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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if this happened at your work....

106 replies

Ifimight · 26/05/2021 21:00

If someone made a sexist/rape joke in a meeting mainly involving junior staff but also with senior managers in it, what do you think would happen at your work place? Would anyone complain? Would anyone call them out as it being inappropriate in the meeting itself?

Just curious. This comes on the back of years of inappropriate behaviour and harassment, I'm wondering how other work places would/should deal with it.

OP posts:
ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 26/05/2021 22:45

Erm a 'word' not a sword. Although that's only because it's all over zoom. In person I imagine my boss would quite like to wield a sword at that moment.

StealthPolarBear · 26/05/2021 22:47

I work in a female dominated organisation and there would be at least one who would say wtf to their face. My boss would, and at least one of the women I manage (probably some of the men too). Hopefullt me too.

Original poster
Ifimight · 26/05/2021 22:55

I guess the worst thing is, this is nowhere near the worst thing that's been said or done. This is small fry. Nobody has ever been sacked or marched out, or called out in meetings or in public. I'm genuinely shocked at the responses, ie that this kind of stuff is taken seriously in other places.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 26/05/2021 22:57

I have a dreadful colleague who says some awful things to clients in a jokey way but really I don't know how she hasn't been reported. the next time I hear her I shall be reporting her.

lastqueenofscotland · 26/05/2021 22:59

Sexist joke: a very firm talking to, probably meeting with a manager/HR to discuss conduct.

Rape joke: would be gross misconduct and you’d be out the door.

GertietheGherkin · 26/05/2021 23:06

They'd be out of the room, and out of the building so quickly their feet wouldn't touch the floor, and I work in a very male dominated profession

Confusedandshaken · 26/05/2021 23:10

I think a lot depends on the industry you work in. My DD works for a big consultancy firm in the City and although they pay lip service to non discriminatory language, sexism, classism and casual racism are still common Same in DH’s accountancy firm. Strangely enough my DS works in the HO of a massive construction firm snd that company is much better about these things than the other two.

jobsagudden · 26/05/2021 23:12

No one would bat an eyelid at the Company I work for.

It's a horrible company.

CasaBonita · 26/05/2021 23:16

I also work in a female heavy organisation. The 'joke' teller would be in deep shit and that's putting it mildly!

BathTangle · 26/05/2021 23:19

I work for an "old school" firm in an industry that has a reputation for being an old boys club. I think there would initially be stunned silence and then this would called out by senior staff (male and female). The person would I imagine be disciplined.

Blueberry40 · 26/05/2021 23:20

I work at a University (not student facing) and this would probably be ignored or given an eye roll. My experience of reporting these incidents to HR is that absolutely nothing is done about it.

The last 2 people I know who reported this kind of behaviour were driven/bullied out of their jobs very quickly as they realised that the person making the comments would (at most) have a written warning which they would ignore. It’s a toxic environment.

parietal · 26/05/2021 23:22

I knew a case where a man would often make inappropriate sexist jokes but ONLY in cases when he was the most senior person in the room. He never did it when his (female) boss or other senior people were around. It was not reported for a long time because the more junior temp staff didn't know how to report it & stop him. As soon as one of them made a report, he was gone.

Zzelda · 26/05/2021 23:30

This would be a mega issue where I currently work, and it would also have been a very big deal indeed with my two previous employers, even the employer before last who were idiots in many other ways.

CherryPieface · 26/05/2021 23:31

God OP, that doesn’t sound great. Can you look for a new role?

ILoveShula · 26/05/2021 23:31

I would have spoken immediately.

Downunderduchess · 26/05/2021 23:32

I’m not a manager, however, I would absolutely say something. I could not ignore it. And I would take it further, report etc.

Original poster
Ifimight · 26/05/2021 23:48

I've started to make a complaint but they've asked if i want to do a grievance and I'm a bit scared of the process and being treated differently because I've complained. Everyone will know it's me as I'm the only one who ever has stood up to this kind of thing. All the other women keep their head down and get on with it.

I have started job hunting in earnest this week and got two interviews next week after years of feeling stuck in that godawful place. I'm not in a good place mentally right now (partly due to this) and second guessing myself a lot so this thread has been really helpful.

OP posts:
AutoIncorrect · 26/05/2021 23:56

It would be completely swept under the carpet, the culprit would be deemed as “having a lot going on” and behaving poorly due to stress blah blah blah bull shit.

Etinox · 26/05/2021 23:57

Religious Charity- it'd be immediately challenged by everyone else in the room. I don't know what would then happen, because in 10+ years nothing like it has. There have been a few clumsy miswordings around race and that resulted in public apologies and space for those affected to debrief.

Education in the wokest borough ever 30 years ago- one man once made a comment about an attractive student and he was practically defenstrated before we realised he was talking about a fellow teacher. That was fine.

Both workplaces really supportive, lovely places to work, non- hierarchical and easy to speak truth to power. I wouldn't want to work in a different environment.

Goldieloxx · 27/05/2021 00:00

Not tolerating misogyny and rape isn't woke, it's just being a normal person. I hate this DM use of the word woke like it's derogatory

GillianAnderson · 27/05/2021 00:01

Nothing would happen at my company because all of the managers are an embarrassment and HR would be too scared to go against them

Etinox · 27/05/2021 00:02

@Ifimight

I've started to make a complaint but they've asked if i want to do a grievance and I'm a bit scared of the process and being treated differently because I've complained. Everyone will know it's me as I'm the only one who ever has stood up to this kind of thing. All the other women keep their head down and get on with it.

I have started job hunting in earnest this week and got two interviews next week after years of feeling stuck in that godawful place. I'm not in a good place mentally right now (partly due to this) and second guessing myself a lot so this thread has been really helpful.

Speak to ACAS and also get your ducks in a row- copies of annual appraisals, probation passed etc. so if it becomes untenable you can prove you were eased out/constructive dismissal. Flowers
stevalnamechanger · 27/05/2021 00:03

Likely be fired . Gross misconduct

TheCrowening · 27/05/2021 00:14

Female dominated profession here. Rape jokes or comments like you describe would absolutely be dealt with through disciplinary procedures as well as being immediately challenged.

pigeonpocket · 27/05/2021 00:25

My employer has a zero tolerance policy for any jokes like that. And I can't imagine any of my colleagues would ever make such a joke.
A junior colleague once went to a work event in another country and it was reported back that he'd been making misogynistic comments to other people at the event. He was fired.