Grievance at work - stress

[sadgirl45]

Hi

Long story but someone I used to manage had put in a formal grievance about me. Minor grounds and I have evidence and witnesses. But caused me a lot of stress and just killed my health. Now on blood pressure tablets, anti anxiety x3 a day and sertaline

Been going on for weeks. Just killed my enjoyment of work and I've got insomnia and often can't eat. Work had been hard enough wfh with school age kids etc and I do a good job and test fo team like me etc.

Just feel like packing it in. I know this woman would win but I just can't face it any more, any advice.

What does your own manager say? Have you told HR/Occupational health/union?

Yes have involved union they thought reason for delay was HR may be trying to get woman to drop it. Union said I was supportive and had good evidence. She's said no to informal mediation. She loves drama.

But heard yesterday a hearing manager had been appointed. I feel so sad and depressed. I don't think I can face it.

Please don't pack it in, I have chaired a few of these grievances internally, and they will allow you to lay out all your evidence to an independent chair, the chair then talks to the person who has made the accusation. If you are confident that you are in the right and you have decent evidence to back it up then please go ahead - it should be a conciliatory not combatative process and it will help you.

The last one I chaired was brought by a pregnant woman who brought a claim of discrimination. On the surface the manager had said some things that I thought were a bit worrying, but when I sat down, listened to both of them and did a detailed timeline of what happened when, it became apparent that the reporting of issues by the complainant was not in good faith. For example in her chronological reporting of the issues that arose, she misreported certain events that made a big material difference to their interpretation.

Be prepared that even if they find in your favour there may be some findings to address. For example, I had to point out that something the manager said, although totally well intentioned, could have been quite alarming to the complainant and recommended some training.

I hope you feel better soon, these things are really stressful - I find chairing such a huge responsibility. If I was in your shoes I would push for a clear timeline, then at least you know what will happen when.

Please don't pack it in, I have chaired a few of these grievances internally, and they will allow you to lay out all your evidence to an independent chair, the chair then talks to the person who has made the accusation. If you are confident that you are in the right and you have decent evidence to back it up then please go ahead - it should be a conciliatory not combatative process and it will help you.

Depends on the employer

If this is NHS you can't count on a sensible process or outcome

I went through similar I managed a middle aged male, who seemed to take great offence to being managed by a younger female. He went to great lengths to try and get me sacked, presenting claim after claim but with no evidence to support at all.

Luckily I note everything, always follow up with emails, and detail/escalate. Not one point was upheld, there were no recommended actions for me to take away and he left under mutual agreement as I counter filed a grievance after detailing his unprofessional behaviours and essentially fraud in the lies.

Please don’t give up, go through everything, document it and timeline it - that’s what I did and it helped my HR team in that I indexed it all to make it easy to refer too.

@Tilly18101 sounds similar - this lady is 10yr older, single, childless and renting and has made all sorts of statements about 'doing well for myself' and 'things worked our well for you' etc (I'm married with kids and a home owner and 10y younger).
Just awful to do this to someone else. Seems like in HR terms 'envy' isn't a defence you can use. So having to pretend it's not there.

I don't understand why you can even raise a grievance for being controlling when you're a persons line manager in the first place? Ridiculous

What stopped your man in the end ? Horrid experience isn't it.

It seems such a shame that you’re bearing the brunt of her behaving badly because of her jealousy. Does you organisation offer coaching? If they do it may be worth pursuing

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've no advice but would say that people like this always end up showing their true colours. I'm glad you are in a union though. Let them to their job, that's what you pay your subs for
Everything crossed for you

I know it’s a really unpleasant process, but given the information you’ve outlined above it looks like you’re catastrophising a bit.

If you’ve offered support to her in good faith, haven’t bullied or discriminated against her and you’re fully engaged with the process and she isn’t, it’s fairly unlikely the outcome will be disadvantageous to you.

Even if, and it’s a big if, her grievance was upheld, it’s likely you would be offered training or given a slap on the wrist. And she won’t be entitled to know what action was taken against you.

