To think that I've got to the final year of uni as a fluke?

[andfinallylifeisgood]

I'm a 29 year old single mum, I left school with not a single qualification to my name as I was barely at school. Was always told I was clever but never put in the effort or applied myself.

I started working full time at 16 and got my SVQ 2 and 3 in business administration whilst working.

In 2017, really unhappy with my job I decided to enquire about going back to education. As I had no qualifications I had to do an access course, I'm in Scotland so not sure if this course is available in England but I did a SWAP Access to Primary education. I then went on and did my HNC and HND in social sciences.

I have now just finished my 3rd year (entered uni in 3rd year) in politics and policy. I will do my 4th year after the summer as well as apply to do a masters after that.

The thing is, I just feel like the grounds about to fall out below me. I feel like I don't belong at uni, like I'm just pretending and like I really shouldn't be there. I'm not a top student or anything. I am sitting at a 2.1 so very average but still when I get a good grade back I just feel like it must be a mistake.

For instance I got a 78 % last week on an essay (highest I've got at uni so far) and I immediately thought there must be a mistake. But there wasn't. Instead of just enjoying it I think, he must not be a good marker if he's given me such a high grade etc.

I just feel like I'm waiting for someone to put me as incompetent. I don't also feel like I've learned much in education. Obviously I must have as get on fine in exams and essays, my marks are usually between 60 - 70 percent. However, I really just don't feel like I know anything.

Every year when the summer comes I think, well that was just good luck that you got through that year, you won't manage to get through next year and a masters? Ha who are you kidding. Things like that.

So AIBU to think that people can pass uni on luck alone? I also don't feel it's been challenging which makes me think I'm missing something as everyone else seems stressed out whereas it's been a really relaxing year. I don't know if just overthinking but I can't enjoy summer because I just think it's all going to fall apart come September.

YABU. It isn't a fluke. Sounds like classic imposter syndrome to me.

Stop the crazy talk!!! You're doing well because you've worked hard, and you're smart.

Enjoy it, and stop doubting yourself.

Nope nope nope this is not a fluke! Definitely imposter syndrome, were you brought up being told university wasn’t for you by any chance?

I left school with 3 GCSEs. I did amass a few more along the years but only Cs. I got accepted onto a foundation year in 2017 (which is like an access course) and last week I finished my degree. To my surprise my marks have ranged between 65 and 85.
I don't think its luck at all. As a mature student with young children I knew failing wasn't an option. I needed a profession. I was focused and ready to study. I recognised the importance of working hard. Is that how you feel? Well done on your marks.

YABVU!

Cut yourself some slack, you’re there on merit because you ARE good enough. Uni’s don’t give good marks for the hell of it

I really recognise these feelings. I have had a series of good jobs and am convinced that it’s only because I interview well and that I will be a huge disappointment when they get to know me and see my work.

I have read a lot about imposter syndrome and I would recommend researching it as there are a lot of tips available for dealing with it.

Yes, imposter syndrome.
It's not always to do with a later start or not being expected to go to uni. I did well at school, went to what is recognised as a very good uni, but have suffered terribly from imposter syndrome throughout my adult life. I didn't realise it until I started taking leadership roles and recognised it in others. I noticed that people's attitudes to their abilities were often really skewed, with some underperformers thinking they were just great, and some of the most able doubting their abilities all of the time.

My boss at the time was younger than me, with fewer qualifications and far less experience and constantly came to me for advice, but I still kept thinking they'd somehow accidentally employed me.

What really helped was counselling, and "having a word" with myself.

Look at how well you're doing despite your concerted attempts to undermine yourself!

Universities have external examiners who look at the marking across the degree programme to check it’s fair and appropriate. So if you’re getting good marks it’s because everyone agrees that your work is good.

And also, mature students quite often perform a bit better than students who came straight from school, for all sorts of reasons, but emotional maturity is certainly one of those reasons. You definitely deserve your good marks.

I gave a 78 once... honestly, marks like that only come from a combination of ability and hard work. You have, as everyone says, imposter syndrome. Talk to a tutor, I spend a lot of time trying to convince students they are good enough (usually female students, the male students suffer much less from this). Many students look confident on the outside but are troubled by doubt. Don’t compare your inner feelings with your perceptions of other people. You are seeing their facade which might hide a completely different person on the inside.

Thank you everyone for your kind comments. I'd never actually heard of imposter syndrome so been looking it up and wow, that's definitely what I have. I didn't know it was a thing! Makes me feel much better knowing that others go through it and it's not just me and hopefully can help me try and believe I am actually capable. Thank you.

2.1 is not average op that's someone working hard and doing good work.

I say this as a mother with 2 at uni at the moment. You have to buckle down hard to do that average. Well done. And yes read up on imposter syndrome..

Oh and by the way, those students who come out of every exam boasting about how easy it was? Either:

a) they thought it was easy because they missed the point;
b) they are trying to psych you out and destroy your confidence;
c) they are genuinely super clever.

There aren't many c's and most of them have the sense to stay quiet.

Another syndrome to avoid is perfectionism; it can be paralysing and again seems to happen more to female students (or they talk about it more).

OP I guarantee nobody gets 78 as a fluke! Believe in yourself

Yes to imposter syndrome (which, in my bitter experience mediocre people never get).

YABU. You should be seriously proud of yourself. Universities don't give out good grades a fluke. Sounds like you're doing fantastically. Congratulations

So AIBU to think that people can pass uni on luck alone?

Yes, YAB massively U! No one gets 78% as a fluke, and averaging out at a steady 2.1 is good!

Yes, to the suggestions of imposter syndrome, but don't let it sabotage you, you do deserve to be there!

I don't have all the traits of imposter syndrome, but can definitely fall into thinking if I achieved something that's because anyone could do it, it wasn't that big a deal, it almost wasn't worth doing.
Occasionally that might be true, but in the majority of cases it's an unconscious bias that others wouldn't agree with.

I'm at the end of my 4th year in a part time OU degree (although I'm aiming for a 2:1 and don't think that's average). I know exactly what you mean, I got a result back for an assessment yesterday and I was 100% expecting it to be 50 something percent, was terrified of opening it, I got a 75% which is my highest result this year. I expect every single assessment to get a crap mark.