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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take my kids on a “proper holiday” this year

50 replies

cadburyegg · 30/05/2021 18:00

Feeling a bit sad about something a friend said to me. She has 2 DC both similar ages to mine. They take them out a lot, go on lots of holidays and weekends away in normal circumstances. They don’t spend a lot of time at home. I’m a single parent and the only thing we are doing this year is going to centre parcs for one weekend in august. CP is easy and my kids are 6 and 3. It’s partly about the cost and also I know by now that holidaying with young kids is the same shit different location 🤣

I’m planning on filling the summer holiday with a variety of things including holiday club for the eldest, time with their dad and grandparents, cheap days out etc. But my friend said “oh I bet you’re sad you can’t take them on a proper holiday” and I just realised that we won’t be. I know it’s silly but I just feel really sad about her pointing it out. Please someone feel better about not going on holiday/only going away for a weekend! I know we won’t be the only ones

OP posts:

MumUndone · 30/05/2021 18:47

I agree CP is a 'proper' holiday, but I know what your friend means, it's not a week or two abroad. But lots of people won't be doing that this year, lots of people don't do it in a normal year! I have two young kids and we don't really do 'proper' holidays - this year I'm really excited about a week on the Isle of Wight as we haven't done a full week anywhere for at least 3 years and being over the sea it feels a bit more exotic! Kids don't know any different and they'll love it. Children aren't 'naturally' materialistic, they'll love the days out you have planned and spending time with family.

IEat · 30/05/2021 18:47

Don’t try to keep up with anyone. It’s your family you do what you can.

Pipersouth · 30/05/2021 18:49

My whole childhood we only had one holiday at Butlins but always did days out and had fun on a budget. I have fab memories of all the different places.

MayflowerMaisie · 30/05/2021 18:50

We’re three holidays and a European mini-break a year people. We are going on zero holidays this year... last year we got to ski at Feb half term but that was it!
DC definitely not feeling sorry for themselves, and I do not feel guilty about refusing to play musical chairs with holiday bookings this year.
I’m not going to lie, I miss travelling dreadfully, but hopefully we’ll be back to normal 2022.
A trip to CenterParcs sounds perfect.

UpTheJunktion · 30/05/2021 18:52

It sounds as if you do lots of lovely things with your kids and 3 days in CP IS a proper holiday!

Ridiculous of your friend.

Moonwatcher1234 · 30/05/2021 19:06

This kind of one upmanship really sucks. What if someone who can’t afford “even” center parcs feels bad at you taking your kids away for a weekend that they aren’t in a position to do? Respectfully trying to say OP, comparison is the thief of joy. Have a lovely trip.

romdowa · 30/05/2021 19:09

Growing up our holidays were either a week at our nans or a week at my aunts! Loads of kids I grew up with never went on holiday and the most exotic place my neighbours went was Jersey 🤣🤣 we still had great summers.

angieloumc · 30/05/2021 19:12

She's very rude and not a friend. CP IS a proper holiday, just ignore her.

ineedaholidaynow · 30/05/2021 19:16

Pre-COVID we would ask where DS wanted to go on holiday. We don’t have a limitless budget but could afford many options. His first choice was always Centre Parcs, it is a holiday.
We aren’t planning to go anywhere this year and didn’t go anywhere last year, DS will cope.

threeteenstaximum · 30/05/2021 19:28

I'd be offended if "a friend" said that to me. We wish we could afford Center Parcs... it's an amazing holiday.

My childhood was camping and a "a big holiday" at Butlins each year. My parents have since gone travelling but not with all us (now adult) children (now with our own DC) as they couldn't afford the 3-4x it costs pp for school summer time holidays abroad with us. My children appreciate the holidays I can take them on, Butlins, camping and the occasional save up year for center parcs. Would love to go on more expensive ones and travel but travel insurance is prohibitive if you are disabled or any of your children have health problems.

I would have wanted to tear " the friend" off a strip for making such an ignorant snobbish comment

Seeingadistance · 30/05/2021 19:33

You should've said, "No, but I'm disappointed that you're not a proper friend!"

Peachesarepeach · 30/05/2021 19:34

Holidays are not holidays with small kids! And that's with 2 parents. I think you're doing an awesome job taking them to centre parks for a weekend.

I have holidays for me, and hope the kids enjoy it. They'd be more than happy at home with their toys.

itsgettingwierd · 30/05/2021 19:34

What's a proper holiday?

