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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cup of tea

45 replies

theyoungishman · 30/05/2021 07:32

Just came back from a lovely winter walk with my partner and settled down to watch some Netflix with lunch. After we finished lunch I said I'm just going to get some water would you like some? He responded with 'no but I would like a cup of tea pls'
AIBU that I didn't make a cup of tea for him? I would usually do this if he asked, and he would for me also, but I was freezing cold and
literally just wanted to grab a quick glass of water and get back to watching our TV show..

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 30/05/2021 08:32

So next time, ask if he wants a tea.
When he says yes, then tell him to make you one while he's at it.
Works best if you are both sitting down.

Tiredmum100 · 30/05/2021 08:41

I would have made dh a cup of tea. He makes me one and brings it to me in bed every morning so I couldn't really say no. To be honest I think it's the little things that keep a relationship going and shows you care. I do get your where you are coming from but I still would have made the tea.

Lavender201 · 30/05/2021 08:50

Tea deffo doesn’t take 7 minutes to make! Surely it just takes the length of time it takes to boil the kettle?

Put the kettle on, then while it’s boiling put a tea bag/leaves in a tea pot, and some milk in a cup. Fill the tea pot and take the pot/cup into the living room for him to pour himself when it’s brewed. Or just do the “tea bag in mug” method. Takes two minutes.

I’m on the fence though, I think he was being a bit cheeky, but equally I would make a tea for my husband if he asked, and he would for me. But that’s because neither of us would ask routinely. If your husband is often asking you to serve him like this without reciprocating, that would annoy me.

Lavender201 · 30/05/2021 08:51

@theyoungishman

Seashells- he does this also A LOT! It's like you get up (for any reason.. need the toilet, grab a tissue..) and all of a sudden you are on tea making duty! Update that after the show was finished I offered to make a tea but he said no just to be a dick
Based on this update YANBU! Just say “no, when’s the last time you made me a cup of tea? It’s your turn. You can make the tea while I’m in the toilet”. See what he says.
Rewis · 30/05/2021 08:56

I actually stopped drinking tea when my boyfriend is at home (except if I see him making coffee for himself). I couldn't be bothered with making two cups. He get upset and thinks I'm rude if I dont make one for him aswell. I understand that it's no big deal to make one for another person but it just grinds me the wrong way and I don't like it so my solution is to just give it up.

As for this situation, I would have said that if put the kettle on so he can make it himself. Unless there were was something else happening that I would have made the whole thing less annoying.

LadyGAgain · 30/05/2021 08:57

YABVU. It's a very small ask and takes seconds (you don't need to stand there while kettle is boiling). How mean of you.

LadyGAgain · 30/05/2021 08:58

@Lavender201

Tea deffo doesn’t take 7 minutes to make! Surely it just takes the length of time it takes to boil the kettle?

Put the kettle on, then while it’s boiling put a tea bag/leaves in a tea pot, and some milk in a cup. Fill the tea pot and take the pot/cup into the living room for him to pour himself when it’s brewed. Or just do the “tea bag in mug” method. Takes two minutes.

I’m on the fence though, I think he was being a bit cheeky, but equally I would make a tea for my husband if he asked, and he would for me. But that’s because neither of us would ask routinely. If your husband is often asking you to serve him like this without reciprocating, that would annoy me.

Don't ever put the milk in before the tea Grin
IEat · 30/05/2021 09:00

Definitely U , you weren’t asked to paint a wall just asked to make a cuppa

Lavender201 · 30/05/2021 09:53

@LadyGAgain Don't ever put the milk in before the tea grin

Fair point Grin I’m a teabag-in-cup heathen myself. If OPs husband is that fussy though he can definitely make the tea himself!

Aprilwasverywet · 30/05/2021 10:08

You should have poured 2 glasses of water.. Then handed him his.
He could have poured his into the kettle and made his own cuppa!

ButtercupSquash · 30/05/2021 10:36

“@LadyGAgain Don't ever put the milk in before the tea grin.”
Not if brewing in the mug. Otherwise, do.
It’s weird to return from a winter walk and not put the kettle on immediately - you are both very strange, OP and partner.
It’s not as if you were watching a scheduled 2-hour BBC programme with no recording facilities and no adverts.
Maybe he just isn’t the one.

Aprilx · 30/05/2021 10:40

I can’t imagine being too cold to make a cup of team. And yes it was pretty unreasonable not to make tea as you were going to the kitchen anyway. I wouldn’t think twice of asking DH to make me a cup of tea in a similar scenario.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/05/2021 10:47

I’ve always said it’s not fiery passion and grand gestures that keep love alive but basic fucking kindness and consideration. Of course you should have made him a cup of tea. It’s a tiny gesture that wouldn’t put you out and would have made him happy. I couldn’t stay with someone so utterly petty.

newnortherner111 · 30/05/2021 10:48

@theyoungishman second response was not good, but I do think the first request was reasonable.

By the way, is there a sandpaper shortage still in Australia? Asking for a cricketing friend.

hilarymantlepiece · 30/05/2021 10:50

You resent making a cup of tea for your loved one?
Do hope he never needs a kidney Grin

Original poster
theyoungishman · 30/05/2021 10:55

I’ve always said it’s not fiery passion and grand gestures that keep love alive but basic fucking kindness and consideration. Of course you should have made him a cup of tea. It’s a tiny gesture that wouldn’t put you out and would have made him happy. I couldn’t stay with someone so utterly petty.

Calm down love, maybe you need a cuppa!?

OP posts:
Killahangilion · 30/05/2021 11:09

@theyoungishman

Hazey... I'm in Australia hence why it's lunchtime! And also why it's cold.. to be fair I would have also preferred a cup of tea but couldn't be asked faffing about making one
‘Couldn’t be ARSED’ is the phrase you were looking for.

It’s a common misheard phrase, same as;

As a pose to. Should be 'as opposed to' ...
You've got another thing coming. Should be 'you've got another think coming' ...
For all intensive purposes. Should be 'for all intents and purposes' ...

I drink water mostly but will happily put water in the kettle for DH or DS, switch it on and then leave them to make themselves a cuppa.

Original poster
theyoungishman · 30/05/2021 11:24

Killah- I know the phrase, but thank you for pointing out my autocorrect error.. I am actually British just living in Aus

OP posts:
LindaEllen · 30/05/2021 11:31

DP always does this and I always make him one but (jokingly) make a big deal over and it make it clear I didn't want to make it. He in turn jokingly makes a huge deal of drinking it and saying 'it's beautiful darling, just like you'.

Banter makes a relationship.

There's something wrong if you're getting so resentful over this. Either you make it, or you say sod off cheeky bastard and make it yourself. I've done that too! He makes it (and even offers me one!) and all is well with the world.

Original poster
theyoungishman · 30/05/2021 11:38

Linda- perhaps should have added 'light-hearted' to the thread.. I can assure you I am not 'resentful'- somehow I don't think that ' the great tea incident of 2021' is going to cause me to break up with my partner of 20 years! 😂😂

OP posts:
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