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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just need to vent about some dickhead men

25 replies

StopSayingDueDiligence · 26/05/2021 13:07

I'm home alone and I haven't got anyone else to bitch about this too, so I'm coming here.

Our next door neighbours are getting their drive done, we need ours done too so we were thinking of getting a quote after theirs was done.

There's about 6 guys out the front with diggers and stuff.
The door bell goes, it's the postman.

Then men start shouting "alright Laura, it's your husband! Postman Pat"

"Laura it's your husband!"

As this young, meek postman passes me my parcel.

Half an out later our lovely neighbour knocks on the door to ask a question about the drive and how a change might effect us and all the men are stood there expectantly and I don't know the answer and I feel stupid and tiny.

I was a bit bitchy when the boss jokingly said "Or you could get yours done to?"

I said we are getting ours done, but with a different company now.

So now I have to walk out my house a meter away from a bunch of dickheads for however long.
I fucking hate some men sometimes.

I know it's only a small thing but it makes me really aware of myself and ridiculed when I go in or out my house.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 26/05/2021 13:16

Tell your neighbour to have a word. Workmen should not annoy the neighbours.

3scape · 26/05/2021 13:17

That's fantastically short sighted of whichever one runs the business.

Fortunately it doesn't take long to get a drive done. But I really hope you get someone round for a quote while they are still there.

RhodaDendron · 26/05/2021 13:18

What a bunch of nobheads.

edwinbear · 26/05/2021 13:32

I’d just feel desperately sorry for them. They obviously only have one solitary brain cell to share between them.

FTM91 · 26/05/2021 13:52

Email the boss and tell them you were considering getting yours done too but now wont be because of the way they have behaved to you. arseholes.

TeapotCollection · 26/05/2021 18:12

Completely missing the point here but I don’t understand the Postman Pat/husband thing

Original poster
StopSayingDueDiligence · 26/05/2021 19:59

The postman knocked on my door to give me a parcel.

So they were taking the piss out of him by calling him Postman Pat, as well as yelling about him being my husband.

OP posts:
Flimgalos · 26/05/2021 23:32

I can’t see they did anything wrong to be honest, just a bunch of workmen messing about.

OppsUpsSide · 26/05/2021 23:35

They were dickheads, being a workman doesn’t give you a free pass to be a dickhead.
But I would acknowledge it (which you have) and move on.

PickAChew · 26/05/2021 23:35

Oh yeah, banter Hmm - makes their idiocy so much more acceptable.

growinggreyer · 26/05/2021 23:37

@Flimgalos

I can’t see they did anything wrong to be honest, just a bunch of workmen messing about.
Pathetic. Just not any other word for it.
ClareBlue · 26/05/2021 23:42

Def email the company to say you considered giving them your business but would now be looking elsewhere and making sure everyone you know is very clear why, and say how they acted.

It might give them the wakeup they need.
It is alot less common but still too common that this happens and you have every right to feel pissed. They should be gone in a day or two.

EmilyDickinson · 26/05/2021 23:43

I can’t see they did anything wrong to be honest, just a bunch of workmen messing about.

My test for these situations is to imagine whether they would have behaved the same way if the OP had been a man. Imagine the OP’s husband had been at home and had answered the door to the postman rather than the OP

Then men start shouting "alright Mark, it's your husband! Postman Pat"

"Mark, it's your husband!"

It wouldn’t have happened would it?

They decided to humiliate and embarrass the OP because she’s a woman and women are expected to put up with that kind of thing from groups of men.

BluePheasant · 26/05/2021 23:51

It's not just a small thing though is it? They've made you feel uncomfortable and embarrassed at least twice when they are meant to working. Would they do that to man? Of course they wouldn't. They sound absolutely pathetic.

Make sure your head is held high whenever you have to walk past them. Don't let them intimidate you.

sillysmiles · 28/05/2021 15:49

@StopSayingDueDiligence So they were taking the piss out of him by calling him Postman Pat, as well as yelling about him being my husband.

@Flimgalos
I can’t see they did anything wrong to be honest, just a bunch of workmen messing about.

But they weren't even funny. Just annoying.

