There is a history of DP being bad with money. When he was younger he messed up and had quite a few debts, but worked hard and cleared them.
His parent were also financially abusive, they were also terrible with money and had been bankrupt before. They spend DPs inheritance from his granddad, and had weird habits concerning money.
When he turned 18 mother would charge him £50 rent one week, £75 the next then £100 the week after, depending on how she felt. This meant that DP never knew where he was up to, and felt taken advantage of.
Now that DP is straight with money we have both began saving for a house and both have jel to buy isas. A few weeks ago, I asked how much was in his out of curiosity, and he told me an amount.
I got paid today and was moving some money into my savings, when I asked him again. He told me the same amount. But he’d also been telling me he’d been putting money in every week, so it didn’t add up.
I confronted him about this and he said I need to come clean. He then goes on to tell me how he withdrew £500 from his isa and gave it to his mother, because she was moving house and it cost a lot. She had the money to move, but would’ve been a bit skint this month and with the pubs reopening etc wouldn’t be fair. It isn’t a loan, he gave her the money.
She also claims that he owes her an amount of money, let’s say £2000, from some previous trouble he got into. He reckons that it is only £1000, but rather than a confrontation is going to pay her the full amount back.
Am I missing something, or is this all insane? I don’t want to come across as financially controlling, because his parents always have been, but at the same time I don’t feel like I can trust him to consistently save money when he is letting his family walk all over him.
There have been talks of getting engaged. Today I told him that when I think of what I want in a husband, I think of someone who is able to take care of themselves and their wife and their family. And currently I don’t see that in you.
He’s upset that he lied to me, and he agrees that his family are walking all over him. At the same time, I don’t think he is going to ask for the money back, or confront about the other debt.
He is perfect in every other way, I should add. No other problems in our relationship at all, but it’s all just really exhausting.