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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So I feel totally trapped

14 replies

Almworkingmum · 26/05/2021 18:05

I am married with 5 children and joint morgage, so three story goes I have always bin controlled by my husband and at the time I dint mind but he developed feeling for somebody else and I thought he had changed then we spent alot time in lock down and we got back together I had freedom and then he took a back so fast he had tried to get me to sleep with other people but then trying to make me quit my job because before we got back together I wad texting somebody at work and he want me to leave it and constantly text me at work asking if I've seen him or if I spoke to him which I haven't I'd feel really guilty to do that there would of never of anything happening with him because I don't like him in that way he was just a friend and i try to break up with him then he keeps making me feel sorry for him then I leave it for a while and this weekend I want my hair doing I thought I treat my self to a nice dye cut and blow dry it's cause a massive arguement and he saying I am doing it for the person j am working with, I can't leave him could he is like it my house as well but I pay for every single bill he don't pay nowt he did give me as ome money but it qwas just like a one off I don't no where I stand I've worked so hard to get this morgage and he hasn't paid anything towards it and if I leave him properly I no it will get toxic even more so then it is now and I don't want my kids to be subjected to that has anyone got any advice for me on how to get rid with out losing my house and fighting a custody battle cuz he tried this before wen I left him making out that I had post netal depression and took drugs and tried to get custody and he will try his try his best to do it again

OP posts:
Palavah · 26/05/2021 18:15

The longer you stay with him the longer you will be paying every mortgage payment and every bill on a house that he can claim 50% of.

The sooner you finalise the divorce the sooner you will br free of him.

Almworkingmum · 26/05/2021 18:33

Thank. You I just feel because his name on the deed I can't kick him out because he would just be like it mine aswell and get nasty, I am just so trapped because if I stay I am going to go mental and if I leave I am going to lose alot and if I kick him out he with be vile I just feel I have no where to turn

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Bearnecessity · 26/05/2021 18:43

Get the police to remove him from the house, change the locks see CAB about a restraining order start the legal divorce process start building evidence of monies paid by you and glaringly not you....good luck Op.

Almworkingmum · 26/05/2021 18:50

I have proof of him texting me asking me to go sleep with other people and me saying I do want to do it and then other texts saying other things but I really hate to use these as we have got 5 children and it affected them badly last time and I hate for them to go through it again and I know his family would get involved too and he family have been good to me

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toocold54 · 26/05/2021 19:07

Is he violent?
I would sit him down and say that you’ve thought long and hard and it’s not working so you want to break up. Tell him he has until a certain date to move out. Be firm but not argumentative.

Almworkingmum · 26/05/2021 19:46

He has been like I gone out for the first time in ten years and a friend through me a party and he booted me in the back and bare in mind I was a bit drunk and was nearly pushing down the stairs but he said he did it because I was selfish leavi g my kid for 7 hours to go out drinking he hasn't done it since but he has a tendency to have odd flips like that

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TwoAndAnOnion · 26/05/2021 19:51

@Bearnecessity

Get the police to remove him from the house, change the locks see CAB about a restraining order start the legal divorce process start building evidence of monies paid by you and glaringly not you....good luck Op.
On what grounds? You can't just call the police as your personal enforcement agency.

The husband has a legal right to be in his own property unless a court decides otherwise

Howshouldibehave · 26/05/2021 19:57

You say you pay every bill and he pays nothing-do you work full time? Does he? How old are the kids and who looks after them?

Bearnecessity · 26/05/2021 21:42

Twoandanonion.....on the grounds he has tried to coerce her to have sex with other people.....trying to coercively control her behaviours and force her into paying for everything...did you not read the post...women don't have to endure this anymore....

BarbarianMum · 26/05/2021 21:51

No they dont @Bearnecessity but you need a restraining order before you can ring the police and have then remove someone.

Bearnecessity · 26/05/2021 22:04

I am no expert certainly but I am fairly sure that if she goes to the police explaining she is being coercively controlled they will act and advise her vis a vis a restraining order.

Almworkingmum · 28/05/2021 08:02

I work full time and he does self employed and get more money then me he earns more in a week then what I do my children are school age and my job works around then I only work school ours so I look after them he looks after them

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Howshouldibehave · 28/05/2021 08:18

Are they his children as well? Where does his money go if he doesn’t pay any bills-not even the mortgage?

If you don’t earn nearly as much as him but you can afford to pay for everything only doing school hours, he must be earning a fortune!

Almworkingmum · 28/05/2021 19:49

Yeah they all his and I haven't got a clue I never check or have access to his bank

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