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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too Tired To Booze Like This

15 replies

SallyA1976 · 27/05/2021 13:03

Hi All - I'm 40, married with young children. Like many, my options to socialise are restricted and I have fallen into a social life that consists of meeting my group of girlfriends (also other mothers) round their houses to drink in their kitchens. The amount of booze we throwback is unbelievable and the hangovers are unreal. For the last 2 years, I've been trying to reduce how much I drink at these sessions, slip out early (like at 11 pm) and generally try and guide us a little more towards (now and again) doing other stuff that doesn't revolve around wine and drunken gossip. It's generally met with a lot of resistance which is jokey but annoying. I also find myself making excuses more and more because it's always me saying 'no more wine for me thank you' or 'I'm sorry it's midnight I need to go' and I feel so awkward about it. The thing is, my friends, love it still. I brought it up recently in a very constructive way and they said that they are 100% happy with what we all do and see no need to change it. I love my friends but I also love my (vert limited) kid-free time - and I want to spend it differently - in healthier ways that don't make me feel so shit and terrible the next day. Im starting to grow a bit resentful and I hate that too. Anyone else feel a reluctance to booze now you're older? AIBU to make tell my friends that I'm going to make some changes (knowing that this could put a gap between us)?

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 27/05/2021 13:11

I felt like this and knocked it on the head completely. The older you get the worse the hangovers get too. I gave up late 40s and its been two years alcohol free now. Have my friendships changed? Yes. I am still happier now with an even more limited social life than I ever was drinking.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/05/2021 13:18

I don’t think you can do much if everyone else still enjoys it. They maybe need it to let off steam.

I’d start trying to enlarge my friendship circle if this isn’t working for you.

TimeForTeaAndG · 27/05/2021 13:20

Have a glass of water alongside so you can alternate sips of wine for drinks of water. You'll naturally drink less as your wine glass won't empty as quickly so won't need topped up.

Or take a bottle of non-alcoholic fizz with you and drink that instead.

Serpenta · 27/05/2021 13:22

You need to find another group of friends who want to take part in the non-booze related activities. It doesn't mean ditching your current friends, just expanding your options. You could try by joining a Meet Up group for a particular activity?

TheKeatingFive · 27/05/2021 13:23

Have a glass of water alongside so you can alternate sips of wine for drinks of water. You'll naturally drink less as your wine glass won't empty as quickly so won't need topped up.

Or take a bottle of non-alcoholic fizz with you and drink that instead.

Do this. You don’t need to drink as much as them if you don’t want to.

WaterBottle123 · 27/05/2021 13:24

Don't make this a drama, just quietly drink water alongside your wine. No one will actually care. You sound a little like you want to police their consumption rather than simply reduce your own.

Or add soda water to your wine? It's really not that hard.

FetchezLaVache · 27/05/2021 13:25

Booze is meant to be enjoyable, so if you're not enjoying it, keep to an amount that works for you. I am definitely a drinking in the kitchen with my girlfriends type, but I have friends who can't handle booze these days and I'd hate to think any of them were going along with it out of peer pressure!

Also agree that you should try to find a different group of friends, as this lot have made it clear they're not interested in healthier pursuits.

FazeleysRoyale · 27/05/2021 13:26

Could you suggest meeting in the day ? For example going for coffee or lunch at a garden centre ? (Maybe with your favourite two or three from the group). This might not work if they are trying not to spend much or there are childcare issues for any of you.

I prefer socialising in the daytime. I'm older than you and cannot booze much anymore. If I do it destroys any chance of proper sleep, and the anxiety the next day is horrible. So I don't do it.

You could also intersperse your drinks with a soft drink or water, but ultimately it sounds like these meet ups are not working for you.

fairynick · 27/05/2021 13:27

I completely get you, OP. I wouldn’t turn up with non alcoholic drink, or be drinking water either. It would probably be a good idea in practice, but I just wouldn’t do it.

Original poster
SallyA1976 · 27/05/2021 13:32

@fairynick

I completely get you, OP. I wouldn’t turn up with non alcoholic drink, or be drinking water either. It would probably be a good idea in practice, but I just wouldn’t do it.
That's what Ive spent the last 2 years doing (drinking NA drinks and alternating etc), and its just awkward, and its normally always questioned by someone - there is peer pressure to drink event at 40 - there just is. Also, without drinking - it's SOOOOOO hard to last from 7pm to beyond midnight which is what happens if you're sharing a lift home. And another thing that happens is that I drive and then end up giving 4 people a lift home and the journey takes me an hour. It just doesn't work :(
OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 27/05/2021 13:35

Meet up in the daytime.

I can't imagine ever commenting on whether somebody is drinking or not. Most of my friends are a mixture of t-total, occasional drivers and party animals- we all do our own thing and leave as early or as late as we like.

lazylinguist · 27/05/2021 13:45

I couldn't (and wouldn't want to) do this now (late 40s). I can still tuck a lot away on occasion, and don't really get bad hangovers, but regular drunken gosssip-fesrs absolutely don't appeal.

I wouldn't be able to sit there for hours drinking soft drinks surrounded by increasingly drunk people either, OP. I agree with a pp - rather than try to change their behaviour, I'd be inclined duck out of most of the boozy evenings and suggest some daytime meet-ups.

idontlikealdi · 27/05/2021 13:52

Start backing out and don't be the DD.

We're a bit mushy in my group, no one would expect anyone to drive, drinking or not. No one would ever comment on anyone else's drinking either. Two of my friends can't drink for medical reasons. They drink whatever NA drink they want.

CaptainOatFlosser · 27/05/2021 13:58

I’m not going to lie to you OP, I quit drinking before kids and my social life changed. Drink people become very dull and they love to hassle the sober person to drink. Going out of an evening is not my thing at all now because of heavy drinking culture. Dinner etc is one thing, but drinking focused activities are another. I’d be looking at activities or day time socialising where you don’t have a big drink focus. X

Serpenta · 27/05/2021 14:11

@Notonthestairs

Meet up in the daytime.

I can't imagine ever commenting on whether somebody is drinking or not. Most of my friends are a mixture of t-total, occasional drivers and party animals- we all do our own thing and leave as early or as late as we like.

Same. All welcome, drink what you like, go home when you like.
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