Is it me or him?

[thepinkstuff]

What do I do about a (younger 30s) man constantly calling work mates and customers 'girls' and 'darling'. He also likes to tell us what to do and boss us around even though we are all equal in our job. I either ignore this or let it go and do what I need to do, but it's starting to get on all our nerves. I don't want to fall out with him as we work together but what can I say to shut him up??

I swear he is oblivious to what he says!
AIBU or should I ignore it?

"I'm neither a "girl" or your "darling" so refer to me by my name or not at all. Thanks."

Very simple - if someone called you a different first name or surname you'd correct them wouldn't you? He's not exactly thinking of how you feel when he refers to you as anything other than your first name so I wouldn't give a damn about how he feels about you correcting him.

Unless you're his manager though, I wouldn't be quick to reprimand him for how he addresses every woman he meets. I'd just say the above & add that he wouldn't address a male colleague by darling or boy so don't do it to me & let that sink in.

Who is he? Colleague? Manager? Subordinate?

My first would be ‘I’m not your ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’ or anything else. It’s ‘Merry’ or nothing. Ok?’

Either count the times he says, "Babe" and make a joke of it, or, (and I really like this one) every time he calls you "girl", call him, "boy" back? He will hate it.

He calls customers 'darling' all the time then comes to us and says ' Oh she was beautiful wasn't she'
I mean WTF?

And he's spikey towards the men

@Merryoldgoat

Who is he? Colleague? Manager? Subordinate?

My first would be ‘I’m not your ‘darling’, ‘sweetheart’ or anything else. It’s ‘Merry’ or nothing. Ok?’

He's an equal in every way but likes to tell us what to do

Could a group of you go and speak to a manager and leave it with them to have a little word with him?

It would annoy the hell out of me and if you just let is go and put up with it, it will create resentment towards him and probably end up blowing up at him and then you'll look the unreasonable one.

Alternatively, get a friend to go in and pose as a customer, then when he calls her darling, she can look outraged and tell him women HATE that, how dare he, and he should stop doing it. Then when he more then likely comes to you 'girls' to tell you how unreasonable the customer was you can all say, well actually we do all hate it, she was right mate.
That way its him bringing it up and no awkward discussion coming from you.

Why don’t you just tell him. Don’t call me that.

@Tlollj

Why don’t you just tell him. Don’t call me that.

I have done this already. We are in uniform so should already be professional in the first place but I know how these things work when you have a predominantly male workforce.

Just politely tell him. No need to be rude or make it a put down - he probably doesn't intend to cause offence.

Just say something like "I know you always call us 'darling' but please could you not? We find it [insert objection here - patronising/demeaning etc] because [insert reason here]."

No need for a drama, just be polite and friendly. If he still does it, be increasingly firm (habits take time to undo). If he persists over a longer period speak to your manager.