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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working from home

25 replies

Thistles24 · 27/05/2021 19:56

Since March 2020, DH has been working from home at a desk in our bedroom. I work 4 days a week as a keyworker, there would be no scope for me to work from home ever. The day I have off is to look after our 2 year old and catch up with some housework (other DC are in school). To be honest, I’ve struggled with DH working from home- on my day off he doesn’t start till 10, pops downstairs at 1045 for a coffee and to update me on his working day then has meetings for 2 hours. Quick break for lunch then another 2 hours of meetings till 4.
This means that on my day off, I’m always very aware of what noise is being made. The 3 upstairs bedrooms are out of bounds (so no housework done upstairs) , as is the dining room, where I would do any art/messy play with DC because it’s below the bedroom and the noise carries upstairs. So basically we’re between the kitchen with the door closed and the living room with the door closed, or we go out.
Today at dinner he announced that there was to be meetings next week about flexible working and return to the office. He’s already said he’s not keen to be back to the office full time, which I support, though think socially he would benefit from being back amongst people- he isn’t one of the DHs with a hobby that keeps him away all weekend, so he’s literally just seeing us and occasionally his parents since March 2020.
I said it would be great from my point of view if he would be able to work from the office on my day off, and he looked absolutely furious and asked why. I told him what I e said here and his response was that he doesn’t even know if that day will be an option, but he certainly won’t be asking just because of that! He’s now stormed out the house (a normal tactic for him) so I’m just wondering WIBU?
YABU- I should never have asked him that.
YANBU- makes sense for him to work in office that day and allow us to do what we want without creeping round.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/05/2021 20:01

He's ridiculous on many fronts. The "noise level" issue is absurd, and I can't imagine why you've put up with it. He can get some headphones, ffs. As for the storming out, that wouldn't work for me. I won't deal with a man child. As for your day off, I certainly hope you're able to get rid of him.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 27/05/2021 20:08

He's a bellend if he storms out of the house on a regular basis. That's before any of the ins and outs of the rest of your post gets addressed.

Merryoldgoat · 27/05/2021 20:16

Ah. Another performance worker.

My DH has also worked from home since March 2020. Nowhere in my home is out of bounds and family noise if a part of life.

He’s been doing all school drops which is great and often pops down to see the kids when we’re home (also one day a week).

That storming off is a controlling tactic. Put a stop to this shit now.

katy1213 · 27/05/2021 20:16

I'd get hoovering!

Mwnci123 · 27/05/2021 20:17

I don't like looking after the kids when dh is in meetings while wfh. It feels quite invasive, so I am with you on this. He probably feels rejected, which I can understand. Maybe try to revisit it and explain that it's not personal.

Travis1 · 27/05/2021 20:20

Stop tiptoeing around him and have your day off the want you want it.

newnortherner111 · 27/05/2021 20:25

It's not the question of working from home that seems the real issue here. Who wants to hear about work as a conversation, and then there is the storming off.

Castlepeak · 27/05/2021 20:27

Stop creeping around.

My DH has worked from home the entire time that we have been married and the entire time dd has been alive. We are talking decades, basically since wfh became a possibility. There have probably been 2 times in that entire time that he has asked the family to be careful about noise and they were extremely rare and important meetings. I also work from home and have done so for 12 years. I have asked for quiet once. I was having a conference call with a senior government official.

You need to setup a workspace for him that works for the family. Move him to a loft space. Install some soundproofing tiles and a rug in your bedroom. He can also use a headset for calls to reduce pickup or ambient noise. Whatever it takes to let the family behave like normal.

SarahBellam · 27/05/2021 20:29

You behave as you normally would on your day off. It is supposed to be your house not an office. If he can’t cope with normal noise then it would be better for him to go back to work.

FinallyHere · 27/05/2021 20:57

Ask him to sort out a headset is that he can work in a noisy environment (the way that people on contact centres work cheek by jowl with many, many other people) and stop pandering to him.

Bedrooms out of bounds foresooth. What nonsense.

BritWifeinUSA · 27/05/2021 21:13

What is the noise level like at the office? I’m guessing he doesn’t have his own separate room with a soundproof door there? So what’s the difference? I have worked from home full-time for years and years and noise around the house does not bother me in the same way as noise in an office is something you get used to over time (chatter, printers, elevators, doors, phones, deliveries, traffic).

