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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should not demand more information if someone is exempt from mask wearing?

239 replies

youngandbroken · 30/05/2021 12:30

I know the importance of wearing a mask, and genuinely try to wear one when I can however I have CPTSD and some days are far, far worse than others (I tend to avoid going out where possible on these days). Today is one of those days, I live in a tower block and just went to put the bins out - that's all and had a woman stop me getting back up to my flat and have a go at me for not wearing a mask. I'm not comfortable explaining that I have mental illnesses, let alone explaining what caused those. I apologised and said that I am exempt to which she said NO your not, there are elderly people in this flat block. I know this and will always stay as far away from everyone as possible, constant hand washing and sanitizing and again I will wear a mask whenever I can do that without having a major panic attack. I ended up explaining but that then caused another panic attack.
All I was trying to do was take the bins out, there wasn't anyone else in the hallway when I went in, the woman followed me - if she had been there already I would have waited. Am I wrong to think that you shouldn't ask people to explain why they are exempt? I know there are people who do take the mick but there are also many who are genuine.

OP posts:
RoseRedRoseBlue · 30/05/2021 16:28

I definitely agree masks should go ASAP. I can’t believe someone is getting wound up over bins being put out mask free, yet it’s deemed ok for 100’s if not 1000’s of football fans to go to Porto on a jolly.

Namechangecosguilty · 30/05/2021 16:29

@Chamonixshoopshoop

Some days I just get so fed up about this bloody virus when I hear of people not wanting the vaccine and not wearing a mask to ‘make a point’ I feel very angry. People I see not helping the cause. I would never say anything but I get very angry. It’s not rational, but this year has been so horrifically shit and I’m desperate for us all to pull together and get out of it. The amount of people who genuinely can’t wear a mask is very small. Wear a lanyard and then I’ll know. Like I said, I know I’m not being rational I know I’m in the wrong. But that’s the honest answer. I’m just so desperate, tired, sad and bloody fed up.
Sorry you're struggling but imagine how my autistic son feels. He's singled out for being different all the time, a lanyard just makes it worse.

I feel for you having to live with this anxiety but he's entitled to be left alone.

I hate wearing a mask but I do it to make his life easier - the more people who aren't exempt who wear them the better for those can't

1forAll74 · 30/05/2021 16:32

There are a lot of people still lurking, and waiting to pounce on people, who haven't got a mask on, they just don't have the brain power,to think about why some people don't wear them for various reasons.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 30/05/2021 16:42

@toocold54

i am pretty convinced that at this point in the game, very few people are catching Covid as as result of putting the bins out without a mask.

Yes I agree but obviously if the landlord wants his tenants to follow the rules then they need to do so unless exempt.

I don't have a landlord and I'm not a tenant. I'm a leaseholder and the freeholder hasn't told us to wear masks, and none of us do. Again, is there something actually in law thay says people must wear masks in the communal areas of blocks of flats?
Snoozer11 · 30/05/2021 16:45

It's really not hard to wear a mask though, is it?

I think a few seconds of mild discomfort is worth stopping the spread of a virus that has claimed the lives of 130,000 UK lives.

But each to their own.

SamW98 · 30/05/2021 16:52

Covid seems to have given the self righteous interfering busy bodies an absolute charter to stick their nose into other peoples business.
If she's that bothered about you not wearing a mask, surely she would be better off keeping her distance but then she couldn't claim the moral high ground I suppose

I actually know of a teenager with Downs Syndrome who was berated in a supermarket for not wearing a mask and told she HAD to wear a lanyard. She's now too scared to go out to that shop as she thinks people hate her

toocold54 · 30/05/2021 17:07

I don't have a landlord and I'm not a tenant. I'm a leaseholder and the freeholder hasn't told us to wear masks, and none of us do. Again, is there something actually in law thay says people must wear masks in the communal areas of blocks of flats?

I don’t know what the rules are for you then but I know in communal areas of flats you are supposed to wear them just like shops, waiting rooms, hairdressers etc

Original poster
youngandbroken · 30/05/2021 17:09

@Snoozer11 if it were just a few seconds of mild discomfort I would wear one - when it causes full blown panic attacks to the point that I physically feel like I am dying and flashbacks to horrific events that then lead to me potentially putting myself or others at risk because I'm back in that fight or flight situation and I can't get myself out state it is that hard. As I said on my good days I do wear a mask, on days like today I can't. I normally do have a lanyard for when I have to go out on days like today but again I was only taking the bins downstairs and so I wasn't wearing it today.