If she’s raised a grievance it HAS to be investigated- that’s not a slight on your and your capabilities.

I've been on both sides of this and it's horrible either way.

Just answer the questions honestly and launch a counter grievance if she has messed up.

I don't understand why you can even raise a grievance for being controlling when you're a persons line manager in the first place? Ridiculous
Really? Sorry OP but this statement rings alarm bells. Being a manager doesn't mean being controlling is acceptable. As for the accusation of envy, this sounds very childlike.

I had controlling managers who made my life hell in the past. I've never bothered to raise a grievance, just moved on, but I have no doubt they would have been clueless about the reasons for it. It was just their personality, and didn't have the self awareness to realise how unbearable it was to work for them.

I'm not saying this is the case for you, but the above statement does raise some bells. Ultimately, if you have nothing to reproach yourself and all the accusations are unfunded, you'll come out of it fine, and with the respect of your superiors for having dealt with the situation with resilience and candour.

Can you ask your GP to sign you off with stress for a bit?

You don’t get to be controlling just because you are a manager....sounds like there’s 2 sides to this story

Agree with others. You don’t get to be controlling because you’re someone’s line manager, and assuming someone must be jealous of you because they don’t like you is very immature.

I wonder what her story would be.

Yes I did raise an eyebrow at the comment that's she is single, older, childless and renting it's completely unprofessional in my opinion

“If this is NHS you can't count on a sensible process or outcome”

This is true in my experience.

I have not personally been affected but am aware of 3 members of staff (female) who raised a grievance against our line manager related to his attitude to and treatment of some female members of staff and bullying type behaviour. This was noted by several members of our team, including myself. For context manager was an Asian male and treated male members of staff differently.

Fast forward a couple of years and manager has been promoted twice and department is left with a poor atmosphere and a lot of ill feeling.

“ this lady is 10yr older, single, childless and renting”

@sadgirl45 I’m interested to know the relevance of this and why you think she may be envious of you?

Has she been in the role a longer time but not progressed and is bitter? Or are you making assumptions based on her age and situation?

Either way I sympathise as any complaint is very stressful. But perhaps do a lot of self reflection and see if there’s any way you could have done things differently. For example, the mood of our whole department could change based on our line manager’s mood or how he would say things. If the answer is no, I’m sure you’ll be fine.

Make sure you have union in with you my rep was amazing. Initially I was panicking as the rep was long term firned with manager but they were scrupulously fair. Also had a colleague and more senior work colleague sit in and take notes on my behalf.

To answers some questions yes union involved and coming with me.

Yes woman been in role for years and told people she wanted my job, before I joined.

Woman herself had commented on how nice big etc my house is compared to hers, how she'll never get on ladder in South East. Several comments about doing well for myself, about how she'd missed the time o have kids. Not imagining it

Also her first ever permanent role after decades contracting. Controlling refers to my manager refusing her to work weekends and late at night (she doesn't know it was my managers decision, not mine). Think just not used to perm world hence thought it would be dropped.

Interesting to know others experiences

Would you want to work somewhere where someone raising a concern or grievance is ignored and swept under the rug? It sounds like they are following process, and as you say you have the receipts to refute what she is saying, then don't worry.

Thanks@Peppapeg hard not to panic do have evidence

[quote sadgirl45]Thanks@Peppapeg hard not to panic do have evidence [/quote]
It might not seem it, but going through a formal process protects both parties.

So you think she’s raised a false grievance about your managerial skills because she’s commented on your “big house”? Really?

Hi,
I work for the NHS and was appointed to take over a department in difficulties. I ended up having a grievance made about my management of a person who had multiple complaints made about them. The process was stressful but ultimately the greviance wasn't upheld. I learnt from it as there were things I could have done better. The person was dismissed for something unrelated a couple of years later. I feel for you because it clouds your happiness with stress.

The comments she made may not be envy just observations.