To feel like such a bad mum!

[Phiati]

My partner is working away and he won't be back until next Friday.

I got up at 5am because of DS2 (8, he's autistic and gets up so early). As soon as DS1 (16) got up he started arguing with me and DS2.

DS2 then went on DS1s phone, DS1 then throws DS2s iPad and now it won't turn on so DS2 has a meltdown.

I feel like such a bad mum as DS1 always behaves when my partner is here

Throw DS1s phone down the loo

That is an awfull suggestion!!
Op it is hard 🌺

You're not a bad mum. DS1 is old enough to know that he needs to keep his stuff out of his brother's reach. Autistic or not, DS2 is plenty old enough to start learning that he must not touch his brother's things.

Its not you, its them. Will you get a bit of time to yourself once DH gets home?

How is DS1 going to pay for the broken electronics? Calm and rational. Will it be Christmas money? Pocket money? Will he have to find some paid jobs?

The behaviour from your 16 year old is completely unacceptable. What are you doing about it?

I’d take the 16 year old’s phone and then go out for the day with the 8 year old.

Urgh Iv 3 like this. I'm like a bouncer

DS1 has given him his iPad. When my partners here they're good most of the time but when he's working away they constantly argue etc

You're seeing that as being about you as a parent. 99% sure it's probably that they miss their dad and behave when he's there because it's rarer.

Is the partner their dad? I assumed he wasn’t from the way it’s written?

This is on him. Why is he so angry?

Ds1 needs a hard shock of reality. I'd be making him pay for a new iPad for his brother. And I would be taking away his phone. What kind of brother doesn't let their little brother go on their phone. That's really selfish and I wouldn't be standing for it for a second.

Oh and you're not a bad mum!

Why do you feel like a bad mum, what is it that you think you should be doing or not doing?

16 and he threw his 8YO autistic brother's ipad? I'm sorry, but what a horrible person he is. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself but definitely speak to DH and DS1 and nip this shitty behaviour in the bud now.

What kind of brother doesn't let their little brother go on their phone
One who feels as though nothing is his own, perhaps? One who feels his little brother is allowed to get away with anything and everything, maybe? Perhaps even one who finds having an autistic brother really hard but every time he tries to discuss his feelings, he is dismissed with phrases like 'but he's your little brother, don't you love him?'

What was the argument about?
Why was DS2 on DS1's phone?

One who feels as though nothing is his own, perhaps? One who feels his little brother is allowed to get away with anything and everything, maybe? Perhaps even one who finds having an autistic brother really hard but every time he tries to discuss his feelings, he is dismissed with phrases like 'but he's your little brother, don't you love him?'
Sounds right, he exploded for a reason investigate why.

Maybe DS1 is at the end of his tether?
Maybe you need to talk with him and ask him about his behaviour.