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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to invite friends children over? AIBU?

25 replies

rollonsummeryay · 30/05/2021 10:28

I'm friends with someone who is lovely but a bit lazy.
I've never been invited to hers neither has DC in all the years I've known her. I'm not overaly fussed by this however my DH is beginning to get annoyed with it.
Whenever she comes over with her DC she literately does nothing but sit on the sofa while I run around after my DC and hers.
I've told them my rules no going upstairs unless straight to the toilet and back, no chasing my animals and no screaming.
Last time she came her DC where running up and down the stairs, running into my bedroom going through my things (and I still can't find certain things as they got everything out!) and scarying my animals who were hiding upstairs and one of her DC fell down the stairs as she wasn't supervising them (luckily my DH saw and grabbed them before they broke a limb! I was busy supervising her other DC and mine)
My DH said when she left if she can't supervise them she won't be welcome to bring them round anymore as it's the same story every time and he's finding it very stressful and is getting annoyed seeing me run around like a mad woman (when I'm also disabled) while she does nothing. Whose being unreasonable?

OP posts:

ChaToilLeam · 30/05/2021 10:32

She’s unreasonable and lazy and rude. It’s appalling to let your kids run riot in someone else’s home. Meet-ups only at the park from now on! And yes, tell her why.

frazzledasarock · 30/05/2021 10:33

I’d have told them to leave as soon as they started terrorising my animals.

I’d never invite them around again. She’s a lazy cheeky fucker. She needs to supervise her feral children.

InTheDrunkTank · 30/05/2021 10:37

I wouldn't be inviting her round as it doesn't sound like much fun for anyone but your friend who gets a nice break (no idea how she can relax while her kids are trashing someone's bedroom though). If she's good company in general I'd arrange meet ups in neutral locations. TO be fair the lack of invite back wouldn't bother me (some people are embarassed about their homes etc) but the lazy parenting at yours would.

TotorosCatBus · 30/05/2021 10:39

You should have asked her to leave once the kids started terrorising the animals. Your friend is massively unreasonable and future meetings should be out of the house

OlympicProcrastinator · 30/05/2021 10:45

‘Friend’ you say?

YANBU

3scape · 30/05/2021 10:47

She's being ridiculous. Meet her at the park, let her buy the ice creams.

Thebookswereherfriends · 30/05/2021 10:57

You are being quite unreasonable to think it’s ok to be treated that way. Your DH sounds much more sensible and you should listen to him. If you actually find this friendship adds something to your life then meet up in the park and only supervise your own children. If hers do anything risky then it’s up to her to sort it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2021 11:00

If she’s always like this why did you have her over a second time?

No one trashes my house. Back when we had a pet if anyone had upset her she’d have been out in an instant and never welcome back.

She’s not your friend. Don’t have her over again. Why would you?

BarbarianMum · 30/05/2021 11:00

Doesnt sound like either of you were doing much supervising if the kids were running up and down the stairs and ransacking your bedroom tbh.

Wouldnt it just be easier to meet at the park?

Pinkypink · 30/05/2021 11:01

Why would you even consider inviting her again... or stay friends with someone like that

CounsellorTroi · 30/05/2021 11:02

She is taking the piss. She doesn’t get to have a break from parenting just because she is in your house.

Neolara · 30/05/2021 11:04

Your DH is right.

LagunaBubbles · 30/05/2021 11:04

Why on earth didn't you say something when this all happened?

RonSwansonsChair · 30/05/2021 11:04

How long has this been going on? I would not have invited her back after the first time.

sherrystrull · 30/05/2021 11:14

How old are the children?

We used to have young children (preschoolers) round the play with ds1 all the time. The mess was always horrific even with us supervising. With ds2 we always either meet at a park or on a walk or we come for a quick play/snack at ours then head out. It's much less stressful and means everyone supervises their own children and you're all on neutral ground.

It's easier when they get older as they are much more self sufficient. I can provide ds1 and his friends with snacks and comfy cushions and leave them to play/game/chat for hours. It's taken many years to get to this point though.

Notaroadrunner · 30/05/2021 11:20

Your Dh is right. There's no way I'd invite these people over again. Arrange to meet them in a playground/park and when her kids run riot you sit back and let her parent them while you parent your own.

ApolloandDaphne · 30/05/2021 11:27

I agree with your DH. She would not be welcome in my home.

Original poster

rollonsummeryay · 30/05/2021 11:34

Reason why I keep inviting her is because she's the only parent friend I know around the area and it's good for my DC to socialise. I've tried inviting her out to soft play etc but she never has the money and we can't meet at local park due to it being full of horrible sweary kids who are vile and the park is disgusting. She can't drive either so the nicer parks are out of the question.
Your right I'll have to say something to her and say if she can't supervise her own kids then she'll have to forget play dates for a while. I was supervising her other Dc and mine when hers fell as much unfortunately I don't have eyes in the back of my head and can't be every where.

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 30/05/2021 11:41

Do you have a garden? Maybe you could confine her visits to garden only?

MrsAudreyAlfredRobertsOBEHmm · 30/05/2021 11:46

I'm with your husband and if she asks tell her why
Hate people like her, ignoring their responsibilities
You are her babysitter not her friend

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2021 12:11

It’s not good for your children to think socialising includes trashing stuff, ignoring reasonable instructions, running riot and terrifying animals.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/05/2021 12:15

@rollonsummeryay

Reason why I keep inviting her is because she's the only parent friend I know around the area and it's good for my DC to socialise. I've tried inviting her out to soft play etc but she never has the money and we can't meet at local park due to it being full of horrible sweary kids who are vile and the park is disgusting. She can't drive either so the nicer parks are out of the question. Your right I'll have to say something to her and say if she can't supervise her own kids then she'll have to forget play dates for a while.

I was supervising her other Dc and mine when hers fell as much unfortunately I don't have eyes in the back of my head and can't be every where.

"it's good for my DC to socialise"

Really? It's good for them to socialise with children who misbehave and are never disciplined by their mother, no matter what they do? It's good for them to observe this behaviour, and either feel emboldened to copy it or resentful that they are disciplined for doing exactly the same thing? It's good for them?

"she's the only parent friend I know"
She's not your friend, a friend wouldn't treat you like that. And frankly, she's a parent in name only. She doesn't sound to do any actual parenting.

MrsGulDukat · 30/05/2021 12:31

I bet anything your DC's dread when they come over and Im with your DH.

I'd be seething if I saw my spouse being taken advantage of.

I'm surprised he held out this long.

Ozanj · 30/05/2021 12:33

Why were you all indoors at yours? Best to make meet ups with young children in open public spaces & focus on your own kids so she can’t let them run riot

ChristmasFluff · 30/05/2021 14:05

"When you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them"

Her children are not the only children yours can socialise with. Drive to a different park without her. Go to the local park and brave the 'sweary' kids - who do you think your children will be mates with in future after all?

You don't have to socialise with her at all - and be honest, you don't like her, do you?

Bin her off.

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