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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask for relationship advice

1 reply

tempnamechange98765 · 27/05/2021 21:51

I’ll try and keep this brief.

DH and I have been married for 7 years, together a few years longer, have two small DC 5 and under.

At its core I think our relationship is good as my DH is a kind, funny man. I have the usual gripes about carrying the mental load that I know many women have, but day to day he does his fair share of hands on chores and extras like getting up with the kids every morning.

However we are constantly bickering and griping at each other. He does so many things that annoy me and I know I annoy him. It’s like we can’t help but voice every little annoyance. Examples are if one DC is unsettled of an evening and we’re trying to be quiet and I’m being “too noisy” while brushing my teeth, he will point it out. Same for him, if I ask him to do something and he doesn’t do it immediately or is on his phone while I’m waiting for him to do it, it just annoys me so much and I can’t help getting angry. I find him absent minded, lacking initiative and lazy; he finds me bossy and controlling. And we constantly point it out to each other! It’s like we’ve forgotten how to be nice to each other.

Can anyone else relate to this? Or is our relationship doomed?

OP posts:
tensmum1964 · 30/05/2021 17:56

Someone once gave me some great advice. It was to decide not to say 7 things each day ie if you are about to say for example "You are brushing your teeth too loudly" stop, don't say it and carry on doing whatever you were doing. I found it really useful as it made me very conscious of how often I would make unnecessary and often pointless comments. In turn it also meant that there were less things for my DP and myself to get irritated about and really did improve our communication.

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