OP posts:
RichardMarxisinnocent · 30/05/2021 17:17

I don’t know what the rules are for you then but I know in communal areas of flats you are supposed to wear them just like shops, waiting rooms, hairdressers etc
I live in a flat, I pass through the communal areas most days. You're telling me that the rules say I must wear a mask in the communal areas? Yet unlike shops, hairdressers, buses, trains etc there are no signs in the building telling people they must wear a mask. I also haven't been contacted by the freeholder telling me I must wear a mask. I live in England. Where are you getting the rule that masks must be worn from? I've seen advice that says it might be a good idea to do so, but seen nothing to say it is legally required.

Snoozer11 · 30/05/2021 17:19

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trappedsincesundaymorn · 30/05/2021 17:24

@Snoozer11

A full blown panic attack is a rather extreme reaction to wearing a few inches of thin fabric loosely against your lower face.

I think it's remarkable how a small, weightless piece of cottton can induce extreme panic attacks in so many of the population.

It is isn't it? Aren't you lucky that you are not one of those people and can sit in lofty judgment on other people's anxiety triggers. Hmm
SamW98 · 30/05/2021 17:31

@Snoozer11

A full blown panic attack is a rather extreme reaction to wearing a few inches of thin fabric loosely against your lower face.

I think it's remarkable how a small, weightless piece of cottton can induce extreme panic attacks in so many of the population.

Maybe think yourself lucky that you can't imagine it and have some empathy for those who do have to struggle with anxiety related issues and other reasons for mask exemptions
AlternativePerspective · 30/05/2021 17:35

Poor form to judge others when you don't understand the rules yourself. well, given the rules don’t say “if you don’t feel like wearing one then clearly you’re exempt,” I think it’s fair to say you don’t have a clue.

Heart failure plus associated potential for breathing difficulties here.

Similar my DS’ friend who has severe asthma to the extent he is hospitalised for it regularly.

If I wear a mask it impacts on my breathing, except that given I’ve been on both a ventilator and oxygen on more than one occasion putting up with the discomfort for a period is a small price to pay to not have to repeat the experience.

And you do get used to it, if you take it slowly. Maybe not for everyone, but clearly most people can wear a mask, some are exempt if e.g. their breathing is compromised, but on the whole “don’t like them” isn’t a valid reason for exemption.

It’s interesting how we don’t see these people claiming that they should be exempt in countries where mask wearing is almost obligatory at certain times of the year. It’s only in the UK where people seem to have to complain about everything.

Contrary to what others think, I personally think that masks should remain compulsory at certain times of the year such as e.g. flu season.

2bazookas · 30/05/2021 17:35

Update yourself on current restrictions where you live and quote them to anyone who challenges you wrongly.

Or if you just don't want to get into any discussion, simply wear a lanyard that excuses you.

callmemaybee · 30/05/2021 17:42

I am no longer wearing masks due to my skin disease. I don’t want to out my condition as identifying, but there are studies that state people w my condition shouldn’t wear masks as they are proven to exacerbate it. As there’s no cure for my disease, treating a flare up is practically impossible so prevention is better

However I am early 20s and people will assume I’m not wearing a mask as I “cba”, “don’t want to ruin my makeup” etc. I have worked SO hard getting my skin disease in check that random people wouldn’t believe I have it, so wouldn’t believe I have an exemption. Luckily no one has asked me.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 30/05/2021 18:09

Don't engage OP. It's the same with the nosey parkers who feel the need to police the use of disabled badges in car parks.

It would have helped if the powers that be had come up with some sort of exemption card though. We have the vaccination certificate on the NHS app, maybe they could have put it on there as some sort of starting point.

BlatantlyNameChanged · 30/05/2021 18:33

It’s interesting how we don’t see these people claiming that they should be exempt in countries where mask wearing is almost obligatory at certain times of the year. It’s only in the UK where people seem to have to complain about everything.

Almost every country has exemptions to mask wearing and the ones who don't tend to be those with poor human rights/disability rights/shitty rights in general. Believe it or don't believe it but not everyone is able to wear a mask regardless of whether you think they should.

