What to do if I think I’m autistic at 32?

[Andthekitchensink]

I believe I’m autistic. I have the majority of the traits and my life is significantly impacted by these.
For example I need routine and plans. If plans are thrown off for whatever reason, I can’t function and I’ve been known to have meltdowns over it (even as an adult). So, as you can imagine, covid has been a nightmare for me.

I write lists obsessively. I’ve always struggled with ‘small talk’ and I find it difficult to relate to most people. All my serious relationships have ended, due mostly to my behaviour and my inability to be flexible in day to day life. I’m fully aware of it, but can’t seem to stop.
I’ve never had a major issue making friends, but I was always the ‘weird’ one or the ‘funny’ one. I became the class clown in secondary school and at uni to help mask who I really was.

Meltdowns were a regular occurrence as a child and teenager too, then continuing into adulthood. It’s not unusual for me to throw things across a room in a rage and then be unable to control myself at all.
I struggle with problem solving and numbers, but my reading skills are excellent and I have a bad habit of correcting other people’s grammar, even if it’s inappropriate.
I had a reading age of a 14 year old when I was 8.

I often speak out of turn and can say completely inappropriate things, that can come across as rude. My mum says I’m very blunt in the way I speak a lot of the time.

I tend to watch the same TV programme or film over and over again, which has always driven my family/partner at the time mad. Sometimes I’ll finish watching a film and start it over again straight afterwards.

I get very fixated on things and I know every intricate detail of the subject I’m interested in at the time, I can also talk about it for hours, boring people in the process!

Also, my anxiety is horrendous and I can’t cope with any form of confrontation.

Just wondering if anyone else is similar to me? Or whether you managed to get a diagnosis as an adult? When I told my previous therapist, she said she didn’t see the need to get a ‘label’ and it wasn’t necessary, even if I am autistic or have Aspergers. But I disagree. I want to know why I’m like I am, I want to be able to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

If getting a diagnosis is important for you it probably depends on where you are if you need to pay privately for it or not. Where I am in Scotland and working with adult students at times, a couple have got referrals for diagnosis from their GPs (but neither actually got diagnosed with ASD after they had been seen.) Sometimes a diagnosis can be useful for education or work settings if reasonable adjustments are helpful.

It sounds like you have a good understanding of yourself in any event. Your therapist was maybe thinking that because you are very clued up on your experiences that a diagnosis might not actually add anything on for you. But it can certainly be helpful for some. I guess if you are interested in the condition itself there is a huge amount of literature out there that you can research yourself.

If you feel it would be beneficial for you, pursue a diagnosis. My sibling did in their 30s and having confirmation of asc had improved their life immeasurably.

My gp said to me that the benefit of a formal diagnosis is maily to access support. If you feel happy as you are ,then unless it resolves anything for you ,then there may be limited benefit.
Reseach ,for me , has allowerld me to play to my strengths ( not autisim - ADD)

If you feel it will give you closure in terms of defining the "why" of how you feel different then I would approach your GP and ask about assessment (sorry that isn't well phrased but I hope you see what I'm trying to convey). Otherwise a private assessment by a clinical psychologist may be what you need. Have you done any of the Simon Baron Cohen tests? They may be enough confirmation for you. His writing on the subject of autism is very good. My DH's family discovered ASD as a family trait when these tests first became accessible to the public about 15 years ago.

www.autismresearchcentre.com/tests/

I work in mental health with adults and it's possible to self refer for a diagnosis in my area but this isn't the case for every local authority health board. Some require a referral from a GP so that should be your first point of contact because they can advise you what you need to do. Autism.org.uk has information on the process and there's contact numbers for any more information that isn't covered on the website. It's quite common in my field to have patients who get diagnosed late in life and most are relieved to finally have a name for how they feel.