiday time playing rounders or Hungry Hippos with other people’s kids whilst my partner and his mates got stuck into the cider.

This.

I've had my young DC, I've done the holidays that are actually far more work than just bloody well staying at home due to the needs of babies/toddlers/preschoolers.

My DC are older now and a holiday genuinely feels like a holiday.

I would have very very low tolerance for the needs of babies/toddlers/preschoolers on a group holiday now because I spent years looking after my own babies/toddlers/preschoolers and I don't want to feel myself dragged back into that world. It's not that I didn't enjoy it at the time, more that I've just moved on from that stage of life, and I don't find babies and toddlers that endearing any more.

That said, these kind of group holidays CAN work if people are realistic and if they can have their own individual space - i.e. caravans or centreparcs type lodges but not repeat NOT one great big communal house.

You stay at home with the DC tell your partner to go and enjoy himself. He can regress all he likes and not worry about whether you/DC are enjoying yourselves. Also gets you a weekend of free time in the bank for a later date.

@KingdomScrolls

You stay at home with the DC tell your partner to go and enjoy himself. He can regress all he likes and not worry about whether you/DC are enjoying yourselves. Also gets you a weekend of free time in the bank for a later date.

I agree with this. He can go if he wants. If these are all his friends then there is no need for you and the children to be dragged along while he gets drunk.

I would not have my children in an environment that stunk of weed, or where people were drunk or stoned.

It’s great fun. We’ve rented a few huge country piles, taken a huge mix of people, and everyone does what they like. The kids all crash and go to bed, the adults stay up drinking, some wake early and then adults drip downstairs to share big pots of coffee while the kids charge about outside.
I’ve been both a child-free member of the party and now I have a kid. I think as long as the accommodation is big enough, it can work.

No way would I do this as a child free couple. It’s bad enough going for lunch with other people’s kids. I just can’t relax when they’re climbing all over the table, threatening to throw their yoghurt everywhere or running off constantly. You can’t even have a proper conversation because the parents always have one eye on what the kids are doing.

We went camping with our friends recently. We're the only people with children and it was really nice. I think it depends on the friends and the children. The kids really enjoyed it and came with us to the pub, we played games, then the went to bed easily and we sat up outside the tent. They're heavy sleepers which helps.

It depends on what type of people they are.
We went with a group with young children and a teenager, the young children all went to bed at the same time and entertained each other but the teenager was bored and changed the dynamic somewhat.
Also we had the grabby couples, taking the bigger bedroom, the ensuite. Divvying up the food at the end, we'll have the cava and deli meats, you take the corned beef and beer etc.
And then there was the girls cook/babysit while the boys go out for drinks.
In the end you have to weigh up if you really want to see these friends vs how much enjoyment you will get out of it.

I have young DC and would absolutely hate this. IME holidays with small children aren't relaxing, if anything it's more work than being at home and the only way we've ever managed to enjoy (I use the term loosely) a holiday with a child under 5 is by keeping some semblance of their routine going so they're not an overtired mess. I would find it really stressful if we were with childfree couples who (understandably) wanted to sleep in, stay up late, have long leisurely lunches and eat dinner at a proper grown up time etc. I would feel we had to either fall in line with what they wanted to do, which would be a recipe for overtiredness, leading to disturbed sleep and tantrums, or just take the kids off and do our own thing, in which case we'd be isolated from the group and might as well just go away on our own as a family anyway!

It sounds like a nightmare but I’d also be concerned that your DH will expect to join in with the partying and sleeping in til lunch time, leaving you trying to shush the kids all morning.

Me and DP did lots of group holidays with friends before we had DC but our friends did. Was never a problem, we all respected eachother and understood it might not be as rowdy as our trips when we were all child fre3

I do this every year (under normal circumstances) as someone without children.

It works fine. The holiday isn't based around going clubbing and getting wasted - I know that and would go on holiday with friends minus their kids if it were.

Big enough accomodation is key. Decent grounds/garden so the kids can roam around.

Usually parents alternate getting up in the morning, the resting parent and child free adults turn up later for breakfast then. No requirement for all meals to be together!

The kids mess about together with parents taking turns to keep an eye on them. With a big garden/pool/outdoor toys etc plus having a bunch of kids to play with, they seem delighted and so tend to just stay there all day playing/swimming/scooting etc. We don't really take them out on activities beyond a picnic in the woods near the house with teddies etc.

Childfree adults and parents not on duty might go for a walk/bike ride/excursion etc.

Usually I and the other child free adults marshall the kids for a few hours at some point so parents can have a lunch date/walk/etc together because I like my friends and it is a nice treat for them (i quite like their kids in manageable doses as well)

The only hard and fast rule we agreed on was the kids go to bed at a certain time. It may mean one parent is upstairs attempting to force them to sleep for a while but it means all adults know when the kids are expected to be gone.

And then it means we have a few hours of chatting, dinner, catching up etc without small people. I don't expect 24 hours a day of undivided attention from my parent friends - 3 hours is a delight and helps maintain our friendships.

The important bit to harmony is that both parents pull their weight. The tension if one of them does not is palpable.

So yeah if they want to get wasted all the time, just send the lads off on a child free weekend. But holidays as a group can work if everyone is a grown up about it and realistic

I don't feel like anyone's gonna have fun here. As the childfree friends we'd hate having to do kid friendly stuff/being woken up by children/be on best child friendly behaviour.

Our friends with children would hate having to be in parent mode when the rest of us weren't and would probably resent the rest of us being noisy or drunk late in the evening.

I’m so glad I found this thread again. This holiday is happening TODAY and it’s going to be so shit. Can’t believe I let myself be talked into it.