Are mums just meant to 'carry on' when ill?

[Boo36363]

Hi all! Totally random. I have two dc and have been ill a fair few times whilst looking after them - it's just part of parenthood. I'm not complaining really...

Last week I had covid jab. My head was thumping, I was very very tired etc! Just feeling wiped out. Didn't actually have a fever or anything though. But I could barely stay awake. Even had to ring the doctors due to the severe headaches which have now subsided.

Mil turned up when j was feeling poop - unannounced - yay 😒 House was a tip. Apparently I just needed to drink more and take some paracetamol and get on with it, tidy the house etc. My house is usually pretty clean and tidy but I literally had no energy. Dp was working long hours all week. Usually I do 'just get on with it' but I felt extremely tired!! But I felt she was being judgmental. I was napping 2 or 3 times a day last week - j never nap. This is how wiped out I felt.

fast forward to this week. I'm feeling much better thankfully.

Dp is due his jab next week. Mil has just messaged me saying that she felt so ill after hers (a couple months ago so she knew this before I had mine) And to make sure dp rests, that I take the kids out (half term) so he can sleep etc! Even said he should go stay over there to bleddy rest! How I need to do all the cooking etc! Basically he shouldn't lift a finger. He'll be going to work like usual hopefully if his doesn't feel too ill afterwards.

Jesus! I know it's her son so she's gone from telling me to 'buck up' basically to telling me that dp should spend all day in bed - he might not even have side effects yet!

Thankfully dp doesn't share her attitude at all!

Not sure what the point of this post is really but she's so bleddy annoying!

Of course if dp is feeling unwell he should rest but to her it was okay that I was struggling through the week 😂

What a dick.

I remember my dad was the same - he'd come round early Saturday morning and I'd be in bed, and he'd look around in disgust and tell me how filthy it was. (It wasn't - just washing etc left over from the week)

I'm also a single parent working 50 hours a week with a chronic illness.

But for some reason we're still expected to get up and clean and manage like robots.

I'm ill all the time. Everyday is a struggle and I get up and carry on with no whinging even though inside I want to just lie down and cry forever. If dp gets ill its very woe is me. Everyone has got used to me being ill so they just expect me to get on with it. I am so tempted to just one day, not get up. (I'm not saying my dp is shit, no one realises how bad I feel most of the time)

@Redjumper1

You keep saying DP. Are you not married? Being a sahm if you are not married is not the best idea. Especially if you have an interfering, busybody MIL. These women are known to cause marriage/relationship problems. I find it odd that you just accept that she can turn up whenever she feels like it and insult you. Doesn't seem to be any boundaries if she is sending you messages like that and openly calling you a lazy parent on days out. You have much bigger problems than the outdated view that women are expected to get on with things.

No not married but we plan to one day. We've been together nearly a decade though. I've learnt to try not let her comments get to me! She's a great grandmother just not so keen on me! 😂 for a few years we didn't see her much. I'm not sure why. It was once every few months or even more which tbh looking back was okay. Since her now husband works away some of the week we see her more. She's going back to work after some time off next week so hoping visits won't be too frequent! 😒

@LST

I'm ill all the time. Everyday is a struggle and I get up and carry on with no whinging even though inside I want to just lie down and cry forever. If dp gets ill its very woe is me. Everyone has got used to me being ill so they just expect me to get on with it. I am so tempted to just one day, not get up. (I'm not saying my dp is shit, no one realises how bad I feel most of the time)

Oh that sounds awful! You sound like you need some much needed rest! 💕 Thankfully I am pretty healthy otherwise so shouldn't moan but I was wiped out last week!

I had a really dreadful migraine this week for a few days, husband is deployed. When it was really bad I put a mattress on my little girls bedroom floor and left her to play whilst I napped.

The difference being my dad drove a few hours to come and help me out. He tidied up for me and did the garden. Your mother in law sounds absolutely dreadful! There isn’t any harm in the house being messy for a few days!

I would have to repeat the advice that she gave you back to her. Cheeky cow.

I have been feeling ill today and i realised that whenever I am ill I have to carry on and look after the DC however if dp is ill he can relax and rest because I am always around when he is at home.

@Boo36363 thank you. I'm having a bit of a pity party. If the tables were turned though it would be a completely different scenario. Women are always expected to just carry on. I hope you're feeling better x

Stop giving your MiL any headspace.

Congratulate yourself on your choice of DH and be glad your MiL'a views have no impact on you and your life.

Agree you have a mil problem. I feel no shame saying that I have been married nearly 10 years and can count on one had the number of phone calls I have had with my mil. Can you block her number?

She sounds very old fashioned OP, just ignore her.

My MIL can be like this. DH and I both have busy, full-time jobs, but on top of mine I also do the lions share of the housework and childcare. MIL occasionally phones me to remind me that DH has a stressful job and I need to make sure he’s looked after