Please Help, At My Wits End

[WhatNowFrantic]

I've posted before about DS,
He's on sertraline which worked for a year so he started to come off it, well it all went downhill so he started on the full dose 2 weeks ago.
Today he's been really down, took himself to the pub and has come back saying he wants to die. He's been really angry telling me to fck off. He was also looking for his pills but I hide them now.
Well he txts some mates telling them he wants to die and one of them sent an ambulance to our house!
DS told them to fck off and wouldn't engage so they've gone.
DS is now asleep and I'm sat here shaking.
Surely if hes texting friends he's asking for help?! So why won't he accept it?

Oh I'm sorry OP. No advice from me I'm afraid, but bumping for you in the hope that others see this.

Hi op how old is he? Could you get a referral for CAMHS via GP.
It sounds like he is crying out for help? Alcohol is a depressant though so won't have helped his mood.

Do you know if he is taking drugs as this could impact on his mental health.
Covid hasn't helped with MH issues does he have a community psychiatric nurse he could discuss with or see GP.
Sorry for you both it's very tough. I hope you can speak to him later today.

Thank you, he's 22
No drugs as far as I know.
He was fine through lockdown as the pubs were shut! And he won't drink at home.
The paramedics were so lovely and he just kept swearing at them so they left. They said they send an report to his GP.

I've been through several crisis moments, and honestly I can't imagine how hard it is for you on the other side. I can say that he may be flitting between wanting help, and struggling to accept it.

Meds like this do have a tendency to make things worse before they get better, and suicidal thoughts can be part of that. Keep an eye on him, but I'd hope in another week or two the Sertraline will begin to work again.

Two weeks ago, did he by any chance get a new prescription for his sertrline and receive a different brand from the pharmacy?

I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this. My husband was similar to this when he was 20 and taking sertraline. Your story sounds very familiar, right up to the ambulance situation too.

Have there been any other behaviour changes that you have noticed?

I ask because my DH showed the same behaviours as your son, he was in and out of the GP on various different types anti depressants for years and seemed to get worse, including being suicidal and making some very scary attempts to commit suicide.

It has taken us 17 years , but at 37 he was diagnosed with Bipolar 1. The "depression " was being misdiagnosed due to the suicide attempts. When in fact, it was mania. The antidepressant medication was contributing to an even higher state of mania. He actually needed mood stabilisers.

He has finally been prescribed lithium, which he takes alongside orforil and quetiapine. Quetiapine is an excellent mood stabiliser which has a "side effect" of acting as a sleeping aid. The psychiatrist couldn't emphasise the importance of stable sleep enough.

Your son is at the age where bipolar can start to become apparent and it so often gets treated as depression at first, which can cause symptoms to worsen. One of the reasons why the medication may have worked at first but not now could be that his mood cycle has shifted or is shifting into mania.

I'm not a doctor. I saw so many similarities in your post that I wanted to share our experience as I wish someone had done for us. We've been together since we were 15 (I'm 37 now) and this "journey" has taken nearly 20 years.

Feel free to pm me for support and really push the doctors to consider different medications. Sending you and your son lots of love.

I feel for you OP, that sounds rough.

@JimLaheysWhiskeyBottle has some great advice above. These issues are very complex. I'm in Aus so don't know your local services.

Can you get him to a Psychiatrist? Most GP's really aren't experts at psych meds, and he clearly needs to get his meds under control. Coming on/off any of them can be dodgy, and everyone reacts differently.

Wishing you the best, this isn't easy but you're really trying & that's all you can do.

The uppermost dose prescribed for sertaline is 200mg. Has he gone from nothing straight to 200mg?

If so, the side effects are utterly brutal. You can get tremors, heart palpitations, upset stomach, raging thirst or sickness, disassociation, suicidal thoughts, worsening anxiety and depression, memory loss, slurred speech, jitters.... and many more. It's no wonder he feels horrific. But the side effects are temporary. Could he reduce his dose and build up?

@zippityzip he was originally on 50mg then went down to 25mg, now back to 50mg
@JimLaheysWhiskeyBottle thankyou x I have wondered if its Bipolar actually. Only Behaviour changes are being withdrawn.
@SpindleWhorl no, the same brand.
I'm just getting up now, have hardly slept. I'm so anxious wondering what DS is going to be like this morning.

That's a horrible situation for you both. Hang in there, hopefully his gp will be able to help today

Sending you love this morning. Take it slow today, this isn't going to be fixed today. I found it helpful to think this way.
Bipolar is a strange one as I've found it can present itself in ways you wouldn't expect. DH as a teenager and young adult was quite withdrawn but then could take outrageous risks, such as not enjoying going out clubbing etc, but then suddenly booking a trip to New York on his own for 3 weeks.

Do a bit of reading around it and see if you recognise any traits that might have started appearing around 17 18 years old.

I have to go to work now, but I'll check in later. Good luck, make sure you have support, this can be terribly lonely as the "supporter".

@JimLaheysWhiskeyBottle This does sound similar actually. DS can be very loud, speak his mind, take risks. But can also be shy and withdrawn.
He won't engage with the GP, they txt him last week to arrange a catch up but he just ignored it. How can I make him go?!
I'm going to look for a private psychiatrist today, am I right in thinking they can prescribe?
He's now in the shower, he was vomitting before. I've told him I'm scared and please will he let me find someone to help him but he just shakes his head.

Hi @WhatNowFrantic I was just checking in to see how you both got on yesterday.

Hope you're all doing ok.

He might not feel comfortable engaging with a GP, but with a psychiatrist, your son might be able to develop a relationship where he feels comfortable.

I don't live in the UK anymore, but when we did (left when we were 27) my DH had a private psychiatrist who prescribed.

If it turns out to be more than depression a psychiatrist will be able to help him navigate what the treatment plan is. Maybe your son would feel more control this way, it's possible that he doesn't feel in control of himself at the moment. This could be a conversation starter for you both and maybe might push him towards accessing help.

You could also talk to your own GP, they may be able to help you access the crises team who might be able to come out and support your son through times like the other night. But, I'm not sure if there still are crises teams.

Good luck x

@JimLaheysWhiskeyBottle thankyou for checking in.
I have found a clinic near us that have private psychiatrists, im working on DS to let him see its a good idea. When you book with these people you need to pay within 24 hours so I need to get the timing right.
Last night was calmer, he went to the pub for food with an ex🙈 they had a drink but not drunk. He did seem abit happier but I'm worried that he will get his hopes up with this girl and she hurts him, but I can't get involved.
On Wednesday he was adamant he wasn't going to work today, but he's got up and gone so?.........
It's a roller coaster!

I feel bad for you both but it does seem that he may be using this for a bit of attention too.

Clearly he is suffering but I have had friends act the same way...txt us to say they are going to die..then ignore help.

Going for drinks to tell people all their worries... for sympathy etc.
I've had an ex try to win me back that way...when the sympathy act didn't work...they went around to every person they could find yet ignore and refused help.

Its awful being stuck ina depression,it makes you selfish and warps your mind.

Does he have a job or anything else to get him out of the house...Or does he just go to the pub ?

Last night was calmer, he went to the pub for food with an ex🙈 they had a drink but not drunk. He did seem abit happier but I'm worried that he will get his hopes up with this girl and she hurts him, but I can't get involved

Yes this remind me of my ex. He was always in a great mood if he thought there was a chance with us.
When he didn't get his way...his parents would call me asking what I had done to their son'' .

Yes he was depressed but he had everybody wrapped.
Nobody could say anything he disliked because that would 'set him back' he got really used to being allowed to move the goalposts when he wanted.

He didn't have a lot going on in his life..
No job..no self esteem so just looked for constant sympathy when needed or an excuse not to work.

His world became very small and he thought only about himself. While more and more people catered to his every whim. He also told a lot of people to fuck off as and when he wanted to. And they did...so it continued. Hes 34 now. Still living with parents. Still making excuses for him ...still I get drunken emails the odd month.

Depression is real... but its very easy to fall into the position of ''everyone close to me will do what I need at all times or I wont be able to cope
'' .

Depression does awful things to you but it doesnt make you tell actual health workers and friends to ''fuck off'' for offering to help...after you asked for it!!!!!! unacceptable. That's disrespectful. Depression doesn't make you be disrespectful ...but suddenly alright to out to the pub in a better mood because you might be getting somthin you fancy.
Be careful op. Seems to be a bit of manipulation going on here.

@NothingIcando Wow! Do you know rightly or wrongly this has never crossed my mind! And I guess there could be an element of truth in what you say.
He was very remorseful the day after the paramedic incident, it's definitely the drink that makes him act this way.
He does have a job, he runs his own company, which he has done for 14 months. It is very successful at the moment and keeps him busy. I do make it sound like he's at the pub all the time, but it's generally fri and sat eve.
I see what you mean about texting friends for help, is it for attention? Could well be!
All I know is that last year when the Antidepressants kicked in and the pubs were closed he was in a really good place.
It's only when he started coming off them in April that it all went pear shaped.

😫 DS was out drinking all afternoon yesterday, got to 7/8 o'clock and I hadn't heard from him which is really unusual.
Eventually at 11pm he told us what pub he was In, picked him up in a dreadful state and he went straight to bed.
Obviously things didn't go well with the ex, which doesn't surprise me one bit.
I'm not nervously waiting to see what state of mind he's in this morning.
My nerves are shot.