DS (10) has no friends outside of school and is addicted to screens. Don’t know what to do!

[CherryPippa]

DS has always been a popular boy in school but he has never really been invited for play dates, Not sure if that is my fault as I’ve never really talked to the other school mums due to bad experiences at the school gate with my older DC. I did chat to a few of them when he first started school but DS was bullied and injured by one of their DS’s and because I complained to the school, they stopped speaking to me and froze me out so I kept myself to myself from then on.

He always been invited to parties and other DCs were always happy to see him. His teachers have always said he gets along with everyone and is well liked.

Now obviously DC are old enough to meet up at weekends etc and DS is inside on screens all the time. I have to drag him out of the house on bike rides or for a walk and I feel he is too old to be doing that with me and should be out with friends of his age. We live in quite a safe area and often bump into DC from school hanging out together while he’s with his Mum.

I keep telling him to arrange to meet up out of school just at the park or swimming etc but he says no one wants to meet up or that he doesn’t want to. He’s on the class WhatsApp group but due to some previous name calling, he doesn’t go on it anymore.

I’m so bloody worried about him although he seems happy enough! He mostly hangs out with girls at school which had led to some boys saying he’s ‘gay’. He’s starting secondary school in September so I’m concerned there may be more serious bullying there. He’s an extremely intelligent kid and very mature for his age due to having much older siblings.

I’ve just been out and seen loads of groups of DC hanging out together while DS is stuck inside glued to the computer.

AIBU to be really concerned or should I just let him be?

It sounds to me like he may be outgrowing his group of friends at primary. Rather than dreading it I'd be hoping that he will find his own crowd with the new people he will meet.

Lockdown has made most children more screen dependant. TBH he found more balanced than many children, coding & actually creating something I don't limit in my children (12 & 14) just the more mindless stuff. I think it's brilliant that he is independently investigating :)

It is common at his age. I understand it is worrying too.

I wouldn't worry too much about hanging round with girls and being called gay in secondary. My DC's Secondary - and I hope it's not unusual, it's a big greater-London comp - has way more mixing of boys and girls in friendship groups than in primary, and also 'gay' is not an insult (firstly the school would crack down on homophobic bullying incredibly toughly, and secondly being gay in not seen as a negative thing by most of the students). On the socialising now, I do think that boys are much less good at that (as a big generalisation) than girls. My DD in Yr6 is often out with a friend, whereas my DS only started that more in Yr8. I would sign him up to an activity he might enjoy, to get him out of the house and meet new people. Youth theatre/drama is often a great place for boys who enjoy friendships with girls or mixed friendship groups.