Why are people on here so mean to nannies ??

[claramonica]

I just can't believe how some people treat nannies around here. So many horrible situations.

One doesn't want to give lunch to the nanny, the other just fires her whenever she sees fit.

AIBU that no one cares properly for their nannies ?

People are arseholes. I also think people who do this stuff are a bit thick, selfish and have no self awareness so when they post on here they genuinely think they are in the right and nanny in wrong. I'm sure lots of people treat nannies well but they won't be posting here about things that are perfectly fine

Well, most of the time people are absolutely flamed for being mean to their nannies. So I don't think that most people are unpleasant to nannies. Most of the people I know who have nannies treat them like part of the family. And most nannies I've met tend to have long standing relationships with the families they work for.

I’m a nanny. I’ve worked for and come across some absolute horrors.

Some feel uncomfortable about the fact that they need a nanny, or that the nanny might be more experienced, or that sometimes the nanny is doing a better job, or dealing with a situation that they struggle with- and they massively project.

My current boss does this all the time.

I work for lovely family, have freedom of how and where to look after the children, they treat me like family member, but I posted once that I don't believe in organising every second of their time, and leave them to entertain themselves sometimes, and was told I'm an unfit nanny, and people are happy I don't look after their children. Well, I'm glad too.

That is unfair and untrue.

In the recent posts you have only the OP being unreasonable and they get their arses handed to them by posters who think they are treating the nanny disgustingly.

So YABU. "people on here" aren't "so mean" to nannies and you are wrong in your claim that "no-one cares properly for their nannies".

I’ll add that I’ve worked for some great families too. But I’ve learnt that it’s the parents that can make or break a job in a lot of instances.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I’m a nanny. I’ve worked for and come across some absolute horrors.

Some feel uncomfortable about the fact that they need a nanny, or that the nanny might be more experienced, or that sometimes the nanny is doing a better job, or dealing with a situation that they struggle with- and they massively project.

My current boss does this all the time.

Could you leave and get another job where they want you?

Some people who have money think they're better than others. They think that because the nanny is their employee they can treat them like shit.

@thepinkstuff- I’m going on maternity leave in a few months and won’t return as I’ve been there for four years and the children are getting too old for a full time nanny.

The single parent I work for has many good points- but struggles with discipline and boundaries a lot. This makes my job much harder although wasn’t really an issue since they began working at home. This changed the dynamic massively!

*until they began working at home.

Because they are stuck up and the power has gone to their head.

I’d say that on average the general mood on MN is either “how dare you employ a nanny you bloated plutocrat, you have no idea how real people live” or competitive “I am the most perfect employer who would not dream of exploiting my nanny in any conceivable way”.

But people generally only post when they’ve got a perceived problem.

If that problem is just that they’ve got unreasonable expectations then the OP will get their arses handed to them in no uncertain terms as in the thread you mention.

If the problem is that (according to the OP’s version of events) their nanny really is a nightmare employee then the OP will get a fair amount of sympathy because every career has the occasional rogue and it is a particularly difficult situation to find yourself in.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I’m a nanny. I’ve worked for and come across some absolute horrors.

Some feel uncomfortable about the fact that they need a nanny, or that the nanny might be more experienced, or that sometimes the nanny is doing a better job, or dealing with a situation that they struggle with- and they massively project.

My current boss does this all the time.

What I never understand in this situation is, why do they hire a nanny? I mean, I find it weird enough when people tell me they could never hire a nanny because they wouldn't want someone who was that close to their children, but at least those people don't, in fact, hire a nanny. But if you've decided a nanny is the way forward, why would you then be surprised when they're good at their job!? So so odd.

But then, I've also met a number of families who micromanage their nannies to a level that I find bizarre. Telling them exactly where and when to take the children out, what groups they can/can't join etc etc. The closest I ever came to being extremely prescriptive was making it clear that DS needed a proper dinner rather than his main meal at lunch because at 13 months, there was a noticeable improvement in his sleep (always bad) if he'd had a decent supper vs a light one.

SpaceOp I guess some people find themselves in a position where a nanny is obviously the best childcare solution and either they let that override the fact that it’s going to push their psychological buttons, or they lack the self-awareness to know that those buttons are even there until it’s too late.

Our long term nanny was excellent at many things I’m crap at - it was fantastic!

I don’t think two threads qualifies as any form of majority op. Calm yourself down,

I think there are dozens of threads where people are nice and many more situations which are unremarkable and just aren’t posted about at all.

However when people are mean to nannies I think it’s often a power game, awkwardness about having a nanny full stop or awkwardness/inexperience in handling the ‘personal’ of child care in home with the ‘professional’ of an employment relationship.

I think a lot stems from the perception of it as female role and the tasks themselves being traditionally female ones. I bet half the people who behave shockingly to the nanny would never behave similarly to a plumber or decorator working in the home. Sadly the other half absolutely would and would behave abominably to anyone they perceived as being on the wrong end of the power imbalance.

I think you should be careful not to believe troll threads

@DilysPrice

SpaceOp I guess some people find themselves in a position where a nanny is obviously the best childcare solution and either they let that override the fact that it’s going to push their psychological buttons, or they lack the self-awareness to know that those buttons are even there until it’s too late.

Our long term nanny was excellent at many things I’m crap at - it was fantastic!

Some people in my experience really struggle with having someone they employ in their homes, especially if they’re new to being an employer, or to managing someone, behave incredibly badly as a result and end up locked in a crazed psychological battle with the nanny over minor issues. I saw something similar but exaggerated in a subset of British women living in Dubai who got both drunk on power and also confused, insecure and guilty when they had easily-exploited live-in maids in their employ. There was an extremely unpleasant culture among some employers of a kind of hard-nosed ‘oh, those girls from the Philippines? Do nothing but gossip to other maids and make eyes at your DH, and you come home unexpectedly to find them wearing your underwear with their boyfriend in your bed.’

The lower middle/working classes are uncomfortable with domestic help. They often find dealing with staff and asking them to do things uncomfortable. You don't find this with people who are used to housekeepers and live-in nannies.

Think of Harry Enfields Wayne and Waynetta Slob when they won the lottery "wipe my arse"

It's just people being people. Some are nice, some are shit

I worked as a nanny in my early 20s and the parents were absolutely lovely. I still get a Christmas card with updates and photos of the children 10 years later ( very appreciated, it's impossible not to get attached to the children). I've heard a few horror stories from fellow nannies so I suspect its luck of the draw.