I take ds to CP for short breaks sometimes and we go abroad sometimes. We also sometimes go camping for a few days.

We didn't go last year (cancelled) and have decided not to book anywhere this year.

We may book a last minute camping holiday or a caravan for a week dependent on circumstances and cost and availability.

Well both survive! Lots of people can't afford holidays ever.

Castlepeak · 30/05/2021 19:37

Something like CP is far too dangerous given DH’s health status. Your friend is off her rocker if she thinks your children are being deprived. She should look into the lives of the immune compromised, especially children who are immune compromised.

M0rT · 30/05/2021 19:40

My single parent friend spent a fortune taking her now adult DC around the world when he was a child.
She also took him to visit me on a farm not too far from a beach.
The only childhood holidays he talks about are the ones on the farm and how he learned to surf when staying with me.
Can't remember Asia, mixes up memories of expensive Theme parks, but tells everyone who listens about how wonderful it is where I used to live.
He used to have to wear a hoody on the beach with the wind half the time and picnics were sliced pan, cheese and crisps!
But his DM was relaxed and happy and not worrying about safety, money etc.
He was allowed to play for hours, make friends with other children and had an audience for his sandcastle creations when he wanted one.
I think your DC will probably be talking about CentreParcs and local days out in the same way.
Enjoy your summer!

Minniem2020 · 30/05/2021 19:41

I work in travel, have a pretty big discount to use this year and I'm still not taking my kids away for a "proper" holiday. If we go at all it'll be Centerparcs as I really can't be bothered with all the testing, forms and worry of will we still even be able to go when the time comes etc etc

81Byerley · 30/05/2021 19:46

If the families we witnessed in Turkey are anything to go by, your friend's children are probably not having as brilliant a time as your children will have on your weekend at Center Parcs!

TigerMum8 · 30/05/2021 20:31

OP you sound like a brilliant Mum, don’t let snidey friends, who are probably jealous of how good a Mum you are, make you think otherwise.

yikesanotherbooboo · 30/05/2021 20:37

My opinion is that DC like being at home anyway. Holidays benefit parents more than DC. Don't listen to her. She is justifying her choices that's all.

Tal45 · 30/05/2021 20:53

What she actually meant was 'Oh I bet you're sad you're not such an amazing mum as me who takes her kids on 'proper' holidays'.

Unfortunately what she doesn't seem to realise is that there is no correlation between how good a mum you are and how many 'proper' holidays you take your kids on.

Passionfruitpizza · 30/05/2021 20:59

My kids have never been on a 'proper' holiday. When I've looked it's bonkers expensive to stay away from home. Hoping to go camping next year for our first 'proper' holiday.

Rightthen24 · 30/05/2021 21:20

With covid holidays this year and next will probably look different compared to whatever your normal is.
We go away as a family with our DC abroad pre covid 2/3 times a year and we have lots of days. Most of my friends do not have foreign holidays and I always think its a shame but I woukd never question it or call it out. Don't worry about it OP, do what makes you happy 😬

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 30/05/2021 21:29

I think holidays abroad are more trouble than they're worth this year. Especially if you have kids and need to do testing. I'd rather wait and go when everything is normal.
A 'proper' holiday is any time spent away from home imo. Take no notice of your bitchy friend.

4fingerKitKat · 30/05/2021 21:59

What is a “proper” holiday exactly?

I do actually like going away with the kids - I find being away from home is just different to doing day trips from home, I de-stress a lot - even though holidays with kids aren’t truly relaxing!

But it doesn’t have to be grand - I’m taking my two (also 3 and 6) camping for the weekend soon, a really basic farmers field about an hour from home and we’re all really looking forward to it, it’s costing £30 for the weekend (plus the price of a bag of of marshmallows for the campfire!). That counts to me as a ‘proper holiday’.

TheNoodlesIncident · 31/05/2021 09:11

@NicknamesAreLikeKleenex

MNers love to post “your so-called friend is a bitch” but if she’s normally nice I’d assume she’s just thoughtlessly projecting what her own feelings would be in your situation and trying to be sympathetic. A failure of imagination definitely but not necessarily a bitch.

I was thinking along these lines too, she may not have meant it to come across as badly as it did. Only OP knows if her friend is usually kind and considerate, or if it is likely to be a dig. If the latter, it would change how I thought of the friend for sure.

I do think your proposed plans sound good. Children tend to get more out of just a change of scene and they don't experience time in the same way as adults do anyway, so a weekend in CP will be marvellous for them.

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