Palavah · 27/05/2021 21:16

@Chicchicchicchiclana

He's a bellend if he storms out of the house on a regular basis. That's before any of the ins and outs of the rest of your post gets addressed.
This in spades
Flowerclock · 27/05/2021 21:22

He's being a twat. I've WFH since last year. I had to phone members of the public with my two kids in the house downstairs. I simply told people I was WFH, please ignore the noise and everyone understood. I'm doing a different job now, still WFH. I have had meetings while my DH has been assembling flat pack, the kids have been home schooling and all manner of housework is going on.

Your DH just needs some decent headphones that don't pick up background noise.

Ivy48 · 27/05/2021 21:24

He’s being a bit sensitive to noise. Worked from home since last March, I’ve never picked up household sounds on any of my calls with colleagues and lots have children at home. He’s needs to use a headset and shut the door. Job done. He’s just being a bit precious and a twit

SteveBuscemisRheumyEye · 27/05/2021 21:38

From now on I'd be having a toddler rave on your day off. He'll soon want to go back.

I honestly can't imagine my DH a) making such a ridiculous request and b) storming off. I'd have his guts for garters!

RockPainting · 27/05/2021 21:44

I have lovely in-ear wireless headphones wth an inbuilt microphone. I shut the door and sit with my back to a wall but facing the door. I could literally be anywhere!

Original poster
Thistles24 · 27/05/2021 21:49

Thanks all. He’s just come back in, made himself a cup of tea and sat down to watch the darts while I’m trying to get the 3DC to their beds, and accused me of being grumpyHmm
He says he’s never complained about the noise, and I’m insensitive- he thinks it’s nice having an extra day to pop down and see me & DC, but obviously that means nothing to me. I’m so fed up to be honest but so close to being able to be financially free that I’ll stick it out a few more months.

OP posts:
TillyTopper · 27/05/2021 21:53

That's ridiculous! And as PP have said, shouting and storming off is his way of controlling you. Me and DH have both worked at home since last March, we still are. We both work full time, I try not to enter the room where he is (our bedroom) and he tried not to bother me when I'm on a call. But if we want to put the washing on, vacuum, whatever, then provided the door of the room we're in is shut no problem. We even have cleaners once a week and have had work done in the house, it was all fine. He sounds a bit of a twat!

RandomMess · 27/05/2021 21:58

Stop being super considerate and get on downstairs.

AngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

GoldenOmber · 27/05/2021 22:00

God, he sounds harder work than your actual toddler.

maddening · 27/05/2021 22:15

He should get a better headset, the mic on my headset is great for cancelling out other noise. He should be fine shut in a room, you should be able to use other rooms.

maddening · 27/05/2021 22:17

Has he ever asked you to be quieter though or to not use the house ?

Whatafool123 · 27/05/2021 22:23

@Thistles24

Thanks all. He’s just come back in, made himself a cup of tea and sat down to watch the darts while I’m trying to get the 3DC to their beds, and accused me of being grumpyHmm He says he’s never complained about the noise, and I’m insensitive- he thinks it’s nice having an extra day to pop down and see me & DC, but obviously that means nothing to me. I’m so fed up to be honest but so close to being able to be financially free that I’ll stick it out a few more months.
Are you planning to leave him then OP? I take it this behaviour is just one of his endearing little traits?
BackforGood · 27/05/2021 22:23

So many issues here

  1. the storming off when you try to discuss something
  2. the fact he is sitting watching TV whilst you are getting 3 dc to bed Hmm
  3. why is he only working about 4 hours in a day ?
  4. why are you creeping around the whole time ? I totally get you and your little one might not have access to the room he is working in, but any noise coming from other rooms is normal. Surely there is noise in offices too ? Plus, if he really needs quiet all the time to deliver, then there are headphones and microphones he could use.

Like so many others - dh and I have both been working from home, along with all my colleagues and all his colleagues. Everyone we are on meetings with are always very understanding of interruptions when working from home - from people's pets to Amazon deliveries. If there is a particular meeting where it would help, then at that point we try and accommodate that for each other. Each of us try to give the other notice of that. Neither of us would expect that to be all through the day, every week.

WTFisNext · 27/05/2021 22:25

I have a velcro husband it wasn't a problem pre-lockdown but even he has suggested that one of his work in the office days when they return is on my non-working day.

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