To think my new manager doesn't like me?

[09i5ji5]

I have a new manager, he is someone who I had briefly worked with before and then he changed departments and now he is back but has been promoted to our manager. He is around 5 years older than me, I'm mid 20s and I would say he's late 20s maybe early 30s.

I have noticed a few times my manager will be addressing people and will seem to deliberately ignore me. One example is both me and a colleague (I'll name her Alice) had difficulty with some paperwork and our manager helped us with it. The next time he saw us, me and Alice were sitting together and he came over and started making small talk. Then he said "Alice, did you manage to sort out X paperwork in the end?" even though I was right there and had the same difficulty.

Another time I was training a new member of staff (I'll call her Bella) and he came over to talk to us. He then told Bella she needed to sort out some forms and said "ask one of those over there, they will be happy to help you with it" and gestured to a group of our other colleagues even though I was sitting right there and was the one training her.

I'm more on the quiet side but I'm still comfortable around my colleagues and senior members of staff, but I think I'm picking up on the feeling that my manager doesn't like me and it's making me really quiet and awkward around him. I now get nervous to go and speak to him about things which is unlike me.

AIBU to think he doesn't like me or am I reading into things too much?

Sounds like he fancies Alice if you ask me!

Do you have 1-2-1 catch ups with your manager? How is he then?

@MrsFin Alice was only there in the first encounter, not the second. I don't think he fancies her but they do get along well.

@Creamdo We haven't had any 1-to-1s yet but when I do talk to him he is professional and polite, it's more when we are with other people he seems to not refer to me a lot.

I wonder if he fancies you??

Did you go for the job he has now? If you didn't perhaps he thinks you did?

I had a manager a while back who showed very quickly how annoyed she was that I knew more than her. I had been in the department for several years and naturally knew more than her - classic example is someone came into the office to ask something and she said she didn't know but would check with senior manager and get back to this person. I piped up the answer (because I knew - and to save the person having to wait for senior manager to give the answer) and rather than thanking me and making a bit of a joke about how it saved her asking senior manager; she glared at me all day and made snippy comments. She didn't last long.

I think you're overthinking it. It's more likely you just weren't top of mind for the issues he was thinking about, especially if you are generally a quiet person. It's a professional relationship not a social one.

Don't get all wrapped up in the idea that he hates you, hold your fire and see how direct interactions and 1:1s are.

I thought he might fancy you aswell! Sounds like he thought you had managed to sort the paperwork problem easily and if it was a mundane or one off form or something, that he was letting one of the others do it to save you from doing it?

Try not to worry yet OP, until there’s some hard evidence rather than just a feeling based on odd reactions. Admittedly I would think it odd. Perhaps next time, should a similar situation arise, you could breezily say to Bella “Don’t worry, I can help you on this”. Look to his reaction, it should be one of appreciation. Don’t go OTT and suck up to him though, you’ll drive yourself mad and his feelings towards you are not your problem if you’re doing your job right.

Maybe he doesn’t know your name?!

No, I didn't go for the job he now has. He is more experienced than me so I wouldn't have been eligible for applying for that role anyway. He definitely knows my name and knows me fairly well.

I probably am over-thinking it. He definitely doesn't fancy me, he's a very happy newly wed.

He can be kind of quiet so I wonder if because we are both quiet it makes things more awkward as there are two quiet people whereas with others who are louder he is less quiet.