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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to try for a baby now?

29 replies

Kez437 · 26/05/2021 20:45

Hi All
So just looking for some independent opinions. Hubby and I have a gorgeous 11 month old girl who is happy, healthy, great eater and sleeper (we got lucky!) I'm 30, was 29 when I had LO and had a really straightforward pregnancy and birth. We have a small rented home but are looking to buy a forever home at the start of next year.
For a while now I've really wanted to try for another. I went back to to work when LO was 6 months but my work has a condition that I won't get my 'enhanced maternity' if my due date for my next baby is within 15 months of my return to work. This is actually one of the big reasons I went back when LO was 6 months, I always wanted my babies close. Essentially it means if my due date is before April of next year I won't get my full pay for 6 months and just statutory. I'm the higher earner and of course there is the fact we hoping to buy the forever hole next year.
In theory this all means I can't technically try for another until end of July time but I'm really, really fed up waiting. It took me 4 months to get pregnant with LO first time so I just don't think it's going to happen straight away this time so would like to start trying now. If I did get pregnant I mean we could cope without the enhanced although it wouldn't be ideal and I'd maybe try talk to work to see if there is any flexibility (I've been there a long time). AIBU to just go ahead and try now? My heart really really wants to...

OP posts:
WildWestWanda · 26/05/2021 20:47

It’s only 2 months!

QueenAdreena · 26/05/2021 20:49

I would wait, it’s not long at all.

StClairStreet · 26/05/2021 20:51

You would be mad. It’s two months - no time at all! For the sake of an important benefit that you would really miss. Seriously - you can hold out for a few short weeks.

Babbly · 26/05/2021 20:51

You can pretty much guarantee that if you start trying now then you'll miss out on the maternity pay by about a day - almost certainly. It's how the world works unfortunately. I wouldn't risk it ...but you could practice?

Merryoldgoat · 26/05/2021 20:55

It’s two months ffs.

Plus I know three couples who couldn’t conceive, had IVF and their second child was conceived very quickly naturally.

You have no idea how long it will take.

ICECream821 · 26/05/2021 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1Morewineplease · 26/05/2021 20:57

Oh my days!!!

Mintjulia · 26/05/2021 20:57

I'd wait too. Sod's law says you'll fall immediately. In the current economic climate, and with house prices rising, I think you're going to need every penny you can bring in. If you are the major wage earner, your existing family depends on you.

Use the two months to catch up on sleep, spend some decent time with your dh, and focus on little one's birthday. July will be with us soon enough.

Original poster
Kez437 · 26/05/2021 21:04

Thanks for all the kind messages, I think yous are saying what my head is telling me, helps to have someone impartial tell you Smile

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 26/05/2021 21:27

Wait 2 or 3 months.
Actually, I'd wait until I owned a house. As with two kids it won't be easy to save (especially if child care costs will be necessary?)
But that's just me.

Idontknowanymore05 · 26/05/2021 21:34

Definitely wait. Smile Good luck Op..

Silversun83 · 26/05/2021 22:14

@Merryoldgoat

It’s two months ffs.

Plus I know three couples who couldn’t conceive, had IVF and their second child was conceived very quickly naturally.

You have no idea how long it will take.

Not quite the same, but it took nearly a year, meticulous ovulation tracking and DTD around 100 times to conceive DC1.

DC2 took about 20 minutes Grin

Toolateplanting · 26/05/2021 22:19

Sorry I completely understand your impatience but wait, you know it makes sense!!! Just think of how much longer you can be off with both your babies because you waited

TheMotherlode · 26/05/2021 22:26

Agree with PPs, I know it must be frustrating, but definitely wait a few more months. You can have a longer and nicer maternity leave of you do.

How intrusive of your employer to dictate when you get to have a baby though, I’ve never heard of a policy like that!

Merryoldgoat · 26/05/2021 22:27

@Silversun83

I have a whole host of issues which led doctors to tell me to expect TTC to take ages.

1st time on both occasions, at 34 & 39.

Seeing how fertile the women in my family were I was adamant that we weren’t doing ‘wait and see’ - only going for it once actually ready!

ArtfulScreamer · 26/05/2021 22:32

At your age I'd wait a couple of months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. My DD was 2 in March and took 5 years and a round of IVF, I'm currently 35 weeks with no 2 that was a surprise conceived naturally last Sept with us just DTD as we liked as we didn't think there was any point TTC and were preparing for more treatment. Fertility sometimes likes to mess with us.

partyatthepalace · 26/05/2021 22:51

Don’t be daft - just wait a couple months.

CheesyMother · 26/05/2021 22:58

I completely understand your feelings (I had a similar timing constraint with number 2) but honestly you should just wait out the couple of months. I also know lots of people (some with really quite severe difficulties conceiving earlier pregnancies) who conceived first time on subsequent attempts so definitely don’t bank on it taking at least 4 months this time too!

If you are the main earner, your ability to get a mortgage will be impacted if you are actually on maternity leave when you apply, and house purchases always take longer than you think, so definitely also factor that in!

JackieTheFart · 26/05/2021 23:01

I’d wait. In fact, I’d wait until I was in the ‘forever house’ because the years down the line we’re only just moving from our starter home.

Iwantanap · 26/05/2021 23:04

I would get the mortgage first as your ability to borrow will be greatly reduced by having 2 children and you could get stuck renting. Rent costs more so could impact you affording nursery for 2.
Focus on getting a house, your daughters birthday and returning to work to distract yourself.

QuestPerSay · 26/05/2021 23:08

This reply has been deleted

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OwlinaTree · 26/05/2021 23:13

I put off TTC no 2 as I'd had a promotion at work and wanted to do the new role for a year before going off on mat leave again. Put it off for 4 months and I was 37.

Got Pg the first month of trying. Just as well I waited! Took years to get the first one!!

Aria2015 · 26/05/2021 23:18

Just wait, it's only a couple of months. If you don't and you fall pregnant straight away, you'll just feel stressed about missing out on your maternity pay. Not worth it when it's such a short time to wait...

VestaTilley · 27/05/2021 09:17

Just wait. It’s not that long a wait.

Also, enjoy having had an easy baby...you may not get that next time, so I’d give yourself more of a rest if I were you! Grin

osbertthesyrianhamster · 27/05/2021 09:19

It's not long. I'd wait.

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