Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be annoyed by this

52 replies

ohthestruggles · 29/05/2021 14:07

I am very close to giving birth (bloody hope so anyway) so I'm prepared to be told I'm BU and I'll put it down to the hormones, lack of sleep and spending half of my time either needing to pee or praying for the start of labour.

But my family have annoyed me so much. One thing I said I really didn't want was constant 'any sign yet?' 'Anything today?' messages. My mum phones me every day, she isn't completely over bearing and I know she's excited but some days I actually just don't want to speak. I wouldn't forget to tell her the baby was here and to be honest I'm not actually planning on telling her if I am in labour. She said she'll check in every day regardless and if she doesn't hear from me she will assume I'm probably in labour

She's now posted on Facebook to all of her friends 'fingers crossed for a baby this week' which was obviously followed by lots of 'oh hope so!' 'Not long now!' Comments. Can't be arsed with it. I'm so annoyed and hormonal. I want to meet my baby more than anyone but it'll come when it's good and ready!! AIBU to be in a massive mood with her?

OP posts:

MilduraS · 29/05/2021 18:00

My mum is like this. We know that if we don't want her to tell everyone about the pregnancy early, we have to keep quiet until 12 weeks (personally I didn't care when I was pregnant but my sister did wait with her second). We had Facebook tags in all sorts of gushy quote posts about grandchildren being a gift. She regularly updated everyone with news and posted things like "fingers crossed we'll have some baby news in 3 weeks!". The only thing she didn't post was when we were in labour and she did ask before sharing birth announcements. My sister had the first grandchild and it drove her mad. She was fed up of not being able to share things in her own time. The only reason it didn't bother me is because I expected it and got to see it for the excitement it was during my sisters pregnancy. Every time I started to get annoyed I had to remember how cute I thought it was when it was happening to my sister.

ShadierThanaPalmTree · 29/05/2021 18:28

I completely relate to this. When I was approaching my due date, my mum kept harassing me about it too. I decided to be honest and explicitly told her that I will not tell you when I'm in labour. She was hurt, but I said it's not to do with you. This is my baby, my birth. I don't want people messaging and calling me, I want all of my energy to be on my child and my dp. I don't want to feel any pressure at all and I'm sorry if that hurts you. I didn't want to have to think about who to update, and messaging everyone. I wanted to take as much time as I needed to just BE with my baby after all this time ❤

Anniegetyourgun · 29/05/2021 19:00

Think of the horrendous birth stories this way: they're still here to tell you about it, didn't they? So it can't have been that awful.

Here's one of mine (not intended to be horrendous so I apologise if it sounds that way!): DS1 was obviously so comfortable in my womb he was in no rush to leave. He was induced at 15 days overdue. I can't say the actual birth bit was fun, but it was fairly straightforward, and at the end of it they passed me this amazingly gorgeous creature with a tiny lemon-shaped face and a fluff of ginger hair and told me it was mine. He looked around the room vaguely, fixed on my face and gave me The Look - the one that tells you who is boss, and I have been his slave ever since. The midwife asked me (as I suspect she asked all new mothers) whether I would have another, and I answered enthusiastically "Oh yes!" She looked rather shocked, and perhaps disappointed that she couldn't trot out her favourite "You'll be back!". I meant it though, so much that I had another 3 over the next decade. Every one was late #sigh#. Story of my life, to be fair (just ask my manager).

Little fluffy squashed creature is now a man in his 30s and the father of my three DGC. Now that's what I call a happy ending.

Anniegetyourgun · 29/05/2021 19:00

Aren't they, not didn't they, bah. Oh for an edit function.

SamanthaChumbaMumba · 29/05/2021 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bloodyhell19 · 29/05/2021 19:15

I empathize OP but from the opposite-ish end - I'm coming up on my due date too and having wicked Braxton Hicks. Every time I happen to pause around my DM and say "gimme a minute, it's BH" she goes into "are you sure??? Is it happening now??? It might be labour!!" All well meaning but I do side eye and think well I think I would know if it was labour...

Almost there! But yes I'd be annoyed if that was posted on SM... My DM is very private though so wouldn't dream of even telling my due date to anyone. Maybe have a word with her re: social media and not adding pressure to you? That you don't want everyone & their dog knowing the comings and goings of your uterus. Start as you mean to go on & all that.

Yokey · 29/05/2021 19:26

Your mum wants to share in your new baby joy. As a PP said, it's your experience not hers, so you've every right to tell her where to go. But she's every right to feel excited and invested in a family member she will presumably adore. If she's bothering you with her excitement and interest, perhaps ignore her calls.

Frankly, it's a good problem to have. Loving families eh

idontunderstandwhypeopledothis · 29/05/2021 19:32

I am so with you on this, I was induced because I had a chubby chunk! My DM knew my induction date and kept contacting me all day, my parents have split up and my DF avoids my DM at all costs but bless his heart when he rang my mum for me to tell her to piss off 😂

If it helps put your mind at ease, I didn't have a birth plan because I just knew whatever I picked wouldn't have happened and true to form I ended up having forceps because the chubby chunk turned and got stuck. If I'm honest I was in labour 18hours, it felt like 5 minutes didn't feel a thing because of all the spinal block so I feel extremely lucky! (I did cheat and have an epidural 😂)
Just take care of yourself as much afterwards! Good luck chick!

TheMotherlode · 29/05/2021 19:39

YANBU OP, it’s so tedious.

I started sending people this link in response to any annoying messages - haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com/index.htm

NeedCoffeeToSurvive · 29/05/2021 19:54

I've kept my due date a secret this pregnancy purposefully to avoid this, it drove me insane when I was pregnant with my son. Everyone knows I'm 30 something weeks and due in either June or July, it's stopped people pestering me.

LongHairDontCare38 · 29/05/2021 20:12

Book a hairdresser appointment or something. Baby will make an appearance so you cant go

Original poster

ohthestruggles · 29/05/2021 22:00

I know, it's a very minor problem having an excited family but they're just annoying me now. They're excited but not the most supportive either if that makes sense, I practise hypnobirthing because I am scared of child birth, I've never done it before and I wanted to atleast try something other than 'winging it', my mum and sister think it's pretentious. When they saw my book sitting on the side they said 'well that'll be the first thing to get thrown'. They think the only way to give birth is that it has to be awful. I'm not denying I may need assistance, I might be screaming for an epidural but I'm just trying to be calm and I feel like they dismiss it and think it's stupid. I'll probably be accused of having a drip feed now aswell.

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 29/05/2021 22:24

I think I’d tell my mum to knock it off with the sm updates or simply block her so you don’t have to see all her craziness. Don’t pick up the phone, send her that fabulous link posted above every single time!

TheMotherlode · 29/05/2021 22:26

My family were like that about the hypnobirthing too, I think a lot of people just don’t get what it’s about. Just ignore them and do what’s right for you.

I ended up having the hormone drip induction, an epidural and a forceps delivery in theatre. DM thinks this means the hypnobirthing didn’t work and that I was silly to even consider it. The reality is that the hypnobirthing is what meant that I felt totally calm and relaxed through all of that.

All the best for your birth OP. Turn your phone off for a bit if people are doing your head in.

MilduraS · 29/05/2021 23:30

I didn't use hypnobirthing (had no idea it was a thing at the time) but I know lots of people who have. If I were to give birth again I would 100% use it based on the experiences I've heard about. The ones who used hypnobirthing for a 2nd birth or later spoke about how much calmer they felt, even if things weren't quite how they planned.

Homehaircuts · 29/05/2021 23:36

I know they are excited but it's so annoying I remember with my first baby and it got even worse when he was two weeks late. I really hated "is the bump still attached?!" All the time!

BackforGood · 29/05/2021 23:42

In anticipation of how annoying this would be, I was very vague about the due date and gave the impression it was rather later than it really was....

This ^ is the only sensible thing to do when you let people know you are expecting.

Jakadaal · 29/05/2021 23:42

She is excited if she wasn't you would be on here with a thread saying that aibu that my dm doesn't care about my pregnancy!

Justilou1 · 29/05/2021 23:50

Well you’ve learned for the next one should you ever do this again... Give them a due date three weeks later.

MrsDoctorDear · 29/05/2021 23:51

YANBU. I was so lucky going 3 weeks early, we never told a soul. I casually rang DM a few hours after DD was born, for our daily chat. I put the phone next to DD as she was bleating and said 'surprise!'. DM was delighted, I let her ring up the rest of the family. This was many moons ago before social media and mobile phones.

Justilou1 · 31/05/2021 08:44

Btw, just letting you know that when I was pg with no1 I had the hospital primed and ready for my mum. She was INSANE! I told her my due date was three weeks later than the real one, security knew that she was batshit (she had followed me to a few scans and tried forcing her way in there more than once...) and we all half expected her to show up with a baseball catcher’s mitt. She must have had her antennae twitching because despite being booked for an elective c-section on the Wednesday, I ended up in active Labour on Sunday afternoon. She rang me while I was in my way into hospital trying to organize my life and kept telling me that I “sounded stressed”. (Really?) I rang her later that evening to explain why and she swore at me! 🤪

sapnupuas · 31/05/2021 08:46

I've just seen someone post on Facebook that their daughter is in labour right now.

Was this your mum?

Original poster

ohthestruggles · 31/05/2021 09:26

@Justilou1 my god that is extreme!

@sapnupuas no, thankfully not my mother. Unfortunately not in labour

OP posts:

Justilou1 · 31/05/2021 09:37

Well, it was... but sh is no longer with us and I can laugh about it now. (Also DD1 is nearly 17 and ready to get her driver’s license!)

anguauberwaldironfoundersson · 31/05/2021 09:59

I feel your pain. I was being induced with my DD and it was a long and boring process, made a million times worse by losing my place at the top of the queue to go to the delivery suite.

Basically, other women who had come in after me were a lot further ahead in their labours. I'd be told by the midwives to pack my things as I'd be going over to the delivery suite for my waters to be broken only for them to come back an hour later and take another lady who had actually dilated more than the 0.25cm I had by that point. Fair enough, but after 4 days, practically zero sleep and just being in constant discomfort from all the pessaries, poking and prodding I'd had enough.

All that I could have dealt with but it was the constant texts from my mum and dad asking for updates that broke me. I had to send them a message telling them to piss off by day 3. They literally expected me to be given the first pessary at 9am and to have given birth by 10am.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread