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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think children should all get the same present/ amount

24 replies

Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 21:20

Not a child but I’m an adult we all are now. I have 10 siblings 3 half sisters ( my dad and stepmoms kids) and always felt like me and my siblings from the same mom have been treated differently. From not being invited to family gatherings to not having the lavish presents or holidays my half siblings do.
My sisters 21st birthday was last week, and she had a very very expensive gift from my dad and stepmother. It was my birthday just before Christmas ( not to give myself away) but it was a big Birthday too, for me to get a photo frame from them. Not only was the other gift stupidly expensive it was also sentimental and something she’ll keep. I will admit I’m incredibly jealous not just for the fact it was expensive it was the effort put in.
I understand I’m not my stepmothers child but she’s been in my life since I was 3 and she’s seemed to always make it a thing to be in competition with her children and they have to have better. It’s made me feel so bitter and resentful towards my dad too and we’ve hardly spoke. Am I over reacting ? I just know I wouldn’t do it to my own children I would never treat them differently make ones birthday more special then the other. This has not just happened once either it’s every time

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 27/05/2021 21:25

We have 2 children and have never price matched on presents , we figure it will even out over the years . Both are now adult and we’ve never had any complaints and they are both happy with the situation

Original poster
Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 21:28

@Floralnomad would you spend a few grand on one present for one birthday and then £50 on the other child?

OP posts:
Mandsy100 · 27/05/2021 21:29

I would think that being financially fair to TEN children would be very much impossible.

BrieAndChilli · 27/05/2021 21:32

Do you still have your mum around? If so then you should technically get half of what your half siblings do as your dad/stepmum are the only parent unit they have and your mum would make up the other half of yours!
What did your dad give you for your 21st?

sassbott · 27/05/2021 21:32

Too many unanswered questions in my mind.

  1. Who has more money / earned more money/ contributed more to that household? Your dad or your step mum?
  2. sorry if this is personal, but is your mum also in the picture and do you get presents from her/ her family?
Original poster
Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 21:35

My dad he is quite wealthy, my mom isn’t. My mom buys us all the same amount and said not to let it get to me but she wouldn’t do the same and if she had the money would spoil us all equally. I can’t actually remember what he got me nothing sentimental.

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Original poster
Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 21:36

I know I probably sound like an ungrateful cow but it really has hurt me I feel like an outsider most of the time.

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Happycat1212 · 27/05/2021 21:37

My mum does this, she bought my brother a £300 bike for his birthday but put £50 in a card for me 🤔

Standrewsschool · 27/05/2021 21:38

Have you mentioned it to them?

Original poster
Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 21:39

@Happycat1212 does it bother you?

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Original poster
Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 21:40

@Standrewsschool yes they don’t see a problem and my stepmother had a smirk on her face I couldn’t speak about it again because I was close to tears when they laughed about it.

OP posts:
Bigbubbles100 · 27/05/2021 21:40

I'd be upset too and I'd probably ask him why he treats her more.

BigHeadBertha · 27/05/2021 21:41

I think you are being treated like a second class citizen and you're right, it's crappy and it doesn't make your father or your stepmother look like very decent people.

I would back way off from them. Reserve your own time, money, energy and love ONLY for people who treat you well in return.

Flowerclock · 27/05/2021 21:43

FWIW, I don't think your father sounds like a particularly nice man if he upped and left your DM alone with 7 kids to shack up with your stepmother. But maybe I'm reading that wrong.

Happycat1212 · 27/05/2021 21:44

It does a bit but I wouldn’t mention it because it will only be passed of as jealousy. Another example is she also buys my kids charity shop presents for their birthdays but wouldn’t dream of doing that with my brother and it’s all brand new stuff, she will buy his kids a play house for the garden which costs a couple of hundred but will buy mine a 50p toy from the charity shop for their birthday.

usernamenotallowed · 27/05/2021 21:44

I'm in a similar situation and despite being an adult I still find it hard to accept. There's a bigger age gap between us but it's not like I got anything when I was younger either. Half sister is given presents for everything and I get some Amazon vouchers for my birthday and Christmas. It's not like he can't afford to give me a half decent present even if it's not quite to the same standard. Just something with some more thought put into it. But then I've realised he doesn't really know anything about me. I've decided I'm not willing to put any effort into the relationship and I will respond to messages etc (they aren't common) but clearly he would rather just concentrate on his other child.

Original poster
Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 21:45

@BigHeadBertha it’s exactly what I’ve done it’s just made me feel depressed in a way. I was quite close to my dad before this despite it always being this way but his time they just seem to have taken the absolute piss

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Original poster
Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 21:46

It feels like his family to him are just her and THEIR children not any of the rest of us and my other siblings feel the same way I do, my sister said it used to make her feel down too but she just kept her distance

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JackANackAnoreeee · 27/05/2021 21:59

A lot of the answers so far are just completely daft. OF course most parents don't carefully add up the exact amounts they spend on ecah child but they do make it roughly equal. Of course they don't spend multiple thousands on one and buy a token gestue gift for the other. Your dad shouldn't lavish extravagant presents on one child and ignore the kids from his first marriage. Of course you feel hurt.

Original poster
Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 22:03

@JackANackAnoreeee thank you 🙏

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Lollypop4 · 27/05/2021 22:10

I'd be upset too.

My parents treat us the same (4 of us) The grandchildren also get the same.

I've a relative who treats me and sibling differently to our equal realatives though.
Its always been obvious and made obvious.
I was upset about it when younger, but I don't care about it all anymore.

Lollypop4 · 27/05/2021 22:11

You could just ask your Dad why he treats you differently?
I wonder how he would respond..

Floralnomad · 27/05/2021 22:17

[quote Ladyraven0483]@Floralnomad would you spend a few grand on one present for one birthday and then £50 on the other child?[/quote]
I have yes , we are fortunate that we’ve never had an actual budget as such so provided we were happy to spend hat amount they have had what they wanted . Neither of ours are particularly materialistic and assuming they have got what they wanted they don’t then look to see what the other one got and add up the cost . Why would they when they have received more or less what they asked for . That said I don’t think your situation is the same because you come from a blended family where it’s nothing to do with want or need but someone just playing favourites .

Original poster
Ladyraven0483 · 27/05/2021 22:20

@Lollypop4 I asked why he spends so much on one and not the others and he laughed and said he has a lot more money now than when we were younger I wanted to reply well my birthday was only before Christmas so that’s clearly not the case. But I couldn’t physically get the words out I was just too upset, he’s become quite a snob tbh

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