VainAbigail · 30/05/2021 18:39

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itsgettingwierd · 30/05/2021 19:25

@RichardMarxisinnocent

I don’t know what the rules are for you then but I know in communal areas of flats you are supposed to wear them just like shops, waiting rooms, hairdressers etc I live in a flat, I pass through the communal areas most days. You're telling me that the rules say I must wear a mask in the communal areas? Yet unlike shops, hairdressers, buses, trains etc there are no signs in the building telling people they must wear a mask. I also haven't been contacted by the freeholder telling me I must wear a mask. I live in England. Where are you getting the rule that masks must be worn from? I've seen advice that says it might be a good idea to do so, but seen nothing to say it is legally required.
I'd like to know too! We've also never worn them in communal areas are it's part of household. We do SD though if we pass or wait for someone.

Or we did. Now we just have a chat Grin

BusyLizzie61 · 30/05/2021 22:46

[quote youngandbroken]@Snoozer11 if it were just a few seconds of mild discomfort I would wear one - when it causes full blown panic attacks to the point that I physically feel like I am dying and flashbacks to horrific events that then lead to me potentially putting myself or others at risk because I'm back in that fight or flight situation and I can't get myself out state it is that hard. As I said on my good days I do wear a mask, on days like today I can't. I normally do have a lanyard for when I have to go out on days like today but again I was only taking the bins downstairs and so I wasn't wearing it today.[/quote]
Regardless of your justification and whether you would have waited if someone was in the foyer etc, you've put neighbours at risk.
I actually think more people should be challenged about this.
I have conditions that I know some use as an excuse to not wear. It's a pretty shit excuse imo.

Original poster
youngandbroken · 30/05/2021 22:58

@BusyLizzie61i don't know how long my bad days will last for, what do you suggest I do on these days instead when my options are to either a) put a mask on triggering a huge panic attack, which will in turn prolong the episode, and probably leave me a sobbing mess and unable to actually do what I needed to do in the first place, b) leave the bins full of dirty nappies filling up my tiny kitchen all day or c) do my best to avoid others and do what I need to do. I have two small children to look after and so I suppose I do have to be a little selfish and out my own health - including my mental health - first sometimes. However, seeing as how I DO wear a mask when I feel able - and those are the days that I go out, the days when I do not wear a mask are the days that I stay within the flat block and still make sure to follow every other guideline, I am not putting my neighbours at any more risk than anyone else in the block is.

OP posts:
VictoriaLudorum · 30/05/2021 22:59

When I am shopping, not in the UK, the shop broadcasts regular messages about people being required to wear masks and if, for whatever reason, they are not wearing masks they need to produce "official" proof that they are exempt otherwise they will be escorted from the shop.
I haven't ever seen anyone without a mask (and here they must be OP or FFP ones).
If I did ever see anyone without a mask, I would assume there was some good reason why they were not wearing one and would never say anything.

BusyLizzie61 · 30/05/2021 23:00

[quote youngandbroken]@BusyLizzie61i don't know how long my bad days will last for, what do you suggest I do on these days instead when my options are to either a) put a mask on triggering a huge panic attack, which will in turn prolong the episode, and probably leave me a sobbing mess and unable to actually do what I needed to do in the first place, b) leave the bins full of dirty nappies filling up my tiny kitchen all day or c) do my best to avoid others and do what I need to do. I have two small children to look after and so I suppose I do have to be a little selfish and out my own health - including my mental health - first sometimes. However, seeing as how I DO wear a mask when I feel able - and those are the days that I go out, the days when I do not wear a mask are the days that I stay within the flat block and still make sure to follow every other guideline, I am not putting my neighbours at any more risk than anyone else in the block is.[/quote]
B!

Never C.

Original poster
youngandbroken · 30/05/2021 23:02

I do agree that there should be doctors/official documentation if you are exempt though but I don't think that will happen in the UK because it would likely add pressure on GPs.

OP posts:
TheRebelle · 30/05/2021 23:02

@RoseRedRoseBlue

I’m with Temp. This whole thing has given nosy, patronising idiots licence to air their opinion on other people’s business. At Marks yesterday I had the misfortune of waking past some random woman berating anyone that didn’t use the store provided hand sanitizer on the way in. She had no way of knowing if people had already used their own, had skin issues or allergies or so forth. The more people ignored her, the louder she became.
I won’t use the sanitiser in M&S, it’s ridiculously heavily scented and gives me a migraine.