Also, Postman Pat's wife's name is Sara.
(not the point of the thread)

littlepattilou · 28/05/2021 15:56

@StopSayingDueDiligence YANBU. These pillocks wouldn't have said the same sort of thing to a man.

And as a pp said, I am sure it's against the law for workmen to harass women.

Nobheads.

littlepattilou · 28/05/2021 15:58

@Flimgalos

I can’t see they did anything wrong to be honest, just a bunch of workmen messing about.
Oh yeah ha ha LOL. Silly little wumman the OP is eh?? Not giggling like a little schoolgirl at da menz and their hilarious 'jokes.'

What a miserable individual she is eh? Hmm

FuckyouCovid21 · 28/05/2021 16:02

I work in construction, if these guys were on our site harassing women then they'd be given a yellow card as a warning and if it carried on, they'd be given a red card, sent off site and wouldn't be allowed to work on any of our sites again.

TankFlyBossW4lk · 28/05/2021 16:03

I think I would have just missed the point of whatever it was they were trying to do. Just ignore them. Honestly, life's too short to worry about this sort of nonsense.

I get much more upset when gender inequality manifests as more tangible things that really impact on women's lives. Like career progression and pay gaps.

RoseMarinus · 28/05/2021 16:08

I wonder if the quality of their work is of the same quality as their minds?

PyjamaFan · 28/05/2021 16:13

I hate this sort of banter. It makes me feel small and ridiculed and it's absolutely not funny. And they only do it to women.

I agree with the PPs who suggested you email the company to tell them they've lost out on work because of the childish behaviour of their employees.

TheThermalStair · 28/05/2021 16:26

@TankFlyBossW4lk

I think I would have just missed the point of whatever it was they were trying to do. Just ignore them. Honestly, life's too short to worry about this sort of nonsense.

I get much more upset when gender inequality manifests as more tangible things that really impact on women's lives. Like career progression and pay gaps.

That's all very well isn't it but you can't "walk away" when people are right outside your house for an indeterminate period of time. They know she lives there, they know that yelling at people in a twattish way is bullying, they know she can't go elsewhere. They're being bullies plain and simple.

Making women feel small and powerless in their own homes is part of the continuum of misogyny and we need to recognise this rather than say it's not as bad as e.g. pay gaps. Might as well say racially harrassing someone is fine because it's not lynching. It's all part of the same culture therefore it is a problem.

I'm sorry OP and when the work is over I would 100% give them a public review on whatever site they're listed on explaining their behaviour. Imagining hiring these fuckers not knowing what they're like.

phoenixrosehere · 28/05/2021 16:27

I can’t see they did anything wrong to be honest, just a bunch of workmen messing about.

Not part of their job to mess about. They can mess about on their own time. Their behaviour was highly unnecessary and they shouldn’t even be talking to OP unless necessary.

They are representatives of the company they work for. Anyone could have been passing by when they were talking like this and decide that they wouldn’t want to pay for a service with such people behaving so immaturely and I wouldn’t blame them.

wanadu2022 · 28/05/2021 16:47

The first thing to do is take their power away by realising they're idiots so nothing they say should have any impact on you. Imagine they're just some crackhead on the street shouting nonsense at you - you wouldn't feel small and bad then would you, because you'd rationalise it as him not being of sound mind. Who cares if you don't know the answer to something, they're not smarter or cleverer than you, their opinion really is irrelevant.

Then let the big boss know that you were going to give them business but won't now, and will also be leaving a negative review on trustpilot, checkatrade , social media etc.

Finally, the next time they say anything. Just stop and look them dead in the eye, unsmiling. Say nothing. Then carry on. They do it for a reaction - the best one is to ignore them, but if you can't looking at them expressionlessly like a psychopath helps I find.

You can't control the behaviour of men (and women) around you - what you can control is how much you let irrelevant people upset you. It's a good skill to master, the art of not giving a f*, though difficult. But once you have you'll be amazed how much easier life feels.

newnortherner111 · 28/05/2021 16:53

Definitely contact their company, and once they are gone encourage the neighbour to be as slow in paying as they can get away with. Bad reviews as well. Perhaps let the Royal Mail know as they might be willing to contact